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On facebook I said another girl is more attractive than my girlfriend, now she's dumped me, how can I get her to forgive me?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 31 January 2008)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi, i need a lot of help...

About 9 months ago something happened on facebook between me and one of my friends. He told me this one girl was hotter than my girlfriend and i replied yes. It had not occured to me that it would lead me to this many problems and i honestly did not mean what i said. I think my girlfriend is so beautiful and it has really hurt her even to this day when i constantly keep telling her it was a mistake and i am so sorry and i didnt mean it. Well the other day my girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me and i know this had a big deal to do with it.She doesnt believe me when i say that she is the most beautiful girl ever and it makes me very sad. I have told her the i didnt think that girl was even close in comparison to her but it isnt good enough. How can i get her to forgive me for saying what i said 9 months ago?

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A female reader, lovehate United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

lovehate agony auntYou idiot. Teenage girls worry about their appearance towards boys 24/7 and for her boyfriend to say that- the guy who's supposed to think she is amazing is very hurtful. I suggest you be more careful in the future.

It's all about learning....apologise is all i can say.

goodluck x

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (31 January 2008):

I'm also wondering why you said it if you didn't mean it.I won't completely blame you.You gf/ex is also being childish.Why dump you now? I guess she may be using that as an excuse to get rid of you.I also suggest you keep apologising and if she doesn't budge,MOVE ON! Be more careful next time.

Good Luck.

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A male reader, TomWilkinson United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

TomWilkinson agony auntA lot of you are being a little too harsh here... from what I gather, he said the other girl was more attractive, BEFORE they started seeing each other. She's being overly sensitive over something that happened in the past, if she actually wanted to be with him, she'd have let it slip or at least try not to mention it.

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A female reader, happyholly United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

I am sure you understand why she is hurt and why that lead 2 you seperating. I think you can just be honest and exsplain you just said what you did to look cool with your friend and that you are truly sorry.This will be a hard one as i can see how she would have been very hurt by the comment you made. I think a letter may be a good idea, how you were stupid and had no intention of hurting her. You will have to work hard if you do get back together as she will now have a trust problem. It may be to late and the damage has been done but one last try and then i feel you may need to move on. I am sure you regret what you said which in turn means you will never have this problem again with the old or new girlfriend.

Hope all works out for you,

PS we all learn from our mistakes and we all make them ,

Good luck ,Holly x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

I would leave her alone - she won't forget what you said you are wasting your time. Next time either try and be a little bit nicer to your future girlfriends or avoid Facebook if you just can't help yourself. I'm afraid I cannot find sympathy for this superficial rubbish on websites. If all the time spent scrolling through pages and pages of pictures of people that mean nothing much to one another earnt money for worthwhile causes then it would be ok. Pay more attention to 'real' people next time?

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (31 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntCall her and tell her you want to treat her to a dinner/show .9 months should be time enough to bury the hatchet.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

George Clooney is more than likely more attractive to women than I am. He's got hair on his head. Would I be upset at being told this? No, of course not. Catherine Jenkins is more attractive than my other half in a purely physical sense, and she'll be the first to say so.

Young women are such sensitive creatures and they have to be wrapped in cotton wool. If she's dumped you over something as stupid as this she's not worth hanging on to. I'd guess she was just looking for an excuse to break up and you handed her one on a plate.

Go and find yourself a Catherine Jenkins lookalike and then you'll honestly be able to say that no-one is hotter than YOUR girl!

Phil

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

hello1 agony auntThat's a bad one! I don't blame her for being upset, any girl would be. Keep apologising and say how much of a idiot you are. If she dosen't forgive you, move on but remember your lesson.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

Are you a moron? If you "didn't mean it" why did you say it? Not only did you say some other girl was better looking than yours, but you enabled some a**hole to put your girl down. Stop telling her she's beautiful, and that you're sorry. That is like throwing salt on her open wounds b/c you obviously don't think she's that beautiful or you would have disagreed with your "friend" What kind of friend says that about his buddie's girl on Facebook where the whole world can read it? Why are you friends with such a person? All I can say is that she's right to leave you. Women want a man that respect and cherish them not put them down in front of everyone to see. Get a clue.

