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Oh no... I got drunk and had sex with my brother!

Tagged as: Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2005) 27 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2008)
A female , anonymous writes:

I am twenty nine years old. Last summer my ex husband had the kids away on holidays and I went to stay with my brother for a couple of days. His wife and kids were away. We went to a party and we both drank a lot, when we came home we drank a bottle of whiskey between us. I hardly remember what happened, but I remember him asking me to go to bed with him. It was the furthest thing from my mind, but because I love my brother so much I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I agreed.

At least that's what I think happened. Then something awful happened. We had sex. The next day he asked me did I usually practise safe sex, I think he was worried about disease. I am so ashamed of what I did. I have never told anybody. I still love my brother. Is this something I can ever share or do I take it to the grave with me?

View related questions: drunk, my ex, on holiday

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

yes you should take it to your grave or talk to your brother about it and see what he thinks about it maybe he feels how you feel

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A female reader, diamondcitygyrl United States +, writes (18 December 2007):

Take the secret to the grave...

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (9 November 2007):

Do what you feel is best. I know the decision may be tough especially since you love your brother. I know how you feel,ive gone through a similar situation,try talking to your brother,whether you keep having sex with him or not i wish you the best,you have my support

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007):

We have the ability to reason (if we are sober), and act accordingly. We are not just animals.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007):

I am 18 yrs female continuing my graduation. Once I caught my younger brother of 16 masterbating. I was excited and felt to have him with me. I persuaded him so long I'm with him he need not masterbate. Then we had sex one night and still continuing for last 4 months. It is purely recreational and both are enjoying. What is wrong in it if we enjoy sex without procreaton.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

Well having sex with your brother is bad , only if you think it is. If you enjoyed the sex... there realy is nothing to worry about. No need to waste your money on therapist , just talk with your brother about it. And telling your husband is your choise , you don't have to do it unless you feel like it. This is realy about you , not him. On my opinion keeping this a secret can help you , if you teach yourself how to lie. Since noone knows it really is ALL about you. I am sure your Brother won't tell anyone. Just sit down and have a conversation with him. After all he is your brother.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

Do you remember if you enjoyed the sex with your brother or not? Also, have you had sex with him again? Probably the only person you could talk to this about would be a therapist. Consensual sex between siblings happens more often than people think, especially when the brother and sister and close and feel love for each other. However, I find it unusual that you decided to comply with his request go to bed and have sex with him because you love him so much. I have never heard of a sister loving her brother so much and so strongly that she would be willing to have sex with him. So seek out a therapist so that you can get over the guilt. Otherwise, it may cause damage later. Also, do NOT tell your family about it. It is none of their business. But you might have to tell your husband about it. Ask the therapist for guidance on this. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007):

Hey, It is a new time coming, people can be how they wan't to be, If you have had sex with your brother so wath, your misstake is something that meny people do, and yours misstake is not bad, we are animals exept it, hey you hwo belive in god, exept that you have done some misstakes to, ore als you woldent be at this site, I have nothing against if you were drunk and had something with your brother.

Talk to him, he now wath you did and it is done, or you going to have problems with it in the rest of your life, I also have problems but not that way, I have not exept me for it and thats it, but I can speak about it, and thay I made it with is not sad about it, thay can live with it so can I! So talk to him! // A friend

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007):

Hi

Don't punish yourself, but do keep quite about this.Your experience seem to bother you and it should not. If it was a mistake so be it. Forgive yourself and move on.

On a personal note I wish my sister and I could have such an experience minus the alcohol. Bet if people where truely honest they would admit it was something they have fantasied about.

Go easy on yourself life is hard enough without self punishment.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007):

It happens I had a similar experiance with my sister a few years ago to much drink and to much time on our own, both in unsatasfactory relasionships. We got talking about our sex life while drunk. How my wife was friget and her husband cheating and what started out as sibling comfort led to full sexual intercourse. The following day we both felt guilty and did not see or speak to each other for over six months. We eventual got together and talked it out, we both dealt with it and have got over it we are still close, BUT we have more distance with each other then before we had sex. My advice meet over coffee and talk it out with him try to sort it that way it maybe the best way of dealing with it for both of you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007):

Just put it behind you and never mention it to anyone. Nobody would understand, probably not even a therapist. I was once sexually attracted to my cousin, when we were in college years ago -- nothing happened, he wasn't aware of how I felt and thank God I never told him. I did mention it to my therapist years later, and he was absolutely horrified. He then started asking me if I was a "victim of incest," if I had been molested as a child. I hadn't been and he seemed almost disappointed! He said that sexual feelings for one's cousin were abnormal and incestuous. I was sorry I ever told him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007):

Your a sick women to have sex with your brother, in the bible it says you go to hell, and thats where you will go if you don't honestly feel awful about what happened. think about things before you do something stupid and terribly disgusting next time. Good Luck, Bye.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007):

I to have had a similar experiance happen, except it was with my brothers, and im a man, was a boy at the time. A friend of ours was doing it with his sister, and told my oldest brother to try it, so he did. we where young, and didnt know, i feel so sad about this, it makes me just wnata do things to myself, so no1 will ever know. Its a personal choice to tell someone, if you want to you can, if u feel u need to you can, and you have.

