A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi,I live in belgium. I came here with my family six years ago to study. I'm married with two children and have a relatively happy married life although I never tasted true love with my husband. However it was ok and I was happy with my children and my study. I have a terribly religious family and very tradition culture in which love is forbidden even for very young girls who are not married!!(exaggerated)but after 10 years marriage and with two choldren I've fallen in love with my promotor.Please don't tell me I know myself that it's totally, thoroughly crazy unbelievable silly dangerous ununerstandable...... forbidden love because I know it very well and I have tried to forget it for sooooooo many times and I have cried so many times and I have asked god to help me but still every morning I wake up I've already started thinking of him and it makes me panic. I'm not going to do any thing wrong because I'm religous and he is married and pays no attention to me but I just can't stop thinking of him and every meeting we have together I try to memorize every second every look every sentence from him and till next meeting. I remember it for soooo many times and I miss him so much more than any precious thing that I have ever had in my life. When I see him somewhere around it's just like all people around disappear and it's only him and him. oh god please help me, how I can get rid of this ..love although I don't feel guilty about that and I'm happy inside because he is just so wonderful to me. but I know that I'm married please help me to get free of this feeling.looking forward to hear from youkind regards Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): Hi, I totally understand exactly how you are feeling. I two am married with 2 kids and have never had that "in love" feeling with my hubby. However,I too have had feelings for someone else who is definitely forbidden fruit and circumstances stopped anything happening. I am nearly 40 yrs old and feel crap most days . I find myself wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings every day and dont want to talk to the people who should matter most, my family. It makes you think what is important in life and I have realised that it is your true inner feelings. Nothing or no one can make you feel something thats not true. I hope you find happiness either with or without the person you are thinking of every day. You never know they may be thinking the same thing about you! All the best.
A
male
reader, anmeer  +, writes (14 May 2010):
when you believe in god just leave it up to him he will do the best for you.just always remember that one bad action of yours will destroy the future of your kids,now as a responsible parent you have to do the actions which are correct and will send positive signals to your family.may you always walk on the correct track.GOD BLESS
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 These feelings you have for your promotor are not feelings of true love either, if thats what you think. They are one sided, a crush, an admiration, call it what you like. But it is not love.
Next, what to do about it? Avoid him to the best of your abilities. Meet new people, someone else who will take your mind off of him. Go on a vacation. Change jobs. Or try and let time pass and see if it goes away on its own. Memorize why you married your husband and remnd yourself of everything that you love in life and that makes you happy. This promotor is NOT what makes you happy! You think that you get happy because of him because everytime you think of him you get those butterflies in your belly and the feeling of being in love is so good. Its just a chemical to your brain! Eat chocolates and you will feel good too! Get an adrenaline-kick and you will feel great too!
Find other things in life that give you happiness, things you can enjoy with no shame, and with no need to hide.
I believe you will get through this, just remember it is not the end of the world.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Be gentle to yourself. When you try to act on it, it destroys your marriage. When you try to ignore it, deny it, it doesn't go away. Appreciate what you are feeling and give yourself permission to feel whatever you like. When you are all by yourself, imagine saying to your promotor, "while I am somebody else's girl, I would love to be with you in my next life." If you can't totally cut contact with your promotor, think to yourself that you would promise to meet him in your next life." Oh you could be Christian so forget what I just said but that's what I would do because I am not religious. Whether you believe in incarnation literally or metaphorically I think that would help curb your impulsion to do something about your feelings.At the same time make your marriage more exciting. It's not necessary that there is something wrong with your husband or that he is lacking what the promotor has. You are addicted to get the high feeling or wanting something you can't have. You have to trust that the spark is still there and that your husband is able to give you the happiness you want.
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