New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login239983 questions, 1061743 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Now separated and some of the men I meet are a disappointment. Why are they so blunt about asking for sex when they don't know me?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 July 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 July 2016)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was married for 20 years and now dating again as I separated from my husband. Nothing tragic, just grew apart though still friends and civil with each other.

One daughter, away in college who is really cool with the situation .

Men I meet: terrible.

One worth than another. All offer me sex right away. Everywhere. In one night 3 Uber drivers offered me sex, and gave me their phone numbers. They don't ask me on a date, no, they want action right there, right now.

We went out with my girlfriend yesterday, and I liked the guy who started talking to us. But this only guy I liked, obvious was into my friend, but not me.

So, I left.

On a way home Uber driver, young handsome guy told me I am his last ride and offered just to come to my place. What is wrong with this Uber people??

I went out couple times just for a drink and a bit of food. Same story. Guys start talking to me, and then after 1 hour they want sex.

What is this ? A new generation of men who are so blunt as to just say it out loud things like that? And actually hope to get it??

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (8 July 2016):

chigirl agony auntI dont know what Uber is, but perhaps it's time to not talk to any of these Uber people again?

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (6 July 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntPlease report *any* taxi driver who does that; it's unprofessional and makes you feel unsafe. They're not suitable to drive vulnerable (like drunk/young) people around if they'll happily proposition you because they could easily take advantage! Please report them for the safety of you and others!

As for bluntness, it sucks that they want it, but it helps you get past the crappy "options".

<-- Rate this answer


A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (4 July 2016):

BrownWolf agony aunt

They figure you are separated and most likely due to the lack of sex in your marriage. Lonely she must be in need of a man.

Those guys are what I call scavengers. Looking for the weak, depressed, lonely, and sad. Just circling around waiting to pick off their pound of flesh.

Scavengers are the worst of men. They are too lazy and shallow to do the work of getting a woman of their own. They wait for someone to injure a woman, so they can swoop in and put her in a worst place than she was before. Then brag about their conquest.

Next time they offer you sex, reply with..."I would. I would love to have sex, and need it...but I only offer it to men who think with the head on their shoulders. Let me know when you are smart enough to use that head...Have nice day."

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly? I'd report EVERY single Uber driver who does this. Car services should be a SAFE place for a woman to be going home or to events, not for getting hit on. That is crazy!

As for meeting only crappy guys... well, I do think once you pass 30-35 dating gets MUCH harder.

Meeting guys in bars and on nights out? Meeh, maybe not the best place to meet a decent fella who is NOT just looking for instant gratification with no strings attached.

TAKE your time getting to know a guy. Some will say they want serious relationships but will offer sex right off the bat, so it's really up to you to decide what YOU want.

If a guy only offers sex, then it's perfectly fine to say no thanks. Like Auntie Cindy says, you don't have to change YOUR standards, but you can't expect THEM to change theirs either.

Know what you want, stick to your OWN standard/values/boundaries. And know it will take time finding a GOOD one. Or rather a GOOD match.

In a way, the guy who halfway through the meal suggested sex, it was a good thing. You can then weed him out fast and move on to the next person.

I'd also suggest you get that divorce finalized if you are serious about not being with your husband any more. To me either you are married or you are not. The whole "separated" is such a limbo for everyone.

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (4 July 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Look at the bright side, though. In this way, your screening process is simplified. Much clearer, shorter and easier.

I get what you say, and in part it is a generational thing. I am from a time and place ( with all you can say against Italian men- and it's a lot,- they DO enjoy a bit of courting, they don't see it as wasted time ) where the intentions might have been just the same, but there was a sort of protocol that imposed also to those just looking for no strings the stringent necessity to ask you out " for drinks " or " too see their rare stamps collection " or whatever excuses they could come up with.

People did not go straight for the kill- or " straight for the triangle " as I heard it defined by some high school kids. So I got as shocked as you the first times I got asked , rather than, " Would you mind giving me your phone number .... ", " Would you mind giving me a BJ ". Well, maybe not THAT blunt,lol, but you know what I mean- one could see very well that social niceties weren't high on the agenda.

But in a way it's better. You know what is what, what the expectations are, what's on offer. And if you are not on the same page, you just say no thanks and you have not wasted more than one hour of your time ( .. even less some times ).

No games, no "mixed " signals- all plain and simple. Your cup of tea ? Partake. Not your cup of tea ? Send them at once on their merry way.

But don't these man realize how rude, how disrespectful they are being ?

Well, yes and not. We cannot pretend to ignore that there have been big changes, more in social mores and mentality than in good manners.

There is lots and lots of people who don't see sex as an act of love, an act of intimacy, an act of emotional connection- but simply as a recreational, fun thing to do.

You or I or other people may disagree - but nobody is forcing us to change our ideas about sex, so I don't know if we are justified in wanting to change theirs.

For many people sex is just not THAT big of a deal, it can just be abut physical pleasure , or a friendly companionable thing to do.

So, from this point of view, some men ( and women ! ) won't see the fact of offering you sex right away as an offence or an insult- more like offering you half of their sandwich . No big deal. If you have an appetite , you take it. If you don't, you leave it.

<-- Rate this answer


Add your answer to the question "Now separated and some of the men I meet are a disappointment. Why are they so blunt about asking for sex when they don't know me?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft