A
female
age
36-40,
*at_21
writes:Hello I haven't been on this site in a long time but I need some advice.I have been seeing this guy for about 7 years off and on. He doesn't even consider me his girlfriend bc he says I don't do anything a girlfriend does. I spend the nite when I can and hang out when I have time. I work and my hours are super early in the morning and then late at nite so on my days off I'm tired and just want some alone time. He refuses to add me on Facebook and he even went as far as to block me from seeing anything that he does on there. Now I'm not one to complain about the Facebook page but he is always on there looking at everyone's posts and yes I have asked him why he blocked me on there and he never has an answer. When I try to ask him anything about even trying to have a real relationship he just shuts down and doesn't even want to talk about anything. It's to the point where we couldn't care less about each other yet we still get together to hang out. This guy confuses me and I try and talk to him and it just ends up in fights. I'm at a loss here. It's easy to say leave him in the past and move on and believe me I have but for some reason we always get back together. I need some advice on how to talk to him anymore. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Kat_21 +, writes (9 May 2015):
Kat_21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the advice.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 April 2015):
 He wants you around for sex and company, but he isn't WILLING to give you anything else. After 7 years I would have thought that would be CLEAR as a bell to you.
Not only that, but he is putting the "blame" on you. YOU don't act like a GF so he doesn't WANT you as a GF...
I know this may be pointless to say, but I'd end it and find someone who DOES WANT to BE with you. Who can understand that your job is important, but so is a little "me-time". STAYING in this "whatever it is" WILL NOT change his mind. You have sucked this up for 7 YEARS, HE is happy with status quo. No matter how much you care or love him, HE will not change.
This guy could care less if you tomorrow told him, OK we are done. But he WOULD reach out to you and try and reel you back in, because HE WAS getting something out of this. So are you, JUST not what you wanted from him.
As for the Facebook thing? He just wants full control and show you how little you actually mean to him.
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A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (24 April 2015):
Hi Kat, I know exactly what you mean and how you feel as I’m going through the same thing for the past 3 years. The confusion gets the best of you and you feel angry and unfairly treated. It’s not easy to leave as well because you're stuck and it feels like a toxic bond that you're unable to exit from. Your guy seems to be attached to you for sure but at the same time does not want to step into a relationship with u and he’s keeping his options open with others. what I recommend is that u try to stop seeing him as hard as it sounds cause why would he give u commitment if he’s getting it anyways without a relationship and he’s surely taking advantage of ur kindness and the fact that you always get back together after a fight and u accept the fact whatsoever. As for FaceBook, my guy did the same to me, so I guess he blocked you so that you don't see who is he adding or liking or interacting with in order to avoid a fight . Please be careful, this is a toxic bond, not even a relationship, you really don't want to wake up one day and realize he met someone and is in a relationship with her. That will devastate you dear. Be strong and start seeing him less.
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