A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for over 2 years and it just seems nothing EVER goes right in our relationship. There is no such thing as peaceful, pleasant times for us. It has never been like that, unfortunately.When we got together, instead of spending the first year enjoying ourselves, I helped renovate my partner's house. I could count on one hand the amount of weekends we went out for a nice dinner or caught up with our friends. We could have taken our time and finished it slowly, but my partner was living with his brother and there were a heap of issues between them so he was desperate to get out. I also forgot to mention each single trip to see my partner was 90 minutes...the driving took it out of me too. My partner and his brother lived together and that was tough because he was so rude to both of us. He didn't even bother to say a simple hello to anyone and he didn't clean up any of his mess.At Christmas time one year, my partner and I went on a road trip to spend some quality time together.Sadly, my partner broke his foot so he spent most of the time in the car complaining. It was a terrible trip.Last Christmas we went away again hoping for a better trip. This time we fought nearly every day over silly little things. It was the worst holiday ever.Finally when my partner's house went on the market, we were happy because we knew we might be out of there soon. Unfortunately, 3 of the contracts on the house fell through. It was heartbreaking because we wanted to get out of the house away from his brother.6 weeks ago my partner sold his house!! In the process of moving his things out recently, he slipped a disk in his back so he had to live with his parent's place for 2 weeks until his back came good. I offered him to stay with me but it was too far for him to drive to work each day.Yesterday, my partner found out the money for his house had been messed up so he wouldn't be paid the full amount for another 6 weeks! Because of this, we aren't able to book our trip overseas (supposed to be leaving in 7 weeks) because he obviously needs money so the trip is now cancelled! (I'm not able to lend him money right now either as I am just getting by)I just feel like NOTHING ever goes right in our relationship! I spoke to my partner about it and he agreed. No matter how hard we try, nothing ever works smoothly. I am getting to a point where I just don't know whether to keep seeing my partner. Should I continue being with my partner? I just want a peaceful, drama free life and to be able to enjoy myself. I do love him though. Will these rough years ever end?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 You do have choices. You can break up and go off on your own and probably feel sad and miserable and find something to complain about, you can stay together complain some more that nothing goes right and then ask the same question in a years time. Or else you can actually stop being pessimistic and look at the good things in your life. You have a roof over your head, a boyfriend, food in your stomach, a car ect. Try and be thankful for what you do have and don't dwell on the bad points, imagining wakening up tomorrow and hearing your boyfriend was killed during the night, would these things matter then? Would you stand up at his funeral and list all the bad points.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (7 July 2017):
 You can't control what happens in your life, but you CAN control how you react to it. It sounds like both of you have a negative way of looking at things in life. One little mishap and the whole event is seen as "terrible" or "the worst holiday ever".
So your boyfriend broke his foot on your trip. You could still have enjoyed the time together, albeit not quite in the way you had hoped. But no, your boyfriend chose to just keep complaining. One or other of you could have called a stop to the fighting at Christmas and made an effort to have a good holiday but you both chose to keep fighting over petty things.
Do you see where I am coming from? I all depends on your outlook. One person will complain about not being able to find a parking space near to where they are going as they have to walk a long way, while another person will just be grateful they have a car and are fit and healthy enough to walk the distance. It's all about how you perceive things.
You seem to gloss over any good things and just concentrate on the bad. Your boyfriend has sold his house. That is a huge GOOD thing but all you see is that the money is delayed by a few weeks. In years to come, if you mention this incident, you will doubtless gloss over the sale and just emphasise what bad luck it was that the money was delayed. Your trip abroad can be rescheduled, surely? Although, in your shoes, I would be reluctant to be so far away from home with your boyfriend as you are both bound to find something to be unhappy about and then you are stuck together for the duration.
Can you train yourself to see the good, rather than the bad, in each situation? There is inevitably some good if you look hard enough. I think this is the difference between happy and unhappy people. Unhappy people fixate on the bad, while happy people concentrate on the good. When your boyfriend was complaining about breaking his foot, could you not have hugged him and said "but we are still managing to spend time together and that is what this trip is about"?
As to whether you two should stay together, if you are going to keep reinforcing each other's outlook on life as you do, then I would say you are going to have a miserable life ahead of you. One or both of you needs to change. If this is not possible then maybe breaking up is the best option as, hopefully, you will both find partners with much more positive outlooks on life who can help you be happier.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (6 July 2017):
 I remember your previous posts regarding his brother etc. and it certainly appears you guys are JINXED :( For every step forward there are 10 steps back in your life.
It’s just as well the overseas trip was cancelled, it probably saved you both. I certainly wouldn’t go in a plane with him for fear of it falling out of the sky.
For me; if you can’t laugh at the end of day at all this bad luck, keep smiling and treat each other kind, I don’t see the point in dragging this out.
You must be an extreme optimist, or have macabre humour or be a fairy-tale enthusiast to see this relationship through.
Take Care - CAA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2017): There is this pesky thing we call "pessimism." Sometimes we spend too much time complaining and dwelling on our misfortunes; and don't bother to celebrate our blessings, or give thanks. You all too easily listed everything that went wrong. Which means you tend to stew and grudge. Know why? Because when something goes wrong, you get bitter! No matter what good happens; it didn't matter to you. It's insignificant, and you can't shrug things off. It's all a part of life. Some people are never happy. They don't want to be. That's why!Blessings start to dry-up when all you can see is misery and bad luck. You have to sometimes look at life from more than one perspective. We all have mishaps, injuries, and deals that fall through. Who doesn't???Even if you left your partner; if you take that defeatist attitude with you, it won't make a bit of difference. You're still young and under forty. You must be pretty healthy, you didn't mention any health issues or broken bones. You have a job, and even though you complained, you still had a roof over your head. You don't get over stuff get out; because you were too busy stewing about what last went wrong. Let go!Life is too short, sweetheart. You've got to count even the smallest of blessings; and be grateful when you come-out on the other side of a bad ordeal. That's a victory! Especially when you come through it whole and you didn't die from it.Try to be more thankful. Notice good things as much as you study on the worst. Do good things for others, and the rewards come back.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2017):
 You asking about fate and what the crystal ball would tell you. How can we do that? Talking about metaphysical stuff, a person goes through 7 year life cycles. There are also partners who bring us luck and those who don't. I hope you can be the one who keeps on repeating to him, "don't worry, just take your time. Good times are ahead." I think that's the mindset that could bring luck to a man.
I know you love him, I want to know if he at least loves you or loves you more. That would be the deciding factor. Is he doing all this for you and does he have marriage in mind once the financial stuff gets taken care of? A vacation is temporary but a marriage is forever.
There's a 5 day rule for bad days versus good days. You should have at least 5 good days to offset 2 bad days in a week. If you want out I understand but would 6 weeks is nothing unless he's lying about the money.
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