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Over drinks my boyfriend brought up a threesome. Am I a drama queen for how I reacted?

Tagged as: Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 October 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *ER0N writes:

about two weeks ago my partner and a friend of mine were having a good old drink or two, when my partner suggested a 3 some and within seconds of him saying this my friend a girl, then came onto me. i responded at first as my partner was glaring me on to do it, but i freaked out ran out the door crying. however my friend came out to talk with me an took me bck inside. i know here an now i shudnt have gone bck but i did and the enevitable happend. however it was mostly about me and the girl my partner couldnt even get hard,. nxt day i felt like shit, and took 3 days b4 i spoke to my friend and my partner telling them it wouldnt be happening again. both felt fine or so i thought, the other night my partner invited her up for a friendly drink, she got sick and removed her jeans why i dont know as i can be sick without removing my jeans. however i gave her a cover and she fell asleep on my sofa. later my partner started to try waking her up by having a wee feel of her arse, grrrr im fuming here this is fucking me up. i walked out and stayed with real friends for the night. nxt day i went bck home and partner and me had a row and ive asked him to move out and give me room to breath and heal. am i doing the rite thing what should i do its driving me mad. partner thinks im a drama queen.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009):

THREE SOMES ARE GREAT...if you are not with thr person you're having it with.some relationships can survive, but I think those are rare.It's a comom fact,you have a 3some and next thing you knopw,you're left out and the other 2 are baggin behind your back, while you don't know about it

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (16 October 2009):

You are not a drama queen at all. This hasn't worked out and now you know why. My advice is to get rid pf them both. You won't be able to trust him again now you said it wouldn't happen again and your boyrfriend has already felt her up. Ditch them both.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009):

Somethings seriously amiss here... your BF and GF appear to have been in colusion to get you into a sexual situation. That's odd... are you sure that the 2 of them haven't been cheating on you? Sounds fishy... suppose at this point it doesn't matter.

Threesomes are NOT for everyone- and all too often relationships are damaged. Sounds like you need to stick to one-on-one sex... and don't be pressured to cross the line again.

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (16 October 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntWell as I have said before, you need to be very comfortable when these situations are brought up because someone ends up getting hurt out of it.

Drunk or not you should have said no and stuck to it. But being that has already taken place, it seems more to me that your BF was more interersted in this girl than he was you anyway. And basically she was more than happy to let this happen.

In the end I think for the most part we aunties and Uncles are in consensus that this was an ill fated campaign on the part of your BF to use as an excuse to have sex with the other girl. It was only partially successful, because he hoped you would be more accepting of it.

So yes,. please get rid of him, he went about this the wrong way, and sadly you were victimized.

But please realise, and I have said it before and I am going to say it again becuase this is a perfect example...

When it comes to group situations, both partners have got to feel comfortable and secure enough in their relationship to undertake this or bad things always happen. and in this case, there was simply not enough security and trust in your relationship for this to successfully oocur.

Best of luck, and please don't be too hard on yourself. Basically you were pressured into this, and its not your fault.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009):

YOU are NOT comfortable with a threesome! Gosh please please tell your partner that it's just you or nothing! Xxxxxx

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A female reader, Dazed~Confused Canada +, writes (15 October 2009):

Dazed~Confused agony auntI think you've done the right thing.

At first, you let yourself be pressured/persuaded into doing something you didn't want. However, when the situation presented itself again, you left and told your boyfriend that this is not acceptable to you.

Both your boyfriend and your friend knew that this is not something that you are ok with, and yet continued to put you in a position to try and make you do it again.

Good for you for standing up for yourself and for asking him to leave. You did absolutely the right thing. Like you said, you have real friends who would never try and disrespect you in this way. Inherently, I see nothing wrong with threesomes as long as everyone involved is happy. In this case, you weren't and that should have been enough for your boyfriend. Any man who respects you and cares for you will never ask you or try to manipulate you into something you don't want to d.

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A male reader, pyan Australia +, writes (15 October 2009):

hi

i think there me somthing hidden here and they may have worked it out to get you in bed. it upto you if you do or not but you shouldn't if you are not comfatable with it. 3 somes are good but you both have to be hold it as a differant part of you life.

you could ask him would he like to share you with another guy see how he take that. let us know how you go, good luck

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A female reader, YourDestiny11 United States +, writes (15 October 2009):

YourDestiny11 agony auntYou are totally right. Dump his worthless ass and that obviously skanky friend! That is disgusting...i wouldnt speak to my bf again if he even hinted that! Then id beat the shit out of her for agging it on...how gross!!! Ya get rid of them and move on!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009):

No your not doing the wrong thing.

You shouldnt have gone through with it if you didnt want to. its a simple fact that threesomes are relationship killers, men who want youto do this arnt thinking of marrying you.

Your partner and friend are being selfish and have shown that they dont care about you or about how you feel.

If it were my choice id break up with the guy and tell the girl not to talk to me anymore.

Asking him to leave for a while is the best idea, take your time and think about what you really want.

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