New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Recent weight gain due to stressful job and an acne breakout! What should I say to my boyfriend?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2015)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is essentially blaming me for his unhappiness with our relationship. He talked with me last night and nicely explained he is not been happy with our sex life. When I asked him why he hesitated but said he feels I haven't really been taking care of myself the last few months and he mentioned my recent weight gain, saying he was concerned.

I started a new job in March and it's pretty stressful. I admit I have gained some weight, maybe 10 pounds or so? I also suffer from acne break outs and I've had a really bad one all over my chest that hasn't cleared up, but he has to understand that one is something I can't help much.

So from what he's told me, I feel like he's not very attracted to me recently. I know I gained weight and have an acne break out, but I don't agree that I'm not taking care of myself. It has kind of hurt my feelings. I'm worried there's more to it than just the weight gain and acne.

What should I say when I talk to him?

View related questions: acne, sex life

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2015):

As far as the acne, stress can cause breakouts. Acne is genetic, and you may have adult-acne breakouts for the rest of your life. Once you've got your health-insurance all set-up; you can always visit a dermatologist and get treatment for that. Meanwhile, just use mild over the counter treatments to lessen the inflammation. Are you also on birth-control? That can cause breakouts also! Please use hyper-allergenic soaps and shampoos. Too many chemicals are harsh on acne-prone skin!

The weight-gain is normal for everyone. Your weight naturally fluctuates between seasons, also bloating occurs if you retain water after periods (if you're not on birth-control).

He's a guy. Many woman don't know a lot about their own bodies; mainly because they either don't read-up on women's health, or they can't afford decent healthcare. Your physicals usually don't cost anything; and your doctor can let you know if there should be any concern about your health.

Your boyfriend's poor delivery of his opinions, are due to ignorance. It is also important that he communicate his feelings to you. Keeping them hidden to protect your feelings is as bad as telling a flat out lie. Many women will rush to your defense; because it is a sensitive female issue. However, many over-look the fact there could also be health concerns that have been over-looked. I'd rather hear it from my mate, than my doctor!

At least you know what he's thinking. His insensitivity is attributed to stupidity; so you have to take some of it with a grain of salt. You also have to be a little tough; because sometimes we need criticism from others. They may be noticing things we are overlooking or neglecting. Your health is very important. If he's adding to the stress, be tough enough to tell him so. In a matter of fact way, not from a defensive stand-point.

He wants the best for you for the most part. Sometimes there is no delicate way to deliver the truth. There is also a boneheaded way. I think that was his awkward and unfiltered style of deliver. He get's no points from me for that. He gets the "dumb-male" badge.

If he misses making love to you, that's not a bad thing.

If you've been tired and out of sorts, you need time to make your adjustments to your new job. You may need to get more sleep; and exercise is a good stress-reliever. Even if it's just a brisk walk around the neighborhood. It does a body good. We tend to snack at work, eat cake and donuts; or eat a lot of processed foods. Maybe you should take your lunch and try to avoid nervous snacking...not for his sake. For your own.

We all come to your defense; because he is hurting your feelings. Sometimes our mates have to hurt our feelings in order for us to know how they feel. Sometimes you have to tell him about his personal habits. Maybe even his smelly socks and stinky underpants from time to time. You can't work on a problem together; if you can't freely talk about them.

You should only seek medical attention for your acne and your weight gain, to be sure there are no underlying medical issues requiring attention. Let your boyfriend know that he has to be patient; while you adjust to your new job. Try to be as affectionate as reasonably possible.

It's better than being told after he has found someone else; and using it as an excuse for dumping you.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, MaskOn United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2015):

MaskOn agony auntFirst off, I think this is more of an 'all about you' problem. By that, I mean your happiness comes first no matter what. From what I've read, you're unhappy because:

you don't feel like he's attracted to you

you gained weight

you have an acne break out

you disagree with your boyfriend

you're lacking self confidence

you think there's more to it then he's letting on.

Since I have no idea what your relationship is like (short, long lasting, serious, etc.), I suggest you put a break in your love life until you can fix these problems.

You probably feel like he isn't attracted to you because you aren't attracted to you. Even I can relate to this. I used to look in the mirror very briefly and when I looked, I would always cringe. So, whenever there was some form of interest in me (friendship, romantic, whatever), I kind of always questioned why and if it was real. Nowadays my friends know me to be one of the vainest people in the world. I'm more attracted to myself and so, I feel that other people can be too. This one's pretty hard, I suggest you look at yourself in the mirror for a long time, find all the flaws, then begin to except them. By 'mirror' I also mean it in a hypothetical way. It's not just your appearance, but your personality, attitude and behaviour you need to take a long look at.

You gaining weight is only a problem if you feel like it's a problem. There are obvious ways to lose weight but don't get off a stop early from your bus (if you use one). Always get off a stop late, this way you can maximise the service you get for paying for the travel and still get the exercise.

Ah, the good old problem of acne break outs! Who doesn't have to deal with them? If it's really bad, I suggest you see your doctor for medical help/medication. That's something that my mum put me through when I was younger. You could search the web for getting rid of acne tips: personally, I think lemons work best. The face wash I'm using is pretty good too and I suggest you give it a try, I use it as a body wash too. Simple Spotless Skin Triple Action Face Wash. I was having terrible acne break outs but after using this face wash, I only get small break outs when I'm near my time of the month. Give it a try!

You disagreeing with your boyfriend. I would say that you try to better yourself by being more understanding... If this was in a COMPLETELY different situation. Let him know that he's upset you! Once again, I have no idea what kind of relationship you guys have, but if it was me, after trying to work it out with him, I would give up and move on if he was arguing about something like my appearance. Even if you don't want to give up and move on yet, I suggest you go on a bit of a break. At least then he can get a taste of losing you. And you figure out if he's really the person you want to be with. I have a feeling that you can do better.

Confidence - fake it until you make it. Dress up and tell yourself how good you look. Have a girls get together/sleepover and write affirmations about each other, this always boosts your confidence. Tell someone (family/close friends) how much you love them and listen to how much they love you. Then except yourself for who you are - nothing screams confidence more than loving YOU!

Who knows if there's more to it then he's letting on? He does. If you really want to know, then ask him. Don't bother commenting or getting upset while he speaks because that will just cause him to hold back. But after hearing him and all of what he has to say, you may as well tell him how you feel about him - good or bad or both. Get it all out in the open. There are no good relationships without honesty.

After everything, if you still think he's the one you want to spend your life with, then do it. But fix the problems first. And if you don't feel like he's the one? Feel like you're the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with because either way, you'll have to. It's better to be happy about yourself than anyone else.

Hope it all works out for the best! :-)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Recent weight gain due to stressful job and an acne breakout! What should I say to my boyfriend?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03129540000009!