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Not sure if he likes me, or not, after he avoided me. Have I ruined my chances with him?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 December 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 26 December 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I thought a shy friend of mine liked me, and i think I am starting to develop feelings for him too, but i think I ruined my chance to form a relationship with him.

The only reason why i think he likes me is because of our mutual friend's teasing.

They've asked me multiple times whether or not I would ever go out with him, to which I said "I don't know", which they perceived as no.

They've also made references about me being "his girl/beau" quite a few times too. I pretended like I didn't hear it because I was a little embarrassed myself, and didn't know how else to react.

I've asked them why they kept bringing it up, because I suspected something was up, but they only replied that they were teasing or just curious.

The group of us went out to an amusement park recently, and I've noticed that he was acting fairly distant with me. He sat with everyone on the rides except for me.

He maintained a distance from me during the whole day. We carpooled with a few other people, but he would just look out the window and not in my direction.

I'm now thinking that my original suspicion was right: my friends were just messing with me, and that he doesn't like me. But now i think i like him, and don't know where to go from here.

What do i do?

View related questions: shy, teasing

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A male reader, M Proops United Kingdom +, writes (26 December 2013):

I think we had an almost identical letter like this last week.The only way you'll find out for sure where you stand is to strike up a conversation with him.Try and find out what you have in common from your friends maybe,music,hobbies etc.It's always difficult for a shy person to make the first move.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (26 December 2013):

janniepeg agony auntYou think that saying "you don't know" means you ruined it? If so, he's relying too much on his friends' assistance and thought that without a resounding yes it was a gentle let down. If a guy is interested in you he has to ask you out himself. Doing it through friends is wimpy and shows that he doesn't handle rejection well. Maybe he didn't do that and just expressed he likes you a little but wasn't sure if he should make a move. His friends got too helpful and nosy. He didn't like being put on the spot and got embarrassed.

No one ruined anything here but he made it awkward that day. He didn't even try to know about you and felt defeated before he could confirm that you don't like him.

I would say he likes you. Otherwise the feeling would be indifference. He doesn't know you well to have anything to dislike about you.

If I were you I would not do anything. He's not in grade school anymore. He needs to man up and learn that rejection is a part of life. If he's too emotionally fragile he wouldn't be able to handle relationship's ups and downs.

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