A
male
age
,
*oliver
writes:My wife has no more interest in sex. When I ask her what the problem is? She just says that she has lost all interest in sex. My question is, If I have sex with another woman would that be cheating? P.S. We are both over 65.
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male
reader, Stonemason +, writes (24 August 2010):
 It all depends on her attitude towards you, doesn't it? What exactly is her attitude? If she acknowledges this is a problem, then you both can set about solving it reasonably and openly. If she doesn't acknowledge it as a problem, then you should not go through life as a celibate just because it's her will that you do so. If you cannot afford a divorce or even a separation, then you can either deceive her or tell her you are going to get your pleasure elsewhere.I think some of these answers so far here are too unsympathetic towards you. I am an older man myself. I want sex twice a week. You are not strange, weird, bad, silly, superficial, fickle, or unfaithful. Life comes but once. Live it.
A
female
reader, texas_gal +, writes (24 August 2010):
This is a relationship problem, not just hers or yours. You both need to be evaluated for medical problems, medication problems, and then psycho-social problems. Did her lack of interest develop slowly or suddenly? Did it occur in conjunction with some other change? What has your history together been like? Did you change in some way?
As for "cheating"...What planet are you from? Of course it would be cheating! Not even with her permission or knowledge would it be acceptable! Remember your vows: to love, honor and cherish all the days of your life.
Think about all the wonderful things you should appreciate about her, what brought you together, what has kept you together, your achievements together, your goals and dreams. Try a little romance.
Who does all the housework? Help her out a little more: women find that very sexy.
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Oh , so you don't have erectile dysfunction at 65? I thought all guys go limp in that age. You must be a horny specimen.
Holla, I wish my guy would look for sex at 50. Please tell me ,so there are man out there ,who can still do it in this age? I would appreciate ,your answer.So ,actually, you feel turned on from your wife, or just from young kittens? Would you want to do it to her, or you already have an eye on someone else? Wow, your lady does not know how lucky she is to have a high performance guy in his bed.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 To me, cheating is cheating, even with consent from your partner, but I do know that some couples are ok with the spouses having (safe) sex with others due to illness, however, this is usually after every other avenue has been explored.
Tisha has already said this, but I too think your wife needs a thorough medical, there is usually a good reason for loss of labido, and whatever it is, i'm sure your disappointed face everytime she says 'no' isn't helping much either. So please, help her to get her motivated into looking into her health.
But back to your original question, I guess, if you really can't wait for her to get sorted/better, then I wouldn't do it, till you've given your wife a chance to express her opinion/feelings on it, it would be wrong, and goes against every promise that you made to her when you married.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 The one to ask about having sex outside the marriage is your wife. We will have our own opinions, but the one whose take on it matters is her.
She should be evaluated for depression, overall physical condition, hormones, basically a thorough look-see at her by a doctor.
Perhaps a frank open and honest discussion with her might reveal some truths about sex with you that she's been afraid to tell you. You have to be prepared to hear bad things, though, and listen in a loving and supportive way. Things like, maybe your hygiene is bad and she can't stand the way you smell. Maybe her hormones have changed to the point that intercourse is painful, maybe they are so low she literally has no libido. (That's why she has to see th doctor, there may be a physical reason for this lack of interest.) Maybe you are too rough, maybe she's never had an orgasm, maybe she's a closeted lesbian. Obviously, those are some pretty over-the-top reasons but you never know what has happened unless you ask, and if you ask, you have to be prepared to hear the worst, okay?
I think women sometimes don't realize how important sex is in making a man feel loved. They are tied together and rejecting a man sexually is like rejecting him entirely. She may not realize this or understand the depths of your need for her and to be intimate with her.
Perhaps it's time to ask if she would mind very much if you went out and found a sex partner, but I would only do this AFTER you've exhausted all the resources you have to try to solve this WITH her. Basically ask for an open marriage, not something I advocate but this is your life and your situation. Sneaking out behind her back seems very damaging to the relationship to me, it won't make you feel better mentally, no matter if you have a sexual release, I think.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): YES ITS CHEATING! Just talk to her and let her know that you have needs too, and shes your wife so she should fufill your needs.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 Yes it would be cheating. I am 29 but I imagine if I hadn't slept for 2 days, and my boyfriend hadn't have sex for 2 months, I couldn't reject him. I would just put lots of lube, hug him, and then when he's done I would have the best sleep ever. It's not obligation. It's love and sensitivity. Tell her she's still beautiful. Make her dinner and watch a senior romance together. She must think she's too old for sex, but the truth is sex keeps you young. Maybe it's the medication she's taking. Maybe it's her diet. Make sure you both eat lots of fruits, and seafood.
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A
female
reader, curleywhirlyhurly  +, writes (23 August 2010):
no sex ouch !!! talk to her tell her if she dosent give you sex your realationship may fall apart hope this helps xxxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 August 2010):
I'm afraid it will be cheating if you have sex with another woman. Let's face it, your wife wouldn't be all too pleased if she found out. If sex means that much, then you need to talk to her again, then make a decision. But don't just have sex with another woman.
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