A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Help! I think I am starting to lose feelings for my bf of nearly 6 years. I don't want to stop trying, but I don't know what to do anymore. We are both in college, but it seems I always have to cater to his needs and he rarely sees mine. He gets very mean when he is under pressure. I am not perfect, God knows, but I try to understand when he can't come over or even meet for a quick dinner because he has so much work. We never do anything together anymore it seems. What I really can't take is when he gets mad when I call him on the phone because he is in the middle of a long assignment, or if I ask if he wants to do something or tell him I miss him. He tells me I am annoying and bugging him sometimes. He hurts my feelings and I get emotional, but he doesn't seem to care. He tells me about all the negatives he sees in me when he is like this. It erodes my sense of self worth. He is not like this much of the time, but when he is, each time I lose a little bit of the way I felt about him. This week I have exams, projects and final rehearsals for a production I am in. I also have a job. I know I am more able to juggle a lot of things, but it doesn't mean I am not stressed out and need the support of my boyfriend. He just doesn't seem to see beyond himself when he is like this. I am not answering his calls and I don't want to see him because I have no time to fight or be belittled. I have never felt this before. I have always been willing to talk about it, but I just don't feel like it.I don't know what to do because I do love him and we had planned to get engaged soon. Now I just don't know.
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female
reader, the1st1 +, writes (30 April 2009):
You say the two of you have been together for 6 years, well you are still very young. People change when they grow. I think that all the stress you are in, along with him being that way has made you come to realize in the back of your mind that even though you love him he isnt "the one". If he is acting this way when he is under pressure and has a lot of school work to do, what will you do when the two of you are out of college, have a house and come up short on payments, then he will get worse. It wont get better, because the older we get the more stressful life gets. I know that everyone gets into fights, and has their differences but YOU DO NOT deserve to be treated like that!!! If all he tells you when he is in his little "mood" is the negative things he sees in you, then he isnt just thinking about those things when he is stressed. He thinks of it all the time, just doesnt tell you! You need someone that can look past all the negative things about you, and love and respect you FOR WHO YOU ARE. You also shouldnt be taking care of his every need and not get anything in return. Relationships should be 50/50, actually I will have to say 100/100. If any man you are ever with doesnt give you as much as you put into the relationship then they arent the one, and you shouldnt put up with it. Also, if you ever feel like you arent giving the amount of effort that they are giving you, you shouldnt let them live that way. A relationhsip will only survive if you both love and respect each other enough to treat them as you would want to be treated, along with working with them on there needs and wants. I would say to let him know how you feel, tell him you need a break to figure out what you really want. In that time, figure out the pros and cons of your relationship. If there are more pros, see if you can look past the cons. If not then tell him you would rather move on.I hope I helped. Keep me posted please
A
female
reader, the1st1 +, writes (30 April 2009):
You say the two of you have been together for 6 years, well you are still very young. People change when they grow. I think that all the stress you are in, along with him being that way has made you come to realize in the back of your mind that even though you love him he isnt "the one". If he is acting this way when he is under pressure and has a lot of school work to do, what will you do when the two of you are out of college, have a house and come up short on payments, then he will get worse. It wont get better, because the older we get the more stressful life gets. I know that everyone gets into fights, and has their differences but YOU DO NOT deserve to be treated like that!!! If all he tells you when he is in his little "mood" is the negative things he sees in you, then he isnt just thinking about those things when he is stressed. He thinks of it all the time, just doesnt tell you! You need someone that can look past all the negative things about you, and love and respect you FOR WHO YOU ARE. You also shouldnt be taking care of his every need and not get anything in return. Relationships should be 50/50, actually I will have to say 100/100. If any man you are ever with doesnt give you as much as you put into the relationship then they arent the one, and you shouldnt put up with it. Also, if you ever feel like you arent giving the amount of effort that they are giving you, you shouldnt let them live that way. A relationhsip will only servive if you both love and respect each other enough to treat them as you would want to be treated, along with working with them on there needs and wants. I would say to let him know how you feel, tell him you need a break to figure out what you really want. In that time, figure out the pros and cons of your relationship. If there are more pros, see if you can look past the cons. If not then tell him you would rather move on.
I hope I helped.
Keep me posted please
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