A
male
age
30-35,
*igMac92
writes:Okay over the last 5 days me and my girl have become sexually active. Now we both were virgins so when have to take it slow when it comes to actually have sex because i end up hurting her which i comepletly understand. The thing that i really dont understand is that over the past 5 days i went down on her 6 times and she only went down on me once. Now im not trying to say that everything needs to be even or anything close that but now its getting to the point were im getting really frustrated. Now i know she doesnt like giving blowjobs and thats why i dont want to guilt her into it. So how can i get her to help me with my needs without having to guilt trip her.
View related questions:
blow-job, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 August 2011):
 You are both new to this. If you find BJ's really pleasurable, then TELL her that!
Years ago, my lover asked me to touch his nipples during sexual play. I was 20 and CLUELESS why that would be a turn on for him until he mentioned it.
It is all about HOW you bring it up. My guy brought it up simply by doing it TO me and asking me if it felt good. I loved it! "That is how it feels when you do it to ME".
Becoming lovers is all about expression, seduction, converstaion and suggestion. You are smart not to bring coersion into the mix.
Becoming GREAT lovers takes time, and most of all, respect.
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (6 August 2011):
 This is how sex complicates things. I understand how you feel, but there are a couple of things you should think about when it comes to this.
You said yourself that she doesn't like sucking you. Honestly, I don't blame her. Giving blowjobs is uncomfortable, and even painful if you deep throat. Plus, cum, even precum, tastes a bit like a salty wet towel usually and is the consistency of snot. She might warm up to it more, but give her time. EXPECIALLY since she's never done this before.
She's also kind of delicate right now. This is the first time she's done any of this, so she's feeling vulnerable and sensitive. You have GOT to be very gentle, caring and understanding right now. For you, it may or may not be all about the pleasure. For her, there is an extremely emotional side to all of this, and you have the potential to really hurt her right now.
The last thing I want to say is that I get how you feel. my boyfriend and I are similar, except I'm the one who is always pleasuring him, but never gets pleasured. Right now, just take it easy and go with the flow. Maybe give her some subtle hints and tell her, whether it's while she's doing it or at another time, how much you like when she sucks on you. If this goes on for a while, say a few weeks or a month, then talk to her about it and see if there are underlying things going on that make her not want to do that is often. Some of those things could be that she simply doesn't like to, she's still getting used to it, she's worried you're only going to want sex from her, or she's intimidated by your penis. Penises, are very intimidating things, especially when you haven't had much experience with them.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Started just 5 days ago???? Come on dude......give her a little time. She'll get into the groove soon enough. You're being a little too impatient.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 August 2011):
 You guys have just started this stuff 5 days ago! Give her some slack. Sucking on a penis is a huge acquired taste to be sure. Also, if you both have just started having sex, I take it that you are having an orgasm while inside her? Yes? No? I'd say your needs are being well addressed.
The thing to build now is patience and trust, not pushing now for the blowjob. 5 days and she's still sore! You say you went down on her 6 times? How many times have you had sexual relations? Have you gone down on her. and followed it up with intercourse after every "go down"? Maybe she thinks your needs are being met since you're making sure she gets pleasure before you get yours.
Be very patient and don't put strings on your giving her pleasure. Chances are, she's feeling like the ripping inside her and such IS a giving of herself, and I'd tend to agree with her.
Now, if the situation was that she was getting equal pleasure from sex, and she was simply being selfish, that would be different. But you two are just starting! Giving BJ's will happen...just give it time.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Ask her.
She can't read your mind. You need to tell her what you want.
...............................
|
