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Please help me win my husband back!!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi my husband has left me due to how I was treating him. Over the years I took him for granted and I would lower him and call him names whenever I was upset with him or even with other issues. It got really bad. The problem is that I never meant to or realised just how bad it got. I guess the last time I did that I went too far with the name calling. He finally decided to leave me. He's left on the basis that he needs space and time to think if he can love me again and come back to me and our 3 children.

Over the last 3 months I've sought help with my anger issue. I've realised what a monster I was and I have truly changed. I know in my heart if he were to come back, he would never regret it and I would treat him like a king. Please I need to know what to do to higher my chances for him to come back. How do I prove I've changed? Please help me! Thanks!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

hiya, i am going through exactly the same as you.... my husband left me one month ago, down to my rudeness and really bad manners towards him. my husband is the most kind and caring man i have met without being biased. i realise this everytime he goes... this has happened a number of times and he has agreed to come home to try and make it work due to having a 0ne year old son. he only comes back because i promise him i know im wrong and will change. but give it a week and im back to normal. im really stuck now because he says he isnt coming back any more but i really want to change i dont know what to do to convince him that im changing if he not here to see im changing!!!! help any advice???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008):

You must act like the woman your man feel in love with. You must not show yourself to be needy or desperate. You must love yourself and most of all pray. Just be patient and in the meanwhile better your own life and make him want you. good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

It is good that you have sought help with your anger issues. I can also understand your husbands apprehension at wanting to return as a person can only take so much humiliation. If he has not found anyone else, and you haven't mentioned this, then I would say if you genuinely both still love each other there may be hope. You will have to prove you have changed and how much you love him by constantly showing him how much you care. Say nice things he is not expecting.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntYou say you have changed, but is that just because you want him back. How long before you go back to how you were, when! by your own admission you were so nasty.

To my mind people dont change, they can bend a little but they cannot actually change their personality's. Whatever it was that agravated you so much about him, will still be there if he came back. If he does come back, you have to be prepared to keep your temper and let him rule the castle. Can you do that?. Maybe for a while but can you keep it up?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

Does he know that you have help with your anger issues? If he did then he may make the effort to meet you half way. But if you say you have changed then you must prove it and not fall down on your claims. You will have to be patient and wait and see if he believes that you are an improved person, but it all takes time. Try and have a chat with him. Invite him over for dinner or maybe just you two go out for a drink or a meal. But talk to him and tell him all that you have told us. I think you are very brave to admit that you had a problem and also to seek the important help that you needed. I wish you well and hope that you can sort things out between the two of you.

take care and keep in touch and let us all know how it goes.

xx

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (3 March 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou need to be very patient and it may require some time .

Maybe , one or two years and be prepared for this long in your quest to win him back.

If you want a faster route, go to his best friend or his family members for help and ask them to be your mediator . They can talk to him and he will listen to them.

Go attend your local church and it may help you find peace and those people may help you with your problem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

This is not going to be easy, and I'm not at all sure that there's much you can do. Basically you've driven him away and although you understand why he left and realise you have to alter your behaviour, the horse has bolted, so to speak, and it's no use shutting the stable door now. He's the one that will have to want to come back. Maybe he'll miss the kids and come back because of them, which might not be the best of reasons for doing so, because if that's all he came back for, he wouldn't be feeling any differently towards you.

The best I can suggest is to write to him and tell him how you've changed and ask him to give you another chance. But if he doesn't reply immediately don't go chasing after him like a stalker or you'll drive him further away.

Let the dust settle a bit. You might even discover that your life is sweeter without him being around, and the kids will almost certainly feel happier now that there are no more arguments and a bad atmosphere in the house and they will look forward to seeing him at the weekends or whatever.

Don't get your hopes up too high though. My first wife used to have an acid tongue, inherited from her mother, and made a pretty good job of calling me names and ridiculing me in front of others. When I left her it felt like the best day of my life, I had no regrets whatsoever and had absolutely no intention of going back to her. I felt like a black cloud had been lifted and the sun had come out. You haven't got a hope if your husband feels the same way that I did back then.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

I think the only real way to prove that you've changed is to physically show him how much you've changed - ie, he would have to live with you again. But, until that time comes, you should explain the situation verbally. Maybe a lengthly email? I find that those are good for expressing oneself. A phonecall is good too. Explain to your husband what you have explained to us here - you realized that you had a problem, sought treatment, and now you need him to know that you have changed. He is your husband and he loves you and the two of you have built quite a life together, including three children. I don't think he will leave all that if you explain to him that you're sorry and that you have changed your ways. Good luck.

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