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Planning first time sex. Does it hurt? If so, for how long?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Long distance, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2009)
A female United States age 22-25, *xshaunaxx writes:

My friend and I have recently been talking about sex, A LOT. I am a virgin and he isnt. A few weeks ago, he asked me if I wanted to have sex, but I said no, because I wasnt ready. Now I am ready, and I have told him this. He is about 100 miles away at the moment, but the next time we see each other, we plan to have sex. I know that it hurts the first time but he has told me that it only hurts for about 5-10 minutes. Is this true? Because I thought it would hurt longer... Also, what kind of pain is it? Like a stinging pain, or what?

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A female reader, aerie United States +, writes (20 May 2009):

I am going to be frank with you... at your age you really houldn't be thinking of having sex. There are so many people who say that everyone is having sex,but in all reality, a lot of people aren't. I just lost my virginity to my boyfriend of a year and a half, and I am 18. A whole lot more of my little sisters friends (who are all like little sisters to me) lost theirs to a "friend" like yours because they were pressured into it. I do not regret my first time because it was with someone that I love very much, and plan on being with for a very long time. My sisters friends, however, all regret it because it was with a guy that is just like a friend, not someone that they relly would want to be with. Take your time with yourself.You are still a child, as much as you don't want to hear it, but you are. And here are some facts: first of you are not even allowed to give consent to having sex... if he gets caught our parents could send him to jail, or his parentscould send you to jail! Also think about what would happen if you got pregnant... It is nearly impossible to go to school and take care of a crying infant. I am not trying to scare you, I just though it might be something to think about... I am, however, not your mother or sister and can't tell you what you can or cannot do. If you do plan on doing this, use protection and don't listen to anything he might say about yourbody,you know it better than he ever could.

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A female reader, cvqueen United States +, writes (16 July 2008):

I am 16 years old and lost my virginity about 4 days ago. it did hurt nd it took a while for him to tear my hymen nd enter hurt like crazy and as soon as he tried pushing in, it felt like I had to urinate. But after the pain of gettin my hymen broken, there was only a little bit pain. We had sex for about 1 hour and it felt ok. And the next day, I couldn't sit down fast, I had to sit slow because of the pain I was havin, I did bleed however, it was onli like spottings of blood. And the second time I had sex, which was today, I had more pain than when I first lost my virginty, it makes no sense to me, my bladder feels like its going to explode but I already urinated, todays sex was very uncomfortable and unpleasing, I thought it would be easier today but no, the pain was much worse, but it was easier to get himself inside me when we first started, I couldn't take any more pain so todays sex didn't last as long as the firrst night. I'm hoping after today, there is no more pain, but I am also spotting some blood today to and I'm in soo much pain right now,

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):

I'm 17 and i had sex for the first time aound 3 days ago and i've noticed my stomach has started to get round , is that normal? its day four and i know i'm not pregnant because no one starts to show in three days. And of course the guy will tell you it will only hurt 5-10 minutes,because he wants to have sex, and he wont be the one in pain. it hurt me the whole hour or so. it felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach.and my stomach still hurts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):

well if he gose in you too fast and hard it can hurt. maybe that day you feel sore after. byt the pain will go away

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008):

heyy i see y0ur problem im 14 nearly 15 and planning on having my first time aswell from my perspective the only person who can make the choose of wether your ready is you it might hurt yes but if the love the guy and know he loves you then you should be ok make sure you use protection and also be sure you can talk to him about were it hurts...

and make sure he goes gentle your only young and he needs to know that..

goodluck im happy for you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008):

No, it only hurts the first 5-12 times a guy goes ain and out. Not no 5-10 min. It's a pain like an ear peircing. And or stretching type feeling. After that it will be enjoyable unless he is a monster.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

I want to say how heartfelt the latest reply was - and how truthful! That's some good advice, you should really listen to it especially coming from a man with an interesting perspective.

I lost my virginity a month ago, at the age of 15, having been going out with my boyfriend for over a year and I want to say that yes, it did hurt. Almost like burning and then a sort of stabbing pain, like one of the other women here described.

I only had sex because I had been in the relationship for a long time and we had both discussed and prepared for sex. We were BOTH ready. What's the rush? Your virginity isn't going anywhere without you, so why not wait until you are in a relationship with a person you really care about, rather than a friend? If you're truly worried then forget about it - unless you can be reassured without feeling pressured then you shouldn't feel sex is necessary.

I hope you make the right choice for you, and that i could be of some help. X

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

There are 3 parts that can hurt.

First is your hymen, tearing it can hurt, how much varies from person to person. It is flap of skin that is broken, a sharp pain that usually doesn't last that long. Some girls have very strong hymens even to the point they have to have it surgically cut to allow intercourse, but this is rare.

Second is the un-accustomed stretching of musles, compare this with doing a heavy excersise that you are not used too. Unless you are a really have masturbator you vagina muscles will have to get used to this new activity. This may cause two kinds of pain, direct because you are being stretched and not used to it, and afterwards the same as you get muscle pains after excersiing.

The last is bruising. Sex is brutal and female areas are tender. Even experienced women get sore after to much sex which is why most real women ain't all that hot about a guy who really keeps it up for an hour. Lets face it, he is slamming his body against yours and do that for to long and it will bruise.

Oh and what he says has no value, take this from a man, it is easy to say it will only hurt a little when it is NOT you having that pain. Simple deal, you will have sex with him if you can knee him in the balls, that only hurts for 5-10 minutes as well.

As for how long it hurts, depending on your body types I wouldn't even count on it being particulairly pleasant the next couple of times, yes some women have multiple orgasms at 13 right after being fucked by a 12inch dick, in porn.

