A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I'm in a total mess... I'm in a 6 year relationship but it is falling to pieces. A year ago my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away. Her dying wish was that she saw me moved in with my boyfriend and settled in a house. So to keep her happy we bought a house. I know it was silly but at the time emotions were high. Our relationship is more a friendship. We don't have sex. Also I have found myself having a relationship with a colleague. At first it was just fun and to be honest he treated me appallingly but because I was in the wrong I didn't feel I could complain. Anyway my colleague is away travelling for a few weeks. He messaged me telling me he was searching for wifi just so he could speak to me and he's come to the conclusion that he has fallen in love with me. He apologised for treating me so badly. I cannot get him out of my head! I know that if I gave up everything for him I would probably regret it... but I don't know I may regret letting this opportunity go.Part of me wants to sort out my relationship but I can't get my colleague out of my head :(I'm a bad person... what shall I do?
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): First of all what you're doing to an innocent bf is WRONG.Sex/no sex, it doesn't matter, if you don't want him, set him free. THEN (after a respectable amount of time, say 6 months, you've been in a relationship for 6 years for Christ' sake!), then and ONLY then proceed to have sex with someone else so openly.You are finding not excuses per se, but things to JUSTify your behaviour (I wish we could underline words, then caps lock would be unnecessary).Yes, the death of your mother is a terrible thing to happen to you. But why are you (consciously) doing something terrible to someone else???You see you justify your behaviour by what happened to your mother etc. and what she asked of you (BTW,she had NO right to ask this of you-I guess it was your desire to see you SETTLED and HAPPY before she went. I'm sure that if she suspected it would make you UNHAPPY she would not have insisted on it).So among all the stress etc. you found an OUTLET- a person who doesn't have to comfort you, whom you can have hot, nasty sex with.See the thing is- you were ALREADY emotionally drained and confused. Did you REALLY need to emotionally drain and confuse yourself more by sleeping with this guy?You say he treated you badly,but now he says he is in love with you. Blah-blah. Free and easy booty (with good and steamy sex), has finally started to get the pieces of her life back together, has realised she does NOT have to stand such treatment so NOW he is changing tactics (and maybe even his treatment of you) to get you BACK. And the sex, of course. How long do you think his change of heart will last??? Seriously? I bet that as soon as he gets what he wants he will start treating you as before (gradually,step by step) as you've already allowed it previously.And you'll end up in the same situation as before-being treated appallingly.Meanwhile YOU are treating someone APPALLINGLY by cheating on them.From having been on the receiving end (rather than the giving one. I hope never to be on the giving end)of cheating, I can only say: do I think you are a bad person?Well...I don't know you,do I?I would NOT say you are a BAD person, but I'd say what you are doing is simply WRONG. VERY WRONG.And we are the sum of our actions. So if you want to turn into a bad person-keep doing what you are doing.What you have done has changed you-maybe irretrievably, maybe not. You have to work on yourself. NOT on any of those two guys.This is NOT an excuse, but I think you should deal with the GRIEF of losing your mother (and your current relationship) and sort yourself out before proceeding any further in emotional entanglements.Just for the record-I think it would be kinder if you break up with your bf WITHOUT telling him the underlying cause of it.At least at first. It is kinder. He should NOT have to deal (emotionally) with the consequences of YOUR actions.If he can NOT let go of you, THEN fess up.Good luck, take care of yourself and don't get in relationship with people who treat you appallingly (and don't treat others that way!)
|
