A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Q: Should I be concerned about my decline in labido? Am I "chasing the dragon" by looking for a female mate to whom I'm as sexually attracted as I was to my first girlfriend?I had a long-term girlfriend all through high school and college. I was a virgin until being with her. She drove me crazy sexually. Wanted to have sex all the time. I'm 30 now. Since our break-up (at the end of college) I've had a LOT of sexual partners. In my early 20's I was still very motivated to have sex all the time and it was exciting. But as I came into my late 20's sex became more routine. I'm guessing this is because (1) I've had a lot of partners and that the novelty of sex has sort of worn off and I now have "been there, done that" sort of attitude and (2) my labido is naturally starting to slow down. I'm now at the point where I could see myself settling down and marrying. But I'm starting to worry that I never will because I'm chasing the dragon...if a woman doesn't live up to the sexual excitement standards established with my first girlfriend then I figure it isn't meant to be.Is this a frequent problem with men? Or even women for that matter? Do I just need to resign myself to the fact that I'll never achieve that high again? Do I need to be concerned about this decline in labido? Or, maybe, is marriage not for me?
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Sex is like a drug. After that first hit you are going to spend the rest of your life trying the achieve the same euphoria again. Yes you are chasing the dragon trying to find someone like your first love. Instead on concentrating on the sex why don't you try and find someone who you like and have things in common with. Sex is just one dimension of a complete relationship and if a relationship only exists for the sex then it definately wont last. Get sex out of your mind and search for other qualities instead. When you find someone you are compatible with on many levels the sex will be great. Also hold off having sex with every person you come across save it for the people you actually care about.
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