A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI had been having an affair with a married man for nearly two years when it came to an abrupt end 6 weeks ago when his wife caught him on the phone to me. We have not spoken since however we did work at the same company and he got me dismissed for harrasing his wife once we had finished. I sent her texts that he had sent me to show her that the affair was mutual and not just my fault as he blamed everything that had happened for the last two years on me. He claimed I got her mobile number off the company records, an allegation that is not true, I obtained her mobile number from his mobile.Since we have finished I have found out that I am pregnant with his child. I have emailed him that I am pregnant but have heard nothing. He has changed his mobile number so can't contact him that way.I am not sure what to do. I am keeping the baby but surely this man who was part of my life for 2 years has responsibilty over our chid? He has ignored me and got me sacked from my job. How do I go about this?I am so angry... I have a baby on the way.. This is his child too..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): wow, what a coward he is. I'm so sorry that this is who the father of your child is. You should write him off because he has shown his true colors. He betrayed his wife by cheating on her with you for 2 years, and then he betrayed you by cowardly putting all the blame on you to save his own a$$ and sabotaging your job. Leave him to his wife, let it be her problem that she's married to such a scum.
But don't let him off the hook as far as his financial obligations to your child. Make sure he pays up full child support, all the more he needs to pay child support since it was him who got you fired from your job thereby incapacitating you from supporting your own child. whether or not he treats you well or like scum, the child is partially his responsibility and he doesn't get to just wash his hands free of that.
that said, I also wonder if you can go to your former employer and prove that you were set up and fired on false grounds. Yes you will have to admit you had an affair with the married guy and have to talk about that and be judged for that, but that isn't by itself grounds for being fired if he wasn't your supervisor. Instead he got you fired on made up charges that you harassed his wife using company records to obtain her number, which is not true. Don't just let that go because this kind of accusation if not proven false will be a permanent black mark on your work record when you try to get another job! Yes you're paying the price for your mistake in getting involved with him, but he should not be allowed to just wash his hands clean of everything and carry on with his life as if he didn't do anything and not take any responsibility for the mess he caused.
I'm not saying you should try to get him back into a relationship- of course not. I mean only that he should pay child support all the more so because he sabotaged your job thereby rendering you unable to financially support the child, and that you should tell the truth to your former employer about how this guy lied to get you fired.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): I agree 100% with Cerebrus that the protracted misery that you and your child will have to endure, in this "forced commitment" scenario, will complete negate any court ordered financial support that you and your child are entitled to. You are going to be inheriting so much baggage, you have no idea how miserable your life will be if he feels that he is forced to pay child support, even if the law states that he required to do so. This child was not conceived out of love; think about that carefully.
Furthermore, good luck getting a judge to sign off on a court order stating that he has to take a DNA test. Even with all your text messages and what not, it's not that easy and some lawyers are adept at stalling and circumventing a court ordered DNA test.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): Thank you for all of your replies..
I think from the advice that I have received I will not contact him again now until the baby is born. I think deep down I still hope that he will come back to me, realistically that is not going to happen. I need to get over him and see him fro what he really is.
Thanks again
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 This cad is obliged to help you pay the costs associated with raising a child to the age of 18.... All, and anything else, is optional....
Have you learned you lesson.... that hanging with - and putting out for - a married man is NOT WORTH IT?????
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): The question is what's best for your child OP, not whether he takes responsibility or not. If you think having him in your child's life will be a negative thing for you and the child, a guy who is cheat, a guy who is so spiteful he got you fired from your job and put all the blame on you for the relationship then perhaps maybe it's best if he's not there.
Is the financial gain really worth 18 years of bitterness and hatred between you two with this child stuck in the middle?
You see there is this idea, a societal social norm that a child needs two parents but my father was an abusive drug addict and my mother rightly didn't even allow him to contribute financially or emotionally to my upbringing. It helped that he didn't really fight her on it but there is no way in hell having him in my life would have made it in any way better. Some things are more important than money, like my mothers happiness, my happiness, being raised well and correctly, you don't need two parents for that.
Now if you want him to contribute out of anger, in the sense "he helped create this mess then he should have to pay" then you're not thinking of what's best for your unborn child OP. You're just thinking then of a way to get back at him or you're just thinking of a way you can stay in his life, neither of those are good reasons at all.
This guy has brought unhappiness, anger, heartache and pain to your life and if there was no child involved in this equation then my advice to you would be to stay as far away from this guy as possible because he's nothing but poison. I don't think a child changes that to be honest, you need this guy out of your life, you need to move on and be happy.
You're only pregnant now OP, so there is no need to pursue him or make any decisions. Seriously, let him go, stay away from him and spend these months deciding what you want to do. Right now you have no legal recourse, you can't do anything and it will keep you unhappy to keep him in your life at the moment so don't make any decisions nor chase him any more about this until the child is born. You need this time to reflect and to get over all this so you can think with a clear head how best to proceed. Let him go, you now have a few months to prepare for the arrival of your child. Plenty of time to figure out all the details and plenty of time be able to let go of your anger be able to think objectively.
The last thing you want OP is this guy in your life right now, right now it doesn't matter if he steps up, he doesn't matter at all right now. Only when you're baby is born can you actually take measures to force him to do anything and by that time you may have figured it's best not to have him in your child's life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 January 2012):
 He surely has financial responsibility toward the baby, but you can't "make" him the daddy in any other way.I'm sorry you got pregnant with a man who cared so little for you and so little for his wife's feelings.I would make sure you keep his info current and when the baby is born demand a DNA test and child support.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 January 2012):
 I agree you will need to have a Paternity test done after the baby is born and get court ordered child support...
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Get a court-ordered DNA test, and then nail him with child support. That's really your only option at this point. Yes, as the man who got you pregnant he should step up, so in that sense I understand the anger. He's clearly done with you, and trying to fix things with his wife. Like worldywise said, I hope she kicks him out because she deserves better than what she got from the both of you. Why you texted her to tell her something she would have already known, is beyond me. Shame on you both.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): Ouch, you did get your fingers burnt, this is what happens to women who play with fire.However, theres a baby to think of now, I think the only way to get financial support is to have a DNA test done after the birth and claim via CSA. Your right it takes 2 to make a baby and he has now got to take responsibility if only financially.His wife is the one who has been hurt here and will be even more hurt when the baby arrives. I hope she kicks him out, its what he deserves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): I can understand why you are angry, I would be too. Unfortunately I don't think this man is going to step up and take responsibility over the child you and he have created. I think that the only way you are going to be able to do anything until the child is born and request a DNA test for the baby to prove to him that he is the father (even though you know he is the father) and then the law will have to make him at least financially responsible for the child. I am so sorry that your going through this, stay strong and focus on you and your beautiful baby. Good Luck.
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