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Our tastes in porn seem to clash

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 September 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 September 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hello. Thank to you for reading my post. When me and my boyfriend got together he mentioned porn use a few times casually. And from time to time he's admitted to using it for masturbating during our brief periods away from each other.

I thought it would be fun to watch it together since i too enjoy porn. However our taste in porn clashes I'm guessing. He let me pick things out, and everything i played was mostly girls by themselves, since he seemed hesitant to try it togther and i thought maybe the dramtic men might be why. The first time i played some weird fetish thing, particularly females urinating. He seemed disgusted by it to the point i thought perhaps we'd had enough. The second time i played mostly solo girls and he seemed aggrevated by the lack of guys in it.

My dude friends that I'm pretty open to talk with said if they had a girl that would watch porn with them, theyd be so happy they could careless what she's playing pretty much.

But for some reason my boyfriend seems rather bothered by it. He also seems bothered by the fact that i like to sit around and chill with him while we watch it. He says he never watches it for more than five minutes so he thinks it makes no sense why i would want to watch an hour of it with him. He likes porn, but his idea of watching it together must be a ten minute clip and then straight to it. Guys don't ever watch it for an extended period of time? I was willing to mess around a few times in exchange for periods of chilling.

The next morning on both occasions he woke up in a very grouchy mood and said things that semi hurt my feelings. Where did i go wrong? I don't understand men.

View related questions: period, porn

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (17 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntNot all men are the same, you seem to think all men want the same thing and you cannot understand his point off view. Communication is really important in a relationship so therefore talk to him and ask him his point off view on it. If he is uncomfortable with it then stop. Maybe he worries you seem only interested in women, which might make him insecure. Also a woman peeing is a fetish that some people like and maybe he is worried you want to do this when he finds in disgusting. Honestly you both need to be able to talk more about this. Also a lot off people don't sit around watching porn for an hour. What it boils down to at the end off the day is you both seem to like to watch different things so maybe it might not be something that would work for you both unless off course you both compromise. Just because one male friend said they would be happy to watch anything doesn't mean that all men are the same and want the same thing.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIf he picked gay porn (with two men) would YOU be exited? aroused? I doubt it.

If he picked MEN pissing, would that turn you on? Well, maybe since you seem to like women pissing... however, I think WiseOwlE nailed it right on the head, YOU are trying in a passive-aggressive manner to herd him to pick what YOU think he should be watching. You are trying to control what he can and can not like.

I bet you there are PLENTY of men out there who wouldn't be "overjoyed" with your selection in porn. (women too, but I digress).

You have already written in with this question (though you have now changed the wording a lot) but also you disregard ALL the advice given there... I guess because you didn't get the "back up" or answers you wanted.

It doesn't MATTER how many times you write about this if you disregard the answers ALREADY given.

STOP watching porn with him. You put on shit you knew he wouldn't be into. While you might have thought something more tame... like lesbian porn would be a good start, it obviously wasn't something he would want to watch WITH you.

It's not Netflix and chill... it was porn with your partner... that is SUPPOSED to arouse the both of you so you can go at it... that's the point. To either "learn" a trick or two, to imitate or just get horny from it.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 September 2018):

Let's be honest here. You don't really care that much about porn; you're monitoring and regulating his use of it. If you realize your taste in it clashes, why would you insist on choosing what he doesn't like? What's the point? He has to be aroused by it!

Your whole story is see-through! You're passive-aggressively interfering with his viewing porn, and c*ck-blocking him from masturbating. The real objective is to intercede, in order to prohibit both! You didn't say you don't like what he watches; and I suspect you just randomly pick stuff you know he won't watch, when you're not around. Oddly you pick a miss every single-time! Seems you'd hit the mark now and then! Since you know his taste.

I hope I'm wrong; and I doubt you'd admit, if I am right! That really doesn't matter, but you want to understand men.

My suggestion. Let him choose the porn; and if he wants to share watching with you, be a good guest. Isn't the point to make him feel comfortable about it? Not to pick a fight?

Your guy-friends are full of sh*t! They don't want their girlfriends watching porn with them. They're your friends, they have to lie and agree with you. They told you what you wanted to hear. Guy code!

It's private-entertainment; and it's usually over in 5-10 minutes. It's not a movie-feature; it's only a tool for masturbation. It's not something you binge on like Netflix, or watching an episode of CSI! It doesn't take guys that long to reach orgasm, as you know! For most guys who watch porn; it's either sex, or porn. Rarely is it both!

Guys who binge on porn are addicted; and can watch for hours. They don't usually need a partner, girlfriends, or wives. If they've got one; they won't keep them for long. Even if she's welcome to watch along. Most get disgusted, or jealous. What's the use in competing with an addiction?

Porn-use shouldn't become too much of a habit; but mothering and monitoring his use, will only make him use it in secret.

Stop choosing porn for him. Watch what you like yourself.

You can alternate between the two. Only, he'll lose interest if it's not his taste.

You're not really into it. You can't regulate what your boyfriend does with his body. If you want to be included; let him choose it. He's the one with the penis that has to get erect. That is, if you want to share some fun while watching.

Peeing and fetishes seems more like you're mocking him!

It has undertones of spitefulness; if he has told you he doesn't like it! He likes guy on girl.

You went wrong by trying to be clever, and he saw right through it! Hurting your feelings was unnecessary. Being irritated by your subtle-manipulation was justified.

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A female reader, singinbluebird United States + , writes (14 September 2018):

singinbluebird agony auntHe may be uncomfortable with fact that your porn involved women only and may wonder if youre only attracted to women ? It sounds like you are not but it leaves him uncomfortable. He suggested watching men because he wants to see if men turns you on as well. My advice is stop watching porn and just focus on each other. Although i agree porn is great bond over, it seems like your man isnt into that idea. Turn it off and focus on turning each other on in petson.

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