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Opinions!!! My boyfriend wants to watch me with another man - healthy and normal??

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2009)
A female United States age 22-25, *hontay writes:

Me and my man michael have been togther almost 5 months ever since we hit about 3 months he has been asking me to have a threesome with another man and him i dont feel comfortable i did it like 4 or 5 times thinking he would give it up but he told me he wants it all the time when he asks i dont want to fuck another man i consired it cheating i wish he would give this up for me because he is a great man otherwise he treats me really good and i love him so much i dont want to lose him but i feel like if i stay here and keep doing this its just going to cost me more pain everytime but if i dont do it he will leave and i dont know how i would handle that i cant go five mintutes without thinking about him i know he is the one but i just need to figure out what i can do but i really think there is nothing i can do please give me some advice thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009):

um he is mostly likley cheating on you any and he doesn't love you not to be mean but wake up did yall recently move intogether?

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2009):

maybe you need to consider where this relationship is going? he obviously does not have real deep feelings for you, as no man would want to watch their girl shag another man for kicks. maybe you just need to think of yourself and cut the strings from him. you are obviously not happy, so why stay with him if you can't bear to keep making his fantasy come alive.

maybe scare him a little and say you want to watch him with another man. then make your point about how you don't enjoy having to have sex with a random while he watches.

i think you just need out of this relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

Hi Shontay,

I feel so sorry to read your story.

Personally, I think when a couple is only 5 months together and the man want so much watching somebody else fucking his gf, the love is not so deep as you might wish.

It is very clear, you love him so much that you are ready to do everything he wants from you, but try to imagine how far he can go for you, to fulfill your desires to make you complete happy.

Keep your dignity, only do things that you are comfortable with and work on your self-esteem.

Good luck

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (24 January 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntYou don't want to do it but did it 4-5 times already?

Healthy and normal are VERY difficult concepts when it comes to sex. Normal especially is very flexible. Take body hair, anyone else think it odd that as female eyebrows have becoming hairier their pussies have becoming balder?

Forget about things being normal, remember, once it was normal to treat people as property because of their color of their skin or their sex.

What matters is, does it make you happy or at least not unhappy. If you want to have a three-some, so be it. Your choice and if your partner(s) agree, good for you. Go for it and enjoy it.

If you don't care for three-somes one way or another, well indulge your partner if you want to.

If three-somes make you deeply unhappy, then don't do them.

Lets consider the situation, you have given up on your own desires (to be monogamous) for his, but he isn't willing to give up on his desire for you. Doesn't that seem onsided? That the love only goes in one direction?

You say he will leave you if you don't do this. Has he said this? What does that say about his feelings for you?

You say you love him and don't want to life without him, but what for? Surely loving someone and being with them is supposed to make you feel good? Two people wanting to make each other happy? Are you happy?

Don't let other people tell you that three-somes are either normal or ab-normal. Focus instead on how it makes you feel. If you spend the rest of your life with him, having sex with other men because he wants you too, will that make you happy?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

How do you even know if michael is his real name?!!!!

gosh

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