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male
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anonymous
writes: Ok, need some help here. Married for 14 years, no kids. I've always wanted children, but she just kept saying she wasn't ready, and she worked on her career. I've never really felt we've connected, and it's becoming more obvious to me as the years go by. I guess I need to be hit on the head. And I was recently. I am nuts for another woman (have known her for 3 years) and even look at other people's marriage with envy because I know I'll never have that great romantic love. We got married because it felt to me the thing to do at the time. Now she finally says she wants to have a child and I worry that I shouldn't have kids and commit to 20 more years with someone that I don't love deeply. I feel like if I want any chance at all of having a real relationship (and maybe marriage) with this other woman, that I have to divorce my wife soon. My heart says so, but my brain says not to. I am a romantic and have always been sort of bored and disappointed with my selection of a wife, although she is very attractive and very nice and loves me dearly and treats me like a king. My leaving her would "rip out her heart" is what she said when I said I needed time to be alone for 3 months or so seperate. She is throwing out our old pics and then she tries to be a super angel to me so I will never leave. Anyhow, this other woman will have nothing much to do with me while I'm married, but I know we relate together like no one I've ever met before. I am sure to break up to 3 hearts in this situation, and all my friends and family. Can't life be simpler and should I live for myself as if I only have 1 year to live?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005): you made all those decisions the day you married her.marriage is for life.if she loves you like that.she comes 1st.you have no reason to hurt her.other than selfish ones.your her man..the other woman is a good woman not to date you with a wife she is right.go home and co opperate more with your family.trust me if you leave and marry the other woman you will end up saying the same thing about your new wife.you sound very selfish to me.
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (7 September 2005):
Even when we feel over the moon head over heels in love with someone, these feelings always level out. Being interested in someone new can also make us compare our spouse and our marriage with how we feel around this new exiting person. Our spouses nearly always lose out. No matter how great things are in the beginning all relationships boil down to who will cook the dinner and who forgot to take out the trash. You made a commitment to your wife on the day you got married and before you give up you need to put more energy into your current relationship. However I would say that having a child now would be a bad idea.
Hope you work things out.
Delila
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