A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Husband and I have been happily married for 7 years now but over the past year he's masterbating over porn more than we have sex, it seem to be taking over our sex life. he doesn't know that I know about this. I didn't mind him looking at porn but now it's getting to the point where my sex life is suffering. I feel slightly pushed out. I think he is going on to the live sex chat rooms, which is upsetting more than anything. I can't stand the thought that he is talking and perfoming sex acts live to a complete stranger. I have never had any hangups about sex in anyway so i can't understand why he is doing this. It is making me feel rejected. He says he loves me but I just can't get my head round it. I am so unhappy and I don't know my marriage will stand much more even though I love him to bits.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): OK, so now we get to play Ripley's Believe It Or Not my husband and I have been married for over 48 years! Until lately, I thought all was well. I found he has been viewing porn sites and smoking pot as well and I hardly ever see him any more (maybe that's the good news). I fussed and fumed about the porn stuff and suggested he was a pervert and he lied and did it again and again and again. And each lie was another opportunity for me to avoid what is really going on. Well, we are at the point in our lives when we should be enjoying the fruits of our labours and instead he is busy masturbating (or whatever) in front of the computer screen and counting on me to clean up after him when he starts shitting in his bed. I'm not ready for that (he has COPD and a miriad of other health issues). OH HELP. Well, it does help to hear that other people have similar issues and to hear what they are doing to cope with these issues. God speed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): You've been more tolerant than many spouses just by accepting & ignoring him looking at porn. And I feel that's a good thing as a whole.
But it sounds like he is letting it interfere with your real sex life. Time to bring this issue out and tackle it. He owes you a change in this situation now.
And I think he's also overstepping the emotional boundaries with the chatroom stuff. After all, visual porn is not supposed to be emotionally involving & personally interactive like that. That's one of the biggest arguments for believing that porn pictures & videos are not threatening to a relationship.
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A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Tell him you will not tolerate a stranger in your bed. That includes porn and especially live sex chat. At the point you are suffering from his thoughtlessness, you are not obliged to be tolerant.Would he let you have sex with an attractive coworker? In your bed? Ask him. I highly doubt it.You should also seriously consider seeing a divorce lawyer. He may be manufacturing a crisis just to dump you. If so, you need to protect your rights now.
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