Its hard not to be ashamed, you love ur brother and thats understandable, im sure that it wasnt anything more then care for him. Whats happened has happened. If we all thought negitivly about the past, the planet would be a empty place, with ever1 six foot under

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006):

Man o man,

Here's a real world prospective for you. We're humans, mammals, we evolved from the wild; incest is natural, what happened is very natural, albeit unusual to society. Incest is truly one of the last TABOOs. Some people on here are trying to make you out to be a victim, you had consentual sex there are no victims of consentual sex. Sex today is very RECREATIONAL, people 'do it' more for fun than to procreate. Why, if you're attracted to someone, can you not have sex with them? So long as your not getting pregnant or spreading disease your fine. Unfortunately, I'm being stereotypical here, woman are more emotionally attached to sex than men, I can almost guarantee that your brother thought "What the fuck did we do?" and behind that wishing that it would happen again. PEOPLE ARE TOO CLOSE-MINDED!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006):

I MET MY half BROTHER A FEW MONTHS AGO.It wasnt instant but my feeling became very intense. He felt the same and we had sex but because we love each other it didnt feel wrong. I am married and consumed with guilt about this but cant stop thinking about my brother in a sexual way. I feel so weird i cant tell anyone because im scared of what they might think.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006):

never say anything to anyone.Talk to him about it and tell him that your never going to tell anyone and you'd appreciate it if he never did either.If you did it will come back to haunt you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006):

I agree with harshbutfair. Take it to your grave and don't let it happen again. Speaking from experience this is the kind of thing that can really mess you up if you dwell on it. Also, I've never found a therapist of any kind that will help. This problem is either so rare or so unreported that no one, no matter how qualified, really knows how to deal with it. Just put it behind you and move on.

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A male reader, pzeller +, writes (31 December 2005):

pzeller agony auntWe all make mistakes, that is life. This one sounds like a whopper, and no, not something to share.

Stay friends with your brother. You both know it was stupid, and you learned from it. That's the best thing you can do from a mistake - learn from it.

...and no, it doesn't make you bad people

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A female reader, Shila +, writes (20 December 2005):

Im so sorry to tell u this but i think ur out of ur mind...I mean how could u sleep with ur brother even thou u were so drunk.that shouldnt have happened.........It should never ever happen.........just think about it....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005):

Take this to the grave, you dont want to be known as the woman who screwed her brother while seen out and about town.

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A female reader, Jenna United Kingdom +, writes (29 November 2005):

Jenna agony auntMy advice is no this isn't something you can share except with someone you don't know eg a counsellor - it wouldn't be fair on anyone close to you to have to hold onto this. Hey it wasn't a wise move but whats done is done so accept you made a mistake (we're all fallible) and concentrate on having legitimate and healthier relationships. If it is still bothering you then deal with it through professional counselling. Best of luck, Jenna

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A male reader, Tim +, writes (27 November 2005):

Tim agony auntIt does happen, I neva blame you neither your bro, the best thing is neva drink with your bro again, and neva be so soft to find yourself naked in the arms of your married bro at age of 29 thought u were 9 but u are an adult how could u commit such a big sin jesus, u r both married and he is your bro ;( I hope this trauma never live with u all ur life and u both be forgiven, amen,

In a way u are very kind and too lovey for not breaking his heart but in another hand a guilty mom or sister for offering sex to ur drunk bro excuse me u sound alcholic to me and so does your handsome and sexy bro no hard feeling, flirty sista who close her eyes and wanted to please herself, Good gys neva ask their sisters to sleep with them.

My last advice is dont ruin urself any furthur dont tell anyone about it, keep it as a secret between each other go to church and confess it and ask for forgivness. I pray for you, may my God forgive you, and take out this trauma out of ur heart and ur mind and ur life and make you feel better.

Good luck with ur secrets by the way u are too naughty for a sister

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005):

stop drinking.

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2005):

shania agony auntIs he goodlooking? Seriously though,your brother needs therapy and you could do with some as well!What were you thinking of? Dont sleep with your brother again.Its called incest,and you can get arrested for it.If you can put this behind you and move on then great,but if you felt ashamed,or guilty then it would be wise to seek professional help.It happens all the time and it can affect your life,learn from that.

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A male reader, Dr Vincenzo +, writes (16 October 2005):

My only advice is that you should NEVER tell any future boyfriends about this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005):

As a first step, you can share this with a good, qualified family therapist, perferably one who deals in family incest. This may be the only way you can heal from this trauma or it will haunt you forever. The reason you need to talk about this to a therapist is because the secrecy aspect of sibling incest is very damaging to the female involved. You are feeling intense guilt and shame. It's likely you feel that you have to remain silent about what happened and worse, you will often feel that you were to blame for what happened to you. Your shame of what happened is likely affecting you so adversely, you could eventually experience many problems such as depression-related to anger, guilt, self-doubt, self-blame and depression.

Sibling incest can occur out of a set of needs that both siblings have, such as a desire for affection and combating loneliness. You can't depend on family support-this will devastate them all. So this is why counselling is so cruical and important. You need to talk to someone and get some good, qualified help in dealing with it.

Because men are taught to be self-reliant and girls are taught to be nurturing and protective, females who have been victims of incest may find it hard to admit the abuse for fear of "destroying" the family. If this is happening to you, then such a fear like this only reinforces the secrecy of the abuse, making the psychological stress on you that much stronger.

Please seek some help and understanding about what happened to you. I wish you the best of luck in getting through this difficult time. Take care and hang in there.

Hugs,

Irish

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A male reader, harshbutfair United Kingdom +, writes (19 September 2005):

harshbutfair agony auntMake sure it never happens again. You're gonna have to take it to the grave sweetie. Everyone has a secret or two that will die with them... Welcome to yours.

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