A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I returned last month after being on a semester in Europe. My boyfriend of four years and I were able to work it out and we are still together. We are more in love than ever, but I am struggling trying to readjust to being back in the states. He also confessed that he had some weird cyber fling like three years ago. He was crying and just a wreck. I felt hurt but figured it was a long time ago and it wasnt real yet I find myself wanting him to reassure me that there was nothing else. He has never really given me a reason to doubt him, but I guess it broke the trust a little since he kept it from me for so long. Also, I am sure if I had known about it when it was happening, I would have broken up with him. I guess I'm a little mad, but I feel stupid making such a huge issue. We talk about it but he gets very upset and tortures himself about being a bad person. Please tell me what you think. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (20 June 2007):
 As long as he didn't really kiss or have sex with the girl, the situation could be repaired. I don't condone cheating, but all he's really guilty of is talking to another girl. It's kind of cheating but I'm assuming that he never followed through. I would just do your best to keep your relationship going strong, and make sure that he works hard to maintain your trust.
DV1
A
female
reader, Missi  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 even though it took him along time to confess to it, he still did which still counts. reassure him that you aint that bothered and maybe you can both move on but make sure u make it clear that if it happens again things will deffinatly be different.
Also Showing that he gets upset about it alot could re-assure you that he is very guilty and has learnt his lesson so there will probably be no repeats in the future.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): There is something else underneath this. I don't know what it is, but I have seen people confess this way before when there was really something else going on. My instinct says he could have, but not for sure, had a different fling while you were away this time.
There is no way he would be upset about a cyberfling three years after, but he does feel very guilty and sad about something he has done, so he is trying to get some punishment. He may be afraid that you will notice a difference in him or read his mind somehow, so is covering up. I realise I may be off-beam, but the crying etc does not add up.
Whatever it is that is bothering him, it seems like it was a mistake and he feels terrible. I think you may get the truth. I hope you can forgive him, he seems very relieved to have you back and everyone - especially the young - make mistakes. Good luck.
...............................
|
