A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend and will see her in 15 days. After 6 months we'll have to be long distance for 3 months again.This time, we're long distance for 1 month.I'm having an issue because it doesn't seem like she does her best to text me and she doesn't text me as much as I would expect.. In real she's the best girlfriend though..Today I'm upset because she's sick and I wish I could take care of her but I cannot.. Her mother is taking care of her, which is good.And we were talking and got to the point where it got clear that she does a lot of effort to talk with her parents (she talked until 5AM last night with them!). And for me, whenever it's 10PM she's already saying she's too tired to text. So she said yeah if you were here I would give attention to you, but you're not so it's different. -- does that mean I don't mean much to her when in long distance? I keep texting her a lot and I keep my time free so I can skype with her, and then suddenly she has appointments with friends..We can only skype during the mornings because her dad doesn't want her to skype with me. And often she has appointments with friends at that time. She won't see them for 6 months when she comes back, it's true, but I still think I deserve attention as a boyfriend. We cannot even skype or text during weekend because her dad is always there then.It's hard, but I'm doing my best because she's totally worth it, but I think she's bringing our relationship down by acting like this..This makes me feel so depressed..... because for me she's the one, but we need to keep on for 1,5 more years with on and off long distance and afterwards we can move in together.. I've lived together with her for 6 months in the past.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): (I'm the question asker :) )
Thanks for all the answers!!
So we kind of had a fight about this today. She didn't text me for hours, with the reason being she was also upset about something I said apparently (didn't mean to make her upset at all though, well I can't be perfect.). It's my fault for today. She was still pretty upset after the fight, even though we both said everything was sorted out (she a bit later than me though). She was kind of mad because it's not the first time we had an argument about this, it's like the third time.. She does do quite a lot for me, but she keeps it as a surprise for until I see her again. Wow.. I'm stupid sometimes haha.. She's kind of sick today so that's why she's also in a bad mood, she said tomorrow she'll be less upset and we should be fine again :).
We sorted everything out during the fight. Apparently she does do her best, but she always really just has something she can't control keeping herself from doing it (she explained everything) :D.
I think the way she explains herself sometimes makes us argue, because she gives ambiguous sentences which are so confusing. Instead of just saying, I should ask her before.
I really need to trust her more, it's always my mistake for arguing about this(but also partly hers). She always has the craziest of explanations why she couldn't do something for me, but they're actually pretty true, so.. lol
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About running my own life: it seems as though it's really easy for her to do this. For me it is really really hard. I try my best but wow.. Sometimes I cannot keep focus on my work because I have to think of her. With the timezones, I often wake up without a message from her, which keeps me thinking about her until I finally get that first message of the day.
I do of course see my friends, but after graduation, most of them are unfortunately too busy to hang out, so I'm usually alone at home working on the PC, which makes it harder because I'm not really busy. Once university starts again, it'll be easier I think!
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@anonymous: "what really begs the quesiton is why you think you deserve more attention then her friends when shes been with you for six months??"
== She always said she doesn't care of her friends as much as me, although when she went on a trip with her best friend, she would almost never text or skype me because her best friend got mad because of it. We argued about this too at the time, but it seems like you're right. I never had the luck of having a best friend for so long so it's pretty hard for me to imagine.. If I'm with my best friend he can skype or chat with his girlfriend, I'd even like him to do it!
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 Long-distance relationships are definitely difficult, so I think it's natural that you're feeling down because you're so far away from the person that you care about. It can be especially difficult when you feel like the other person isn't making as much of an effort to stay connected.
I think, though, that it sounds as though you've become very focused on her to the point where it doesn't sound as though you've spent very much time living your own life. I understand that you care very deeply about her, but having a partner/girlfriend/spouse isn't the same as having a life. A girlfriend is suppose to be someone in your life, not someone who IS your life. In other words, you still have to live your own life, see your friends, spend time with all the other people you care about because, while it's important to try to stay in contact with your girlfriend, you also have to find a balance between staying in contact through the virtual world and living your life in the real world.
My feeling is that you should take some time to do the things you enjoy that don't involve your girlfriend. Hang out with your friends and family, go out and enjoy yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): there are several key points in this post that flags up for me. First and foremost, take a step back. rather then thinking about yourself always, think about the fact that she has a life where she lives and she cant just simply drop whatever she is doing so she can talk to you, regardless of the fact shes your girlfriend. just because shes said she is tired of texting you, doesnt mean she cares any less for you. from experience, I have really learnt that too much of a good thing is bad, and if you are constantly asking her to talk all the time you will run of things to talk to, and you may end up pushing her away if you get too needy and clingy.what really begs the quesiton is why you think you deserve more attention then her friends when shes been with you for six months?? think about how much her friends missed her when she was with you. i bet it was a lot. Do not let her daily schedule run your own. Also, Why does her dad not want her to talk to you, and where does she live ?IF she is the one like you say she is, you need to have faith in her and trust whatver she does, because as soon as you fail with that then your relationship is dead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): Sorry, but I think you already know the answer to your question. I mean you are doing all the work in the relationships, which means you are more committed to making it work. Relationships require 50/50. Any less and you are bound to get hurt. I would start by blowing cold and see if she will come to you (See rubber band man). If she doesn't you know your answer. I'm sorry. I've been there. You put in so much work only to get dumped for another guy. She doesn't care to talk to you as much as she should, which means her feelings are not as strong as yours are for her. I'm only saying this because I have been there and wish I'd accepted it sooner than hearing it from my bf.You confidence will slip and when she decides to end things, trusting another female with your heart will be unimaginably difficult.I suggest joining an online dating community, just to read some nice messages from females near you and to make yourself aware of all the girls out there who would like to date you and spend lots of time with you.Good luck!
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