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Scared to tell him I love him in case he doesn't say it back, and I don't know how to tell him either.

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Question - (14 September 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 August 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:


You'll probably think me silly for writing about this but i feel so miserable. Been with my boyfriend for a while now, i am so so happy we've both met each others family and all that stuff the problem is im falling in love with him and it scares the hell out of me! Ive only been in one serious relationship before him and im really scared to tell him i love him. Firstly how the hell do you tell someone you love them? Also how do i figure out if he feels the same? Does that really matter? Don't think i could bear for him to turn around and say "thanks" or "aww thats nice"

It's making me so miserable and i don't no why? You'll probably all think im daft but we aren't very young and we've been together a while now so its not like puppy love! Arghh whats happening to me!

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A female reader, Sassykity United States +, writes (29 August 2010):

I have been divorced for over two years. shortly after I met this guy. We had great sex. It became more frequent, like every weekend.We get along great, never fought we are both laid back. I guess we were each others "in beween" relationships. We have now have known each other over three years. Our relationship has become more open we talk alot more and he started opening up to me little bits and pieces of stuff like how he would get anxious waiting for me to get there and such. I have strong feelings for him and I feel it is mutal. Neither of us has said "it" yet, but we look at each other and it seems so obvious we feel the same.It's not just casual sex any moe , its much deeper. I want to tell him how I feel and I am sooo scared. Cause there is a twist now to the equation.. his ex came up pregnant.... He hates her and they fight. He wants out. But I too just don't know how, when or if I should wait on him. We just keep getting closer every day and every min. I'm so confused too.!!!!!

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A female reader, taysha1 Australia +, writes (10 July 2009):

hey there!

I have only been with my boyfriend for three months and i know how you feel. I have been falling for him since i first met him and i had been feeling like i wanted to tell him i loved him after a month. I held off and just said that i was starting to fall in love with him. About a month later we were cuddling and he looked at me really intensely. It was amazing. I still waited because i wanted to be sure how i felt when i said it to him and a few days later, we had just spent the day with my entire extended family for my birthday, and were again cuddling when he looked into my eyes and said "i love you" I went giddy and we both just started laughing. I knew then that i really did love him and told him. I am so glad i waited though because i know its real.

I still get butterflies when he says it to me!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008):

you should tell him. if he is shy he wont make the move. as a guy i know that he will probably say yes to see how it goes if it goes well hes all yours. you sound like a sweet gentle and caring girl i would probably like to date you so chin up and be brave signed connor

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (14 September 2008):

I said it by accident to my husband after we'd been going out a couple of months. And then thought "shit shit shit TOO SOON!!!!!" and there was an awful silence of about 5 seconds where I was hugging him with my eyes closed silently swearing.

Then I opened my eyes and he was grinning his face off and told me he loved me too but had been trying not to say it so soon into the relationship.

It is a risk, and it is scary, but my advice is to just go for it.

You can always give him the watered down version:

"I think I could fall in love with you."

and then see what he says.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008):

It's making you miserable because you want him to be the first to say the L word. If you haven't been together that long, less than a year, I would just put that "I love you" on the back burner or you may scare him off......most men want to be the first to say it to you, and in time he will. If you are feeling those feelings for him, it is likely that he has those feelings for you, so just be patient and keep being your happy fabulous and independent self OK?

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