A
female
age
41-50,
*theluvofgod
writes:Hi I'm 27 yrs old female and In early 2009 I lost my job then my apartment due to financial difficulties ever since then i have been living with my mother and step-dad. they have been accommodating. during the time i lost everything i was pregnant and engaged to my baby's father we were planning on moving in together but after my bad luck my money went into so much and this frustrated the both of us. My pregnancy was very difficult because i was out of a job with no insurance so i had to come up with money at every doctor's visit so my baby's father ended up paying for the appointments and it was frustrating with me being hormonal and him trying to scrape what little money he had left to pay the doc at each visit. he got angry at times and my parents kept me from him because of how bad it got at times. Then he and my parents clashed because of it comments were hurled by both parties with me in the middle it was depressing to the point where my pressure was through the roof! my mothers hates him! i have had the baby now and me and him patched things up and we are still in-love with each other but my parents aren't having it! my mother don't even want him to have anything to do with the baby but i want him to be there. she'd pass comments and say hurtful things just to have me not talk to him. one day i was out with him and she went off on me because i was half an hour late due to traffic when i got home he started to say things to make me feel like I'm a big disappointment. I told her i love him and i forgave him and we have patched things up and she said she doesn't want to deal with him period and if i want to be with him i should pack up my things and the baby and leave and be with him and she will wash her hands of me completely. i love and respect her but i love my baby's father we have been through so much and we understand each other more then anyone we have both been with and I'm all he has! I forgave him and i don't see why they cant! please help me i love them both.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Girl-e-girl +, writes (17 February 2010):
One question: Why didn't you live with him while you were pregnant and out of a job? You guys were already planning on getting married right?
You have to decide whether you want to risk your financial safety and go with the baby's father, or risk your baby's fathers love if you go with your parents. The problems you describe are really hard to fix, they take years to almost get over, but people never really do. (because they are finacial and trust issues)
Perhaps you should consider straightening out your financial situation before getting back with your baby-daddy. If he really loves you, he'll understand that you can't "see" him. Meaning you can only see him behind your parents back, until you are financially free to no longer be dependent on your parents. Then you will be free to move in with him, and get married. Time usually patches these things up- grandparents want to see the little ones, and will miss you, so they'll ignore or prentend and be polite to the son-in-law.
A good friend of mine ended up having to do the exact same thing, and so far she's going to move out in a month (already leased) from her parents home, and move in with her baby's father. Her mother is polite to him now, even though she thoroughly dislikes him, but her step dad doesn't allow him to come inside the house. Hopefully it will work out for both of you.
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