A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK so I basically had a friends with benefits kind of relationship with a guy who is my best mates brother in law. It went on over 2 years and it was just once every few months we got together.When we were both single and if we met or whatever, we got together. When he got with his girlfriend it was fine, I ended up with a short term relationship that fizzled out and he was with his girlfriend for about 6-7 months, which he says ended because it just didn't work out. Not long after my relationship ended, we started our thing up again. (His relationship broke down before mine, so he was single too!)Only this time is what every few days and he would often stay over or spend the weekend with me. As much as I liked him, I've never had a lot of luck with relationships and as silly as it sounds we had such a good friendship and great sex, I didn't want to ruin it and I explained it to him. He seemed ok with it at first but shortly afterwards he started acting weird telling me that he was sleeping with others girls. We ended up fighting and I told him I had slept with my ex during the time we were first sleeping together again.Now 4 months later, I'm 17 weeks pregnant and he is refuses to believe it could be his until he has proof. I've told my friend what happened and she says I should let it go as he is the one who will miss out on the child's life. I told a stupid lie and now I'm paying for it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to have the baby as I'm not in a relationship or secure in the way of knowing I will have the fathers support. I told him when I was first told at 5 weeks and he seemed really excited. He came with me to an early scan as I have had previous miscarriages and was spotting and he was great, holding my hand, came in with me to the scan, asked for a copy of the picture....then he just changed. He said he had thought about it and he doesn't believe I lied. He told me to contact him when the baby is born and he wants a dna test. All my text as well! Now I've started telling people but I haven't told anyone apart from my friend who the father is because I really don't want my ex to think I'm nuts. There is no way it's his as we broke up in March and started back with him in early May. I've opened a can of worms for myself by my own stupid actions and I don't know what to do to help matters. Advice very much needed!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): Honestly, if you have given a guy any reason to question whether he is really the father, then he would be an idiot to take your word without proof.
For men, sometimes "needing to take responsibility" means paying for a baby. But other times it means worrying about his own ass when someone tries to take advantage of his trust.
You know you were just lying for emotional reasons and the baby is his. But you are the only one who knows that. He cannot know the answer to that for sure now. You can, but he can't.
So don't expect him to be reckless & irresponsible with his own future by assuming responsibility for a child that may not be his. Don't expect him to believe you are carrying his baby until you can provide the proof.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2015): Sorry, felt compelled to write this.
Basically you are both wrong-you are wrong for lying, he is wrong for behaving like a little sh^t,not like a man.
Very,very immature of you both. You need to grow up. And fast.
As to how to deal with him-say"Ok,if you don't believe it's yours, that's fine. We don't need you and I can cope with MY baby without begging you for help".
Because I have a feeling that this is exactly what you might have to do, so it might be good to let some steam off a bit... Be brave and be strong-your baby will need you,xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 October 2015):
 I think you should have NOT gotten pregnant with a guy whom you are not even in a relationship with. If you already had one miscarriage, I presume? that you were not using birth-control OR condoms at all? To me that makes no sense. IF HE didn't want a child he should definitely have used a condom EVERY time. I think you were both being rather irresponsible.
There is really anything you can say or do (till the baby is born) because you painted yourself into that corner you are in by lying.
And even IF the baby IS his (DNA test) he might not want to have a child or a relationship with you. So I'd say PREPARE to be a single mom. When the DNA test is done get child maintenance from him, there isn't much else you can do.
Stay healthy focus on your pregnancy and your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2015): I think you should try not to worry about dad (seems impossible) but instand to,focus on getting through pregnancy. He said get in touch when the baby is born and i would do,just that ... it allows him time off to sort his head. If you have to do DNA tests to confirm paternity for his reassurance then do that because ir sounds like he might have a hard time bonding if there is an element of doubt. You said yourself if you hadnt lied then this wouldnt have happened, so,unfortunately it is the price you have to pay cos even words can inflict serious harm. He has a scan and a due date .... so leave him for now and perhaps ring him when baby born.
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