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Oral sex and the gag reflex

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 March 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I want to please my boyfriend of 6 years just like he has pleased me all these years. But I have gag reflects and I've even vomit a few times. Is there anything I can do to get rid of gag reflects?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013):

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I just want it to be known loud and clear that he isn't the bad guy for liking head!

I'm the one who chose to try something that is too hard for me to physically do.

It's not all or nothing. I do start slow and "medium" as you put it, most of the time. I just know he likes it when I go deeper but it's hard for me to do. I chose to keep trying and I know he's content either if I do or don't. Of course he doesn't want me in pain and vomit.

But if I chose to do it anyway... Then it's my choice.

And he lets me do whatever I want to do, even if he doesn't agree

He always apologizes when I gag but I tell him it's ok. I like and want to please him. I just wish I didn't have a gag reflect. But I will look into things that will make my throat numb. So thank you Cerberus for that suggestion! As for as anal.... He says it all feels different but he does prefer oral and my vagina.

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (10 March 2013):

Cerberus agony auntOP there's no way to get rid of the gag reflex, there are pills that numb it but putting that large a penis in that deep your gag reflex acts as a defence against damage so pills would be a horrible idea.

OP one thing I don't get is this. I understand he likes it the way he likes it, but wouldn't he rather have it in a way that's comfortable for you than not at all?

I sure as hell would rather head in a way that's not my favourite than none at all.

If the problem is that when you try that he tries to ram it down with his hips then you just use your hands to control him.

For the record OP, him liking that is the same as liking anal, it's only a porn gimmick, it does not feel any better physically. Trust me OP I have a penis, the only part that feels anything is the glans, that's all that needs to go in to feel any kind of pleasure.

What I don't understand is why this is an all or nothing scenario. Deep or nothing. Surely there's a happy medium you can get to?

Talk to him OP, tell him you've tried everything looked everywhere and you're not going to be comfortably able to deep throat him, all you can offer is regular head. Ask if him if he'd be okay with only getting that rather than nothing at all.

I mean my fiancée would love to be able to have regular doggy style but my penis is shaped in a way that makes that impossible so we have to be acrobatic about the whole thing I have to do a lot of lifting just to pull it off. It's not ideal but it's a compromise. OP we're just not all built with perfectly straight penises, we're not all built with a gag reflex so lax that we can swallow cocks without puking.

See if you can reach a compromise OP, otherwise you're just going to have to deal with vomit coming out your nose and tears gushing out of your eyes and being utterly demeaned just to give him head. Because the only pleasure from going deep and watch a girl gag and vomit is how demeaning it is, how much of a dirty whore she is to do that. Trust me, I've done it tonnes of times, regular head is actually way more simulating but the idea of fucking a girls face and turning her into a vomit filled, cheap whore is a really nice feeling of power. And lots of women like to feel that degraded and worthless. Why would you want to get rid of your gag reflex when that's the whole point of it? Turn you into a writhing mess of oral pain.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013):

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Oh, there are a few things I must address.

Hypothetically~ If he was to give me oral and likes to do it, but it makes him gag and it made him vomit... I wouldn't want him to do it anymore. But if he enjoys pleasing me even though it's hard for him.... Then that's his choice. Since it feels good to me..... I would let it him choose and go from there. That's exactly how I feel. So to put him down isn't right because if the roles were reversed... I would understand and do the same.

Another thing~ I appreciate him for waiting to have intercourse with me. Shows me how much he loves me before sex.

Most guys won't wait, let alone- PLEASE ME while I'm not returning the favor at the moment. So, if anyone is "selfish" it's you Tisha! For not caring for how he shows his interest in me and only me.

FYI~ He is a sexy dude. In high school, he played basketball and was prom king! He cooks, cleans, getting his masters, and worked at his company for over 10 years and he's only 32! He's intelligent, sweet, and caring. On top of that he is great in bed! He makes sure I come at least 2 times everyday. And the thing that makes him even sexier is that he is faithful. We have only argued 2 times out of 6 years we've been together.

He has never been given oral because of his size. He's large. I'm the only one who has given it to him. I do enjoy it but I have bad gag reflects. Even when I brush my tongue! There is nothing wrong with him if he likes oral. I would say there would be something wrong if he didn't!!!!!

I admit~ I watch porn and I see females take a large penis!!!! Therefore I came here to ask if there's a way to get rid of gag reflects. I don't appreciate the judgement and assumptions you're giving when you don't know him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm not going to explain myself or defend for him anymore after this. He knows what he likes and it's up to me if I want to give it or not. He doesn't care if I choose to stop because he loves me. Because I love him..... I chose to try because our sex is amazing. I just wish I can do a better job at it

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (8 March 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntHe doesn't care if you vomit. Gosh, what a sexy dude he must be. *eye roll*

He likes it deep. Even if you can't tolerate it to the point you expel the contents of your stomach.

" He likes it so much that he doesn't care if there is vomit. But I care because it's painful. And he doesn't like condoms either." So what if he's waited five years to make you vomit and cause you pain? Does that make him a good sex partner? Um, no.

Does he vomit or feel pain in giving you oral sex? I sincerely doubt it.

There are ways to make him feel he's "going deep" without the risk of you aspirating or causing pain to you. If you are a masochist then go ahead with the current situation but there are alternatives to needing anesthetics to have oral sex.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

oh he isn't selfish at all! he waited for 5 years to have sex with me yet he pleased me in other ways. we've only had intercourse this past year and a half. i'm just saying i wanna please him like he has pleased me but it's hard since i have really bad gag reflects. i was hoping there was a way to get rid of it but i guess there isn't. if i didn't want to do it then he will understand and not be upset. but i wanna do it but it's too hard for me. and he does like it deep so therefore, for me~i have to just try.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (6 March 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntHe doesn't care if you vomit? And he won't help out by trying condoms. Hm.

You have a selfish boyfriend on your hands.

He can enjoy the sensation of going deep if you use your hands right. As he seems to prefer to allow you to vomit, I would class him as a bit of a sadist. I wouldn't be surprised if that fundamental approach to a relationship winds up being a larger problem down the road in the rest of the relationship.

Good luck with sorting it out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I do like to please him but it's too hard. He likes it better when it goes deep but it makes me vomit. He likes it so much that he doesn't care if there is vomit. But I care because it's painful. And he doesn't like condoms either. I guess I will just keep trying and hopefully be able to get rid of it?!!...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013):

tricky one. I wanna answer this on two levels:

1) With a dick I don't like, there's no way i can talk myself into controlling my gag reflex... it is there, fair and square, and all the head i can give is around his head. I usually stop there...and no way will he come in my mouth.

With a dick I do like, i can control the gag reflex by taking him in gently at first, right up to where he would make me gag, and then relax by and by. Almost a bit like sex... take it slow and enjoy it every bit of the way. Don't ever feel like you need to let him come in your mouth if you don't like to.

2) It sounds though as if your main motivation to suck him was not because you like doing it, but because you think he likes it. that is a very devoted motivation, but... if you obviously don't enjoy it a single bit - i mean, honestly - do you think your boyfriend would appreciate it? Or really enjoy it? If he's worth it, he is after mutual pleasure, not after a self-sacrificial girlfriend... and will understand if you don't reciprocate in kind. you can certainly reciprocate in other ways (ever tried making him come with your breasts, feet, or other parts? See that would be one-sided pleasure, too, he certainly cannot do the same to you!)

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