A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. Um I have very low self esteem and suffered from depression since i was very young. I'm in a relationship, and honestly, its great.. Apart from the fact where he compliments other girls sayong they are hot or have big boobs . This really effects my self esteem as i have noticable uneven breasts which i hate and makes me feel extremely insecure. I also have to take a special pill as my periods are not doing what they should, and a side affect is bad acne. I am constantly told i look 13 yrs old when i am almost 20, so when my bf comments on other girls, I'm left feeling ugly, insecure and a physical failure. I have spoken to him about this before and explained how it makes me feel, but he was adamant i was being 'jealous' which highly offends me. What can i do?
View related questions:
acne, boobs, breasts, insecure, period, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2016): A sign of a healthy esteem are healthy boundaries. Knowing and acting upon your right to have positive relationships and forfeiting those people that bring you down. Reading about setting boundaries helped me deal with similar issues. Once I 'decided' what worked for me I had an agreement with myself and I respected myself. Your boyfriend is immature and hasn't understand your feelings. He is focused on his own. If that isn't a good positive and healthy scenario for you and drains you then take steps to move away from it. As you take those steps note how your esteem rises.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 I think as he is overweight himself he's the one who's insecure so he purposely comments on hot girls to bring you down. It's another problem if he doesn't understand how it hurts you. But that's exactly what he wanted to do. Then tell you you are jealous to ignore how you feel.
Birth control pills are supposed to clear up acne. If one doesn't work maybe you can switch it to another one. I am not supposed to give medical advice here. Some people are just born with acne and there's nothing they can do.
...............................
A
male
reader, Militaryman1234  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 Hello I've read both your post and your response i'm sorry your going threw these though times I agree strongly with honesty that you should work on loving yourself. in the corniest of ways we are all beautiful. Now as a male who aswell has a problem with blurting out things before I think. I dont think he is comparing you or judging you to any other female. I think he likes boobs and is openly thinking out loud.. now I strongly believe this is acceptable as long as you find it acceptable. Once you have told him you find it insulting or inapporiate then it should stop. I would tell him again when it happens whether he thinks its jealious or not it needs to stop.. and then it should. If it doesnt he is clearly not respecting your wishes and that could lead you to start re evaluating things.. but to some this up I personally believe his actions or wrong if you deem them to be.. Because it my eyes as a male I dont see anything "that" wrong in admiring a female body. I Honestly wish you the best of luck and happiness
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): I think Aunt Honesty, is just trying to get you to concentrate on you.
If you felt 100%, you would not have the issue with this at all.
I only know what you have wrote here, however, I believe we all need to talk to someone from time to time..
On your boyfriend, doing that just ignore it and start wearing your crown, by feeling 100% good.
On him pointing out your all your issues, type deal.. It starts with you first because if you felt 100%. You may not want to be with someone who points out your flaws you would want to be with someone who builds you up.
I think that was what Aunt H- was giving you some awesome advice, and I agree..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay maybe i should have said that i understand that its normal for men to look at other women. Im not saying i have a problem with that. Its natural. BUT.. Is it not common courtesy to be aware that what we say affects the person listening? I am coming out the good side of my depression but is hard to work past low self-esteem when he brings every issue I've ever had about myself to the front of my mind by mentioning the wonder0us traits of another female. Its like inviting me to analyse how perfect she is and how inadequate I am in comparison. Im NOT saying he's responsible for my mental health, im saying that as a couple, shouldn't he be mindful of my feelings and keep his comments to himself? I don't go around commenting on muscled up guys because my bf is overweight and i don't want him to feel how i do. Why is this so hard for him to understand? And also i cant afford acne treatment.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 Am afraid that you need to learn to love yourself. Your boyfriend cannot cure you for having low self esteem. Okay so the thing is most girls boobs are uneven, that is a fact. Its just not noticible through a bra. Has your boyfriend ever commented on your boobs saying they look good ect? Okay so he comments on other girls, but he does have eyes he is allowed to look at other girls, he is with you though and that is what you need to remember, why would he be with you if he didn't want to be? If you are suffering bad from acne then maybe go back to your doctor and see if they can change your tablets or give you a cream for the spots. Yes it is a shame you are suffering from acne, but remember you are young and healthy you need to try and appreciate life more. If you are suffering from depression then there is help out there. Talk to a therapist.
...............................
|
