A
female
age
30-35,
*etalye
writes:I met this American guy online since August 2015 and we met in a famous dating site. Btw, I’m Asian and 23 years old and we are of the same age. First, it was just purely a friendly chat of random stuffs (we chat almost every day as long as we are both online) in the first 3 months. Later then, he started to tell me and remind me at least once a week (as what I have noticed) that I am special to him, that I am very dear and close to him and that he is so glad that he has my friendship and he wants me to know that he cares about me so much. On our 4th month of constant communication, he confessed that he likes me and that he has a mad crush on me. And I let him explain why he felt that way. I also told him as well that I like him too and that I’m glad that he cares for me. He even becomes more open about his personal life – his weaknesses, lifestyle, struggles and etc. Then we still continue on talking more about our interests, hobbies, daily events/happenings and that a nice-looking booty turns him on (ahah I haven’t shown him a butt pic of me). 3 weeks later, he went silent for 3 days. Something in me is nagging that I should try and found out. Usually, it doesn’t bother me that he won’t message me. Then, I saw this post on newsfeed that he was tagged by his ex-gf in a thanksgiving celebration. I looked at his face and thought 'No question. This is clearly a whipped guy in love”. What I didn’t expect myself that he’s not messaging me in the next few days bothered me to the point that I kinda felt hurt (even if we’re not together). I hated myself of why I was feeling that way when it wasn’t supposed to be. Still, I have decided then to keep it cool and wait for him to message me if he wants to. Days later, he messaged me and asked what my weaknesses are and he shared his. He said heartbreak is his weakness and he’s not handling it well. It’s the reason why he didn’t message me those days. I told him that he can tell me anything. He said that he fears that the girl might not come back anymore (they had an on and off relationship). I gave him a blunt advice which he was so thankful and said that everything is in good hands because he had lifted up everything on his shoulders to the Lord. (That’s one aspect that I really like about him because he never forgets God in everything he does. Let’s just simply say that he’s a devoted open-minded Christian). And we share about 90% of our interests and choices in general and how much we can agree about almost everything which we always find it so amusing In less than a month, he went back in his usual ways of messaging me and started calling me babe/baby. This time, he becomes even more open about himself and started to mention about his parents and his best friend. After New Year, he become like a text machine and I would respond immediately as long as I have an internet connection. To make the story short, with all the things that he can share, he said and wondered if we were to be in a relationship, he believes that it can really work out. He had been wondering it for a while. And then, he wants to know if I’m interested. I said that I like him as a friend. And then I told him how my feelings transitioned down to that level. Days later, I thought that why not give it a shot and try to return those strong feelings I had before. He was so happy then and he said that I inspire him to do well for the both of us and that he had prayed that he can be with me and so on. He said love is love no matter the distance. Even if his ex-gf came back running (and it’s in the past), it’s already too late because I’m the one he needs, already gave in to me and that I’m growing in him. Our conversation became intimate then to the point that topics about sex came in (But that was only a few days of talk. lol) and talked about his previous relationships. And he would instantly respond to my messages and even more detailed ones like as if I have to know everything and more emoticons and heart characters added to his messages. He said that I have a comforting spirit that makes him too open to me and that he trusts me so much and that he doesn’t need to pretend. He would tell me that he don’t eat much. I told him that he should or it will make me really sad. I told him the consequences of not eating breakfast. From then on, he eats his meals well. He asked if I could get a visitor’s visa. He wants me to live with him and he could cuddle with me and watch TV. He could even get cheesier than that. He mentioned and promised that he will make it happen and do what it takes for us to see each other in person. Last March, he mentioned that his ex- girlfriend from months ago is 4 months pregnant and claimed that he is father. Which, he doesn't want that to happen especially when they are not together anymore and mentioned he didn't want anything like this to happen ever again. I'm happy that he opened that up to me. He’s scared and said that he might be not good enough. And I wanna help him give him ideas and enlighten his mind that if he really is the father, then, of course, the responsibility talk comes in and how he is going to work things out with his ex and especially about their feelings and stuffs. well, it's his life after all but if he wants someone to talk with, I'm all ears to him. I'm more concerned of how he is going to handle that. That, I want him to take action of whatever he is going to decide. And said he has no idea how to be a dad. lol Cuz he never had his father around when he was young. To make another conversation short, he said that why can’t I be the pregnant one instead' If he could get anyone pregnant, it would be me. He would be willing to raise it with me as a family cuz I’m an amazing person. Is said 'Come on… Getting bestfriend preggy'”. He replied 'Why couldn’t you be more than that'” He said he could see me as someone maybe he could spend his life with. 'I’m quite a little flattered at his words but my mind is telling me that not to lean on too much into it. Who knows what’s going to happen to us in the future and how our lives will be like years later. I’m not making a conclusion though but I can say that I see him as a part of my future and someone I want to be with. However, I’m not going to expect too much from that. I just only wonder many times how it is going to be for us in the future.” Those were my thoughts after he had revealed that news to me. Last April, He confessed that he loves me and he has been asking when I am going to see him. Also, he has been asking me if would it bother me that he has a kid' Or will I get mad at him if ever he got me pregnant unexpectedly and such. To make the story short, presently, we became more than friends. Also, he wish that he could fly here to see me too. However, in our current circumstances in life, we can’t afford it as we wish to happen but we’ve been encouraging each other that one day, that it will happen at the right time as we see how things unfold. Recently, he asked he I have a savings account. And I said 'uhm, yes. Why do you ask'”. He answered 'because if I give you money, will you put it there'” I was too shocked to believe what he’s trying to propose. I told him, 'Why would you do that' That's... I dunno.. Too much' Why not put it in your own account' And don’t you have a lot of priorities to take care first' You have to settle that.” He said 'yes, and it’s not too much, I want you here” I told him: 'What I'm trying to mean is that... When we're both already stable with our own matters and such then we can do what we want (in God's will). And I was kinda shocked earlier when you opened about the savings account. I was a little bit of overwhelmed at the thought of you sending money. That's money! Your OWN money! And YOU'RE planning and going to entrust it to ME!”. He replied: 'I know and i didn't think you were being mean i just really miss you and though it be a good way to us both of us. Why so hard to believe'” He will put it in his account but once he has it (the money) he wants to send it to me. He wanted to start saving up for my trip and everything I need to process and that he keep on saying that he trusts me so much and that he misses me and wanna meet me. I told him, Oh no... Should I be flattered or be more cautious or I dunno... Was it wrong that I allowed myself to give this kind of long distance relationship a try (even that I am well aware about his situation and the weight of his responsibilities and the incoming scenarios) and that I believe that as long as we are honest with each other and work things out and I think that we should just do what we need to do for now (with our own matters first) and see where it can lead us'. And the next months from that, we became more intimate like lovers but online. He even asked my permission if it is okay with me to put our relationship status on FB. Then on, things between us were just like the typical long distant relationship couple. As of this recent time, his ex just gave birth a month ago. They didn’t even have the paternity test yet. He shared that he was sad because the mother won’t let the child carry his last name and that the parents’ of his ex were against it as well and wanted control over things when it comes to the baby. These were the times he felt that he is useless and he doesn’t know what to do but his fatherly feeling is strong that he wants to see the baby as much as his time permits. Me, on the other hand, gets kinda anxious from time to time. Even if I was the one who highly encouraged him in the first place to be there for the child even if he wishes his ex would fall off the face of the earth, I just can’t help this feeling thinking of these unanswered possibilities. Few weeks ago, he has been too busy with his long hours of work and visiting the baby in between which makes our interaction much lesser. It’s been last month since he said “I love you” and I never dared to question him about that and just told him I miss him so much. I’m all aware that the child is his top priority as I always remind him before birth. And I know for sure that he currently has a lot on his plate. I just hope you can shed some light on me of how I can cope up with this. I’ve been deliberating since before and that I have a feeling that we can work this out until we see each other in person. You can ask me more if you wanna clarify some things since this letter turned out into a longer one that I expect. Thank you so much for taking some of your time to read this. Hope to hear from you. :D Have a good day!
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986  +, writes (22 November 2016):
That story reminds me of my uncle when he first met his wife when he went to the Philippines a few years ago. He married another one before he married my step aunt. I would give him a chance. He really likes you more than a friend. You would not regret it since he wishes that you and him can have kids together instead of his ex gf claiming he is the father of the baby. It is a good thing you two talk about everything that you both get out in the open.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (21 November 2016):
 Ive seen many successful relationships between American men and women from overseas. If hes invested this much in you, Id say its pretty much a guarantee he wants you in his life. I have seen quite a few men fly over to Phillipines and then bring their wives back. Many fall in love and have children. Many of them are very very happy.
I have seen a few where the women took money from American men and she was never heard from again but it doesnt stop these guys from pursuing a different woman, usually even from the same country. People fall in love for different reason and in different ways, doesnt mean they cant work. I know for certain I can never fall in love online (I thought I did once a long time ago when I was so young and naive lol) but after a few very serious, romantic and intensely physical relationships, I know I can only fall in love in person.
But everything youve stated, you clearly love this man. Youre concerned for him, you love him, you care for him, and you have given him space to take care of his baby. Please do not be those women who deny men to love their other babies from different women, all children need love, regardless of heir/genetics/circumstances.
He loves you, you love him. It can work, just continue to save money and one day youll be with him. Id say right now his baby is taking his time, but he is a new father. He needs you to be right there for him, even if I agree that for now he might need space. Hes getting use to holding his baby and being a good father. That says alot about the kind of man he is and kind of man he will be with you.
Just continue to be there for him. And also work, be with your friends, love your parents, try to enjoy your country as much as possible because if you chose to be with him, its a good chance he will want you to move to be with him. Good luck =)
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 November 2016):
 Do you realistically have plans to live with or closer to each other in the near future?
I know it is possible for long distance relationships to work, but you guys have never even met in person yet you're in a relationship. The whole concept of that to me personally just sounds bizarre. How can you fall in love with someone you've never met?
I think you need to seriously discuss when, if ever, you would be able to meet or live with each other. Probably not what you want to read but I think you need to be realistic.
What are the reasons that don't allow you to see each other? If you're both working couldn't you save money to visit one another to see if you're actually compatible in real life and not just online?
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