A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm in need of some advice about my boyfriend of only 3 months who I think may be possessive or controlling however I can't fully tell.I'm very aware of the fact he could be and I'm trying not to let my feelings deepen until I can understand him to the best possible extent and determine whether he is possessive or not. So far I haven't perceived any of his actions as 'red flags' but through reading up on the internet of signs of a possessive boyfriend, I'm worried that he may be as certain things I've read up on speak about similar actions to his actions.These are the possible signs I see of possessive behaviour: saying that everyone else wanted me, but I'm all his in a playful way, gets jealous at the moment but to no extreme, wanting the power in sex (not forcefully but likes to feel powerful), is uncomfortable around my mother mainly as she is very perceptive and he seems aware of this - wants to be all engulfing towards me, prioritising me over everything.So far I have been able to think of an excuse for each of these behaviours. He's attentive and affectionate generally or in the 'honeymoon phase' and many others I'm sure you can think of for each behaviour. However I'm unsure whether to act on this as so far he gives me space when with my friends, family etc. and I am determined to not gradually drift apart from any them and put all of my attention on him like he seems to not mind doing to me. However I get the feeling that if he relies on me only to make him happy, anything that depresses him he will blame me for. He even playfully says 'I blame you' when he's irritated slightly for reasons that I have no involvement in. I need advice on what to do here, as I can think of excuses and can counteract my argument I'm not taking these signs as RED FLAGS but should I?If not, what would you consider to be RED FLAGS that I can look out for specifically so I'm always aware and can do something about it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 January 2014):
 First I think jumping into sex at the beginning of a relationship is not a good idea, because then the foundation of the relationship is based on sex. Sex does not equal relationship, just sex. Even the most non-compatible couple can figure out how to insert A into B.
These red flags would exist whether or not you have had sex, but sex complicates that matter. I think these are signs of possessive and controlling behavior. I also thing that you already know that, and asked the question to confirm what you already know. I think you should end this relationship before his control becomes more difficult to get away from. You don't deserve it, and no one is the property of someone else.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 January 2014):
 I think you should end it not for the "red flags" you think you see, but because your relationship is doomed - BY YOU.
YOU are looking for signs that may not be there, it's called sabotaging the relationship. Or preemptive strike. If you find FAULTS with him first, it's HIS fault if the relationship doesn't work out.
Being uncomfortable around your mom is NOT unnatural or a RED FLAG. He BARELY knows her, but he is BANGING her daughter. How would YOU feel? (pardon the crudeness). Being comfortable with your in-laws come over time and for some never. Doesn't mean he KNOWS she is very perceptive and will find him out.
Power in sex, well I have NEVER been with a guy that didn't show some kind of POWER in sex though not totally dominant either. I honestly think (for me) it would be a turn of if he was vague or indecisive in bed. So to me, NOT a red flag.
Now I could go on about what other things you mention, but I think if you are dissecting him after 3 months to the point where you have doubts... He isn't for you.
Something in your GUT is telling you something, but nothing you put forth here gives me a good reason for it. So you need to dig deep within YOU to look at that.
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