A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I met this guy online. We been talking 5 months. He lives 2000 miles away. He wanted to come visit me however I have roommate so we mutually decided I go visit him. I was under the impression we were dating monogamously. Come to find out, he's definitely entertaining other women. I purchased a non refundable airline ticket ( I have no idea what to do. Might I add, it's my birthday weekend that I'm going to visit him. I'm upset more because I've put out money and I can't get it back! I was so excited to see his city and spend time with him. He always says he promises we will have a good time,don't worry about anything and now I feel so helpless. I can't afford a hotel for the 2 weeks I'm visiting. I want nothing romantically to do with him anymore however it's my birthday and I want to go on vacation. My heart hurts. I've obviously been played. It's so hard for me to call my money, and my vacation a lost and not go.. I can't trust him! Who knows if he will show up to pick me up. What do I do?
View related questions:
money, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (12 January 2016):
Hey sweetie, you posted before didn't you .. I think the best advice has been given .. He has pretty much been playing with your feelings and I think that can happen even long distance . I would as svc said cash your ticket for somewhere else if you can .. I would stop communicating with him .. and I would get on with my life ..I know, this will be hard but what do you have? Someone who led you to believe things that aren't true etc.. Just say to yourself you got out before you invested any more of yourself than you already have .Be kind to yourself. Take up some new hobbies, or buy a good book, watch some movies with friend; go clubbing, swimming; whatever you fancy. Have a go at i; get an elastic band and wear it on your wrist, and every time you think of him give it a ping. It will make you physically wake to realise the pain he already caused you.You will meet someone lovely. It isn't him .. Take care. Chin up. x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 Did you both agree that you where in a monogamous relationship or did you just assume this to be? I'm sorry that you have lost money here, but you have never met this guy, so am not quite sure what you where expecting. Two people need to spend time TOGETHER to get to know each other, to see if there is chemistry before they get in to a relationship. May this be a lesson learned and hopefully next time you will remember to take it slow with someone and get to know them FACE to FACE. Good luck. I agree call the airline.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (11 January 2016):
 Sorry if I misunderstood. If you can't get refund or a credit note for your flight then try selling it off on Ebay. It's a lesson learned and we all have them. Hopefully they get fewer as we grow older. :-)
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 January 2016):
Just so I understand this correctly - are the following two statements factual?1 - You have never met him.2 - Your perception is you are dating him monogamously.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 January 2016):
 I agree with SVC - CALL the airlines and check out your options.
I would NOT go see him.
If you can't get a "rain-check" sort of deal with the airlines, do you know ANYONE else in that city who might put you up?
And learn from this, even after 5 months "chatting" online a guy is still somewhat of a stranger.
I met my husband on a vacation, we didn't hook up while I was there, we did however hang out a lot. 3 months later he came to visit me, he had a hotel booked and SLEPT there the 10 days he was visiting and two months later I flew over to see him, again NOT staying with him but had my own hotel room. I gives you not only privacy, but also a place to fall back on in case, CRAP happens. Let's say that you were staying at his, you weren't ready to for sex, but he still tried? what then? let him force himself on you, because you had nowhere to go?
ALWAYS think things through, including your own safety.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2016):
 you can usually for a small fee cancel the flight and reuse it for something else within a year.
check with the airline to see what your options are for canceling and then schedule to go somewhere else.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 Denizen, I think you did not understand correctly. I think the OP mentioned her roommate just to explain how come she decided going to visit the boy in his place and not viceversa ( not enough space and privacy with a roommate underfoot).
Unluckily, that's exactly the catch , if I get it right : the OP was supposed to stay two weeks at the boy's place as his guest ( right, OP ? ) and can't afford to spend two weeks in a hotel on her own.
At this point OP, what can you do... I understand that it's a big disappointment and that the loss of romance is made twice worse by the loss of money, but... emit a big sigh, chalk it up to experience and stay home. I think it's safer .
Actually, when I started reading, I was going to say : Hey , leave anyway ! Never mind about the guy ! Travelling alone may be a blast !, you always wanted to visit that place , now you can do it , you can explore it on your own or with a guided tour, you can enjoy the local cuisine / music / nightlife etc.etc....
BUT : obviously you had counted of spending two weeks at the guy's home so you had not budgeted for any extra accomodation.
Then , I was going to say : who cares about the guy, you don't want to miss out on your vacation. Arm yourself with nerves of steel, and just act as a polite houseguest, with no hint of romance , occupying that bed that had been promised to you for two weeks.
It really would take some nerve to act as cool as a cucumber in these circumstances, but,maybe, it's better than losing your money.
BUT : this is not some platonic friend, or even an ex that does not want a romance anymore but still caes about you as a person ! This is a basically unknown guy with player inclinations, who was obviously happy to have you under his roof - and in his bed - for a nice uncommited,temporary fling. Now that he is not going to get laid anymore.... would he really show up at the airport ? Would he honour your agreement, now that there's nothing in it for him ?
Who knows....maybe but I doubt it, though. His conscience might bother him because of the bad predicament in which he put you, and he might decide to put you up anyway if so you wish.... or else, also not. You don't know each other, you weren't even really dating, you had never met before... he might also give a shrug, think " her problem " and leave you high and dry at the airport, to fend off for yourself with little money and no roof over your head.
Too, too risky.
I'd stay home. Yeah , it sucks I know, but... you'll get over it. Better luck next time !
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (11 January 2016):
Did I understand correctly that you were intending to travel with your roommate? If that is the case why not just turn it into a holiday for the two of you and ditch the assignation with Mr Popular who you now don't really want to see?
What was your roomate intending to do while you and other guy got to know each other. It sounds like it might work out better this way. Go and have a damned good time. Remember three's a crowd.
...............................
|
