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female
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*trawberi
writes: I am 26 year old with a 5 year old daughter. I have been having sex for approximately 12 years and have never climaxed while having sex. I can have a clitoral orgasm (only when I do it), but can not have an orgasm while haveing sex. My fiance really tries his best to get me off. But nothing works. I've used sex toys, watched porn while having sex. Nothing seems to work. I've never had full anal sex (slip up only). I've been told that I could try it and possibly succeed, and that I also need to clear my mind and focus on what is going on. That is very hard to do. My mind does wander on various things while I am having sex. Please help me. My fantasy is to reach my climax on my wedding night(in April). What am I doing wrong? How can I clear my mind and focus on what is going on?
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female
reader, Justme83 +, writes (28 October 2005):
I never had an orgasm while having sex. I thought i would never. That i was just one of the women that couldnt. I've been having sex for about 5 years. I recently lost about 40 pounds and have found myself to be more attractive. Well i think. Even though I've been told i was just fine the way i was. I've been able to concentrate on what is going on and what is happening better. It changed my train of thought. There might be something about your self that you arent happy with or some kind of emotion that you need to deal with. That combined with the right positioning of your body. For me i have to tighten up my tummy muscles. Another thing, maybe you dont have great circulation. Maybe take something to increase that. Well i hope this helps. I know i did all of these things and now i have had the full experiance. LOL...
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (22 October 2005):
 I have the same problem as you, I have never reached climax with anyone else. The thing is, I can do it so well to myself that no one else can do better! That may sound weird, but it's true. My boyfriend keeps begging me to show him how I do it but I won't, that's something special that I do when I'm alone. Plus it'd be sooo embaressing having him watching, I wouldn't cum anyway!
But this doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex. Far from it, I have great sex with my boyfriend and want it all the time. I don't feel the need to cum when I'm with him, I enjoy it enough anyway, but I can't say I wouldn't like to!
That's just the way it is, some of us can cum really easily (usually girls who don't get themselves off) and some of us are just too good at it ourselves! Think yourself lucky you can make yourself, some girls never masturbate OR have an orgasm with a man! Just enjoy sex for what it is; an incredible act of love between the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Good luck and just enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2005): I can understand what you are going thru. I am almost 32 years old, and only had my first true orgasm at the age of 28.
It does take a lot of concentration and a partner who is willing to put in the time and effort. Don't concentrate so much on having an orgasm, concentrate on your fantasies, on things that turn you on that others do not know about, or on things that maybe you think about but would never do. Try to make those fantasies come true in your mind. Don't get discouraged, as it may take as much as 30 to 45 minutes, or even longer. I think your best bet of having an orgasm is from external stimulation, not actual intercourse. As someone who knows about this from personal experience, I don't think I have ever had a real, full bodied orgasm from intercourse.
Good luck and I hope that this helps. Don't give up, when you really want it and are able to concentrate fully, it will happen.
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