Frankly your body will need time to adjust to this new activity, it will hurt it will hurt afterwards. It is alright for him, it will feel pretty good for him.

Frankly you got a lot of experiened women here answering and so far not ONE who did it at your age and didn't regret it.

As an old male from a different generation, you are 13, enjoy being a child a little bit longer. No, you don't want to listen to us oldies, but believe me, there is plenty of time later to be an adult. Once you had sex you can never go back.

But remember this, the women who have had experience tell you to wait, and the guys can only tell you one thing, the first time for us OR the girl, feels damned good for the guy.

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A female reader, babybegone United States +, writes (18 February 2008):

For me, losing my virginity didn't hurt at all, except for the next morning, and going to the bathroom hurt the next day aswell. But it really depends on how long you had sex [i did for over an hour, so that was partially the reason].

Also, not all women bleed when they have sex for the first time. And how much you do bleed [if you do at all] depends, it could be a little, or it could be alot.

If you do end up having sex with him, make sure he does have protection. And if it does hurt you, tell him, it's nothing worth being embarassed about.

I lost my virginity at 14, and I regret it now. So think about your situation before you do have sex with him and decide whether or not you would want to wait till you really are emotionally ready for it.

Have fun ;]

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A female reader, lushlass93 United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2008):

lushlass93 agony auntyou have to think about this first please if in all rights you love this guy n you are ready for sex then you should have sex but if you are doing this for him think!

three of my friends lost there virginity at 13/14 and they are all over lads who only want them for 1 thing SEX

i have heard it hurts and it depends on the person some people it hurts during others after an dyou will bleed

just like on a period a bit but you have to think

good luck hun!

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A female reader, MissKin United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2008):

MissKin agony auntTo answer your question directly: It hurts differently for everyone.

For my friend, it hurt her for the whole of her first time and then the next morning.

For me, I only really recently lost my virginity... it didn't hurt physically until the next morning. The next morning my stomach hurt, like just above my pubic area and it was a pain that didn't sting but....

if you've ever needed the loo really really badly but held your bladder in until it hurt... that's the kind of pain i felt the morning after. A dull sort of, curious pain.

But, because of your age i'd say it is going to hurt - a lot - to be blunt about it.

I think you're too young to be having sex. I also believe that it shud be a really special, significant moment in your life that you can look back on and be happy with.

Do you want to have your first time with a 'friend' that lives miles away and sounds like he isn't caring for you like a friend shud?

Please think about how you'll feel after this decision.

Also make sure you practice safe sex. Use a condom and never be afraid to say no.

I hope it all works out well.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (16 February 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou seem too young to be asking this question, honestly. But, for the record, Red1982 had a very thoughtful and thorough answer. For me, the pain was kind of deep and I did not feel very good about it afterwards. I do remember that I did NOT enjoy it the first time.

I also regret that I didn't wait until I was older and had some more time to prepare for how I felt later.

Is your friend someone you know well enough to be there for you afterwards? If you just met him on line then he may just be using you... if he lives far away he may have to leave right after and that will not be nice, trust me.

I hate to sound like a nosy older sister, but is he someone who can be trusted? This is one thing that later on you'll like to remember as a good experience, so if you know him well, that would be better.....

The worst thing that can happen is you sleep with someone you don't know very well and then he's gone and you're there alone worrying about if you made the right choice. Please don't have sex with someone just because they want it; if you have any doubts at all, that's enough of a reason to NOT do it. Really, it is okay to lie to someone to get out of having sex you don't want to have.

You also should spend a little more time doing research on what exactly happens so that you can be prepared when it does!

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A female reader, red1982 United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2008):

Honey you really should wait until you are in a long term relationship with someone you love before you sleep with someone. You'll regret it if you don't. I know because I regret my first time, a lot. He was a friend of mine for a while and I assumed that if I slept with him he would be my boyfriend and care for me, I was wrong!!! He also told all of his friends that i was 'easy' and they all assumed that I would have sex with them too, which was horrible.

I thought i was ready for sex, but hadn't really counted on all of the emotional stuff that comes with it. Now I wish that I had waited.

As for how much it hurts, that really depends on many factors, like how much foreplay there is before hand, if you are relaxed and making sure that you have enough time and privacy.

But it will hurt, more than likely a lot, for the length of time the intercourse lasts. From what I remember it was like a burning pain in my vagina and then an almost stabbing pain inside.

And it will hurt afterwards for a while. I couldn't sit down or stand up without wincing for a couple of days. That was a stinging pain, like a cut and it was also like bruising - you know really tender when anything comes into contact with it.

If you are certain that you want to sleep with this boy I would also suggest (if you haven't already) discussing contraception with him. Make sure that you have your own condoms (so that he can't 'forget' them). You can get pregnant the first time you have sex - in fact it's at your age that you are the most fertile so make sure that you take care of yourself. Please don't listen to the I'll withdraw line either, make sure that you use condoms properly. Also you say that he is not a virgin? Talk to him first about STD's, make sure that he used condoms with all of the previous people he slept with.

I know that I probably haven't doen a lot to ally your fears, but I am being honest.

If you want to chat feel free to message me.

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (15 February 2008):

He's only trying to calm your fears.It even makes me laugh to see what guys do to have sex.It'll surely hurt all day and maybe a bit longer so brace yourself.It'll surely sting but it'll also feel as though you have a sore in your vagina.I would advise you to wait a bit longer but if you reall feel ready go ahead.If you don't believe me let your fellow women advise you.

Take care

Good LUck

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