A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused by my feelings. My boyfriend told me he watches a lot of porn, then changed his mind and said he used to watch a lot. Then he said that he's pretty much seen everything and is desensitised to it all now. He joked that he'd have to see something pretty extreme to get turned on by it now. I didn't say anything, but it set my head off. I've known he watches porn and have no problem, as I occasionally have done also. It's the hardcore and the desensitisation that concerns me.I fear his past viewing of extreme porn has desensitised him to all things sexual.I wonder this because he has had a very low sex drive, after the initial 6 months of our relationship. He's told me he wouldn't really care if he never had sex again. And at times he has let me know that the only reason he goes along with me when I try to initiate sex is to keep me happy. Plus, now, I'm not interested in sex with him, because he never satisfies me. I know he knows how to do it because he has given me an orgasm a few times in the past, but because it takes a lot longer than him, he never bothers. I end up masturbating after we have sex, and it feels wrong. At first it seemed cool that I could masturbate next to him, and sometimes it was sexy because he would join in. But other times it feels crap because I know he can't be bothered to spend the time and effort to bring me to orgasm.I just wonder if his extreme porn(and I gather he has watched all sorts) has something to do with his lack of interest in real sex now. He once said(mid-sex) that he felt he needed a big tv screen with porn in the bedroom for him to stay hard.I'm just so confused on this. Most of the time I'm happy with him, but when we havn't had sex for a long time I start to feel resentment and look for answers. My self esteem is pretty low because of this. Its impossible for me to initiate now because he has treated me like my desires are childish and unimportant, so I have withdrawn. I don't want to put myself out there to initiate good sex, when I just feel so hurt from the past. Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be great :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): Well this sounds like my BF. Sex really is not imporant to him. I been with him for 18 months now and up until 3 month-ish ago he didnt satisfy me.he said he has watched so much porn that he is over all the foreplay stuff and that it bores him. It made me feel SO ugly. I tried to talk to him abut it but he said that most girl do orgasm with men o why should he try... Is was only when i opened up to him and said how it made me feel that he done something about and right now i cant complaine he still goes through slumps but all in all he has improved ten fold...talk to him and if he care then he will do something about it if he doesn't then leave... its harsh but has to be done. xx
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