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A female reader, brooke5426 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

brooke5426 agony auntouch. poor girlfriend. Its not just what you said its the fact that you said it. Telling her over and over again you think she is prettier than the other girl is kind of besides the point. She's hurt because your friend said something disrespectful about her and you agreed with him. It wouldnt really matter what it had been. Your friend is an immature idiot for saying that on a site that he obviously knew your girlfriend would read (its an immature thing to say anyway) and your girlfriend probably checked his site expecting you to have posted a reply telling him to shut up or worse. and you had agreed with him and let him talk about her like that.

thats why she's hurt. she doesnt know what else you say about her behind her back and you have broken her trust. thats a hard thing to get back once its gone. i think all you can do is lay it all out there, explain everything, explain how you feel about her then give her space and let her make her decision. unfortunately you cant MAKE her be with you so you just need to cross your fingers, hope for the best, be honest and respect whatever decision she makes.

all the best

brooke

x

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A female reader, Miss Stella Canada +, writes (31 January 2008):

Always remember that we can not take back the words that we say.. Be honest with her and say, hey, ya she is nice looking..but i love you. isnt that enough. It's you that I am with. Doesnt that say something. Its like going to a stripper. No matter where you get your appetite, you always go home for the meal. RIGHT..

If she doesnt buy it..then thats her losssssssssssss.

Cheers dude

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (31 January 2008):

rcn agony auntThis is one that is very difficult. Aparently you really hurt her badly. First of all, stop telling her she's beautiful. That's like beating your head against a brick wall at this point. You have to meet her at an emotional level.

Personally I would tell her, "I'm sorry for everything. If I were you I would of done the same thing. I'm hurt because I know I hurt you, all though I don't deserve you, someday if you let me, I'd make sure you knew how I really feel about you."

Telling her you didn't mean it is spinning wheels too. You'd all ready said it, so to her, if you didn't mean it the answer would of been different in the first place. It's going to be a hard one for you to prove too, and you may have hurt her enough that's she's not willing to allow herself to be hurt again. If so, you'll have to accept that, and learn from your mistake.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (31 January 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

this is why I will never ever use these ridiculous sites like Facebook. They have totally taken away any sort of privacy in this world - it seems to be that everything you do , you say, every person you see , talk to, meet with etc etc is posted for all the world to see.

You are now facing the consequences of a flippant remark being read by your girlfriend.

There's no way to get around this, you have cut to the bone with this girl and she will most likely never forgive you. See it as a lesson in life and for God's sake if you don't want people to know your personal opinions don't post them for all to see on the web!

But once again, tough break dude, it must be hard on ya.

All the best.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (31 January 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntSurely you can understand how much this hurt your girlfriend. I don't know how you can make it up to her, but a soul-bearing heartfelt apology repeated until she says STOP would be a good first step...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

I'm going through something very very similar. I'm 20 and my boyfriend of 8 months is 21. He recently said something similar. We both went to different bars one night and we were exchanging stories the next day when he said some girl came up to him. I asked if she was "hot" and he enthusiastically said she was. When i asked if she was hotter than me, he just smiled really big and said no, ovbiously lying. It hurt sooooo bad I had to hold back tears. I'm not unrealistic or anything, I don't think I'm the most attractive girl in the world. However, in the eyes of the man you love, you WANT very very badly to be the most attractive woman to him. We try, or atleast i know i try hard daily, to look good for him, hoping when he looks at me he thinks, "wow she is beautiful, im a lucky man!" I understand how she feels. BUt i also understand you made a small mistake. The only advice I can give you is to constantly tell her how beautiful she is and how you mispoke. Try doing some sweet things for her to show her how special she is to you. Make her dinner, take her out to dinner. Suprise her with little notes and small gifts. Nothing expensive or creepy. Maybe a note that says "you're so gorgeous and im so lucky to have you. I'll think of you all day baby." I know I would absolutely love to hear that. Just be consistent and tell her you love her and think shes so beautiful and sexy a lot. And be sincere! I know she's just hurt right now and she thinks you'll say anything, including lies, to get her to feel better. She probably thinks you're just telling her she's beautiful to get out of the dog house and not because you really belive it. Actions speak louder than words! Combine the two in thoughtful ways and you will win her back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

Sorry, you made your bed, now you've got to lie in it. You obviously hurt your girlfriend very much and she has a hard time trusting you after you said such a mean thing behind her back. I'm not sure that there is much you can do about it.

Be more careful in the future, and if someone says something like that to you again, reply "no way, my girlfriend is a total fox, that girl is a dog compared to her"- it is always the correct response and will make any girl you are with feel completely comfortable and enable them to trust you. Live and learn.

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