A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently discovered on my boyfriends computer history that he has been watching shemale porn. To be honest I'm very disturbed by it , it had like ladyboy asain boys and guys with girls too but the girls wore strap ons. He had other porn like teen and lesbians as well . I confronted him about this and he just said he wanted to watch it because of the freakshow element to it. I can understand maybe peeking at something but he didn't just look once according to the computer history it was alot. I asked if he was bi and he said no . Do you think he is lying ? Is this normal. I also find it bizzar that he used a dildo before we dated he ended up putting it in the trash when I found it but I never asked him too. He also hates gay people and says really homophobic stuff, like they shoulf all die yet his ex girlfriend was bi so what the heck ??? It makes me mad I find it hipocritical. Do you think he may be secretly attracted to men ? Is this normal ? Thanks for any advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 November 2014):
 I do not think watching gay porn or shemale porn or liking anal stimulation makes a guy gay or bi.
I know lots of very straight guys who like anal penetration.
Personally I think men that are open to it are just more in touch with their sexuality than those that won't even consider or try it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 November 2014):
 People who are bi-curious also watch it, as Honeypie says.In this guy's case, I believe she is right. In other cases, porn addicts watch it because they're looking for more edgy stimulation and they've become too desensitized to conventional porn
Your boyfriend is bi or gay. Most of the time, all of this gay hatred coupled with these porn habits are a pretty compelling argument. I'm reminded of Ted Haggard, who was a huge megachurch pastor who had a major platform of anti-gay and anti same-sex marriage by day, and smoking meth and sleeping with male prostitutes by night. One of the escorts saw him on TV lobbying to strike down a same-sex amendment and outted him, causing him to lose everything.
I think your boyfriend's attraction to men is pretty evident, and if it's a secret, it's the worst kept secret I've ever heard of. You have some choices to make.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2014):
 I don't know who exactly watches She-male porn and why. I think there is a lot of area of porn that doesn't cater to JUST one type of audience.
I DO think that MEN who watches She-male porn are bi-curious at least, but perhaps not so curious as to try it out in reality. I think this because you have basically MEN with make up and breast implants perform "gay sex". They "act" like men but some sort of look like women.
Does it mean he wants to try be with another man? or with a guy who looks a lot like a female, but isn't one (yet) ? Not necessarily.
Fantasy and sexual "fascination" ,fetish, kinks doesn't ALWAYS mean you want to DO what you find a turn on.
When it comes to your BF though, I DO think he is ashamed of the fact that it's a turn on. And I DO think he has chosen she-male porn over gay pron, because of the "illusion" that some of the guys LOOK like females. It somehow makes it "less" gay in your BF's eyes.
However, WHATEVER porn he looks at, is that really any of your business? As long as it's not with animals, kids or anything else that can't consent?
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 November 2014):
 I guarantee you he has a low self esteem and confidence. Beware.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (1 November 2014):
I guarantee you he has a low self esteem and confidence. Beware.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): It sounds like HE is ashamed of his sexuality.
But that's not really your problem.
What you should ask yourself is how are things in the bedroom and emotionally. If all is well then let him watch whatever takes his fancy without you psychoanalysing it.
Only if you feel that he's not attracted to you should you ask yourself whether you are his type.
Other than that, live and let live.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 No no no. What you watch to masturbate/your fantasies are NOT identical with what you want in real life. Maybe he is bi or straight or whatever, but how does that matter??? Hes with you, faithful, so why so scared if what he likes to IMAGINE? Its not his reality. Hes normal. You, however, have a very strong reaction to this that I wonder where comes from. Why would it be so terrible if it turned out he was bi? How does it matter?? But no, his porn is NO indication of his sexual preference. Relax. Hes totally normal. Quit shaming him.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (31 October 2014):
It is likely just fantasy. There are some hot trans pre-op women out there (in other words, with penises, she-male is actually an offensive term). I do, however, doubt he was watching it "for the freakshow aspect.
My husband enjoys watching it. We are very open with one another, and he knows it doesn't bother me.
Your boyfriend may well have bisexual tendencies and be ashamed of it. This is the case for many homophobic men. Personally I could never date a homophobic guy, I'd much rather have a man who is secure in his own sexuality. Isn't that a turnoff?
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