A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 24 and I broke up with my first real boyfriend about one year ago. We dated for 5 years and I seriously thought we would get married one day. I miss him so much yet I know I can't ever get back together with him because he cheated on me. Two years into our relationship he kissed another girl while out at the bar. I believe he only told me about it because the friend threatened to tell me herself if he didn't. But being young and stupid, I forgave him and we moved on as I figured it was just a kiss.. Then in the last few months of our relationship (3 years after he cheated on me) he met a girl in his building and he started spending time with her and her friend, going out and doing things such as dinner or drinks. At first I thought it was harmless because it was two girls and sometimes his friend would go along too. My ex would tell me to join them but I often couldn't because I was working werid hours at the time. But obviously, there was more going on because 2 months after we broke up, he started dating one of the two girls and he's currently still with her. So I believe he was probably cheating on me in the last few months before we broke up. We broke up because my ex wanted space and he started ignoring me and pushing me away. At the time, it seemed to come out of nowhere but I see now that he was interested in someone else. I gave him space when he asked and after 2 months of space and not being together as a couple (we still talked on the phone and saw each other a bit), I said that I had enough and was breaking it off because if he didn't want to be with me, I wasn't going to sit and wait around for him to come back. He was heartbroken and begged me to stay with him and that he was wrong and had been such a jerk and so stupid...blah blah... But I walked away and now that he's dating that girl, I figure I made the right choice because he probably was cheating on me. Once a cheater, always a cheater right? In the 2 months after we broke up, we would talk on and off on the phone until I found out he was dating that girl from his building and then I cut him out of my life completely because that hurt the most. He would tell me that she wasn't anything like me and that he missed me. Anyway, it's almost a year later and I miss him terribly. We recently started emailing back and forth talking about all kinds of things and now I miss him again. It took me months to get over him and I dated someone new for a couple of months in the year since we broke up, but I just can't get him out of my head. Everything reminds me of him and all I remember is the good and there was so much good. I know he regrets losing me because he told me this recently but he's still dating the same girl. So I guess I wonder if me walking away a year ago was the right choice or not? I feel like I lost a relationship that was so good and I miss him and the life we shared so much. I also believe that I still love him... Did I make the right choice by walking away? How long does it take before I stop missing him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Thanks to everyone that responded to my question, it made me realize that I just need to move on and meet new people, which isn't always easy to do... It'll take time but eventually I'll miss him less and less.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Based on this story I'm not at all convinced that he did cheat on you.
After a breakup, especiallly if it was a bad one, it's only natural to seek comfort with people that you're close to... the relationship with the new girl may well have developed after you broke up with him.
Have you ever asked him about it?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 March 2011):
 you did do the right thing, ending it when he was clearly getting closer to the girl at work.
The kiss in the bar was excusible. Such things can be spontaneous. Such a thing can happen quickly and by chance.
But the attraction between the girl at his work was much more obvious and deliberate. And he did not resist it, allowed it to flourish while keeping you on hold, just in case the work relationship did not work out. That is deceitful.
And now I think the work relationship is starting to falter, hence he has re-established contact with you, while still keeping the girl at work on hold, while he tries to re-interest you.
He needs to learn the rules.
1. End one relationship first
2. Analyse why and where and how it went wrong
3. Work out what is really required next time
4. Go looking for new partner who meets criteria above
5. Start dating new partner
6. If relationship falls over, be honest with partner and return to 1. Above.
If he is serious about wanting to talk to you about seeing you again, in a relationship, then first he has to end his current relationship.
No compromise on that.
Then if you feel very strongly about him. And you feel that the relationship has a chance you still need to talk to him about fidelity.
Has he ever apologised, sincerely, about what he did?
I am in two minds, because I think cheaters often kep doing it, if they think they can get away with it.
But I can sense you are still strongly drawn to him emotionally. And you have no moved on to replace him with anyone else.
But don't think there are not oodles of gorgeous great guys who would love and cherish you, and would not also cheat
It is your choice to see if he still presses all your buttons, or if you feel it is time to trust that in the future you will meet 'the one'
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A
male
reader, mee.agony  +, writes (14 March 2011):
 yes u made the ryt choice...u just cant wait and let this thing get over on its own..i can say this coz have been in a similar circumstances...u have to move on ..lyf moves on and the sooner we realise it the better for us...as for this guy i would say he is a total jerk completely deserving of someone like you..u r special so dont pain yourself for a headless indecissive guy like him.The best thing for you would be to go out,make friends,enjoy life keep urself occupied...m sure and as it is always is that socializing will help u stumble upon the ryt one..the one whom you deserve..the one deserves you..all the best..hope lyf would be less painfull 4 u after this...bye!!!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Fuck this guy, royally. You dont deserve that at all. You miss him cause he was your first love and those are hard to get over. Youre still tying lots of emotion into that past and while thats understandable it is also important for you to go back and logically analyze why things happened the way they did and I see some of that here in your analysis. Like, you said you made a bad decision in forgiving him with that whore at the bar so he went and did it again. What did you learn from that? Its okay you make mistakes doll... its part of being young and learning. Have you started meeting new people yet? Not necessarily dating but its always good to associate yourself with fresh minds and see others which will keep you busy and help you learn more about people so youll know what you want in your next relationship. My best to you on this. Sorry you were treated in such a manner.
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