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Rejected by a friend I fell for...should I keep trying or just give up?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 January 2012)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I was recently rejected by a good friend that I fell in love with. When I did admit it to her, it was the most awkward moment in my life and I didn't know what to say. I want to forget everything and just be friends with her, but my feelings won't go away, and I don't think they ever will because I've always felt like we belong together. Ever since this happened, I'm starting to flunk classes, and I can't do anything I used to do because my heart just isn't into it. Anyone know if it would be a dumb idea to try again with a lot more confidence or just give up and move on? And if you do say give up and move on, give me some tips on how to do that.

View related questions: confidence, fell in love, move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012):

You should cut contact with her until you feel better or maybe for good. When you fall in love with someone else you will feel much better and you'll be able to put this into perspective. Being a friend when she doesn't want more would just be difficult for both of you at the moment.

You need to refocus yourself on your school, no matter how bad you feel, make sure you pass all of your classes no matter what. In time, you will start to heal from this.

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A male reader, Tom Obler  United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2012):

Tom Obler  agony auntHello,

I have suffered this myself, I've felt how you describe. You are in good company because we share this. You are not the first to suffer this and you are not the last. I will be honest with you. You have no chance with this girl. DO NOT try again. Let this go. The reason you have no chance is due to chemistry and stuff and things we simply cant understand. There is no justice here I am afraid. I know because I have experienced this.

From now on, you will need to politely distance yourself from this girl, be friendly, be polite but do not be around for her anymore. Make yourself unavailable. You do not want her as a friend or anything like that. Friends suck when you fancy them and cant have them so do not go down the friendship route.

Have a week off classes, take a week out and lie low. Next week when things have cooled off, make your comeback to classes and start again slowly and concentrate on yourself and classes. If thoughts of this girl come to you, just accept them and then carry on with your life.

Please dont worry, do not feel you have done anything wrong or bad. A lot of us have done this and there will be more in the future. Best wishes. Tom.

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2012):

Starlights agony auntI say give up and move on because your friend does not feel the same way for you.

There is no point chasing someone who does not wish to be with you. Its about respecting their choice also.

Your obviously very hurt and depressed thats why you've been flunking classes, but put it into perspective. Although you love her, remember there is someone better for you and you deserve to be happy.

Personally i dont think you can stay friends with this girl and continue to NOT love her.

Personally i think its best to cut contact/ have a break and move on from this issue.

I know its difficult and trust me i dont wish to say that, but its the only way to adjust your head around the situation. You fell in love, she doesnt want to know, that sucks because your hurting.

SO

You need a break from her.

You need to remember you deserve to be happy in life, so be around people who support you and remind you of this fact.

This support will help you to regain yourself back and then be able to focus back onto your studies.

Remember your not alone; alot of us have felt your pain... but life goes on; and there is much much better things coming to you!

Good luck!

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