A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am writing this a day after getting married. We had a really special day and we retired to our room about 1am. My wife looked amazing and I couldn't wait to consumate the marriage. Unfortunately despite my advances she simply was not interested and went to sleep. Even in the morning we didn't have sex. I couldn't hide my disappointment and said a few things I shouldn't.She said she was just tired and we had our 1 year old daughter in the room. She was fast asleep and we could easily have been quiet.Am I overreacting?. I was tired too but being a bit of a tradionalist I thought the wedding night was the one night you should make an effort and be in the mood for a bit of passion?The fact that she wasn't has hurt me. We do not have sex very often anyway (2/3 times a month) so I guess this built up the anticipation all the more for the big day.I will remember the day for all the right reasons but the night for all the wrong reasons. I would appreciate advice and comments. Was I just expecting too much and am I being unfair on my wife?
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male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (21 July 2009):
You are very justified to feel disappointed, just as your wife was probably justified in feeling too tired.People see things differently. You saw it as a requirement of your wedding night while she didn't. It is probably a mix of her being tired and just simple difference of opinion.Unless she is still avoiding sex you are better to look forward to your marriage and try and not ponder of what didn't happen on your wedding night.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): you are not being unrealistic. there was an expectation and consumating the marriage on the night or even in the morning is the norm.
however, no use moping around. tell her your disappointment and then start making whoopie. don't let this frustration fester, address it LOVINGLY, TACTFULLY and be kind about it. and work on the communication . remember it has to be both ways. she too will have to make adjustments. turn the anger into something jovial- in time you will be able to laugh about not getting any action on the wedding night. it will make a good story.
good luck aand take care. welcome to the rest of your life with the woman you love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I understand your disappointment my husband did not show any interest in me on our wedding night and I had a white basque, suspenders the full works on underneath my lovely dress - and still nothing. We were both tired and I had face-ache from posing into the camera and talking non-stop all day but it should still be special if you can make it so these other things should have been trivial and passion should kick in. It still bugs me now 15 years later so I doubt you will forget. All I would say is that it was BOTH your responsibilities to at the minimum set the right scene for the wedding night if it was so important to you - and clearly the environment was very wrong for a night of passion. You need to plan something - weekend away somewhere romantic - to make up for it.
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Given that it was 1am with a baby and completely exhausted I'd be surprised if you did have sex and just because she wasn't interested the next morning doesb't surprise me given the exhaustion of the previous day. if you keep pushing it you may stuff up your future sex life on the unrealistic expectation of your wedding night.
Look at it this way. Lets say she let you have sex with her while she was totally stuffed and wasn't able to respond sufficiently to keep you happy you would then be writing to us complaining that you have just married someone who falls asleep when you sleep with her...thats a problem we certainly couldn't help you with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Ive actually heard a lot of couples on their wedding night not having sex so its not actually tradition.i want to myself but might not as i would of have had a tiring and stressful day.besides theres always the honeymoon which is where all the fun is...anyway your child was in the room so i think it would of been a bit disturbing and wrong anyway as she could easily of woken up and seen you. also i do understand why you are upset but dont go getting mad at your wife when she was tired.have fun on your honeymoon and im sure she`ll make it up to you then!
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (20 July 2009):
 I think you should have hired a baby-sitter for the all important wedding night and she should've made the effort. What's done is done. Back up and re-group. It was not the typical wedding night you invisioned, otherwise you would've been ALONE. I'm sure she'll make it up to you if you let this thing blow over.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 If you're really a traditionalist, you wouldn't have had a baby before getting married. Sorry, just a little semantics there.
Yes, I'm sure it was very disappointing. You're blowing this all out of proportion though, I think. Weddings are exhausting. Looking after one year olds is exhausting. If the reason you got married was to have one night of guaranteed sex, mmm, well, I think you have more problems than just this.
Perhaps you should look forward to the honeymoon? I presume you've made arrangements so you two are all on your own in the evenings, without a child sleeping in the room?
Congratulations on your wedding, and I wish you a lifetime filled with compassion, love, understanding, patience, great communication, even better listening skills and humor. Might as well start practicing now.
P.S. The makeup love-making might just be amazing. Hold out some hope and don't let your anger grow out of proportion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I think your expectations were reasonable but was your child really IN the room? Because I know I would never have sex with my child in the room at that age. The wedding night is supposed to be that special night though. Did you tell her all of how you feel? Maybe you could plan a night and it could be the second wedding night, by title. And you can get a sitter for the girl (Which i think you should've done for last night) and tell her what your intentions are ahead of time. Let her know that you're not jjust being horny, but you want to make love and share that experience with her as your wife.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Yes, you're being very unfair with your wife! She would have been through a lot that day, more than you think so its no wonder that she's tired! And your daughter was in the room! That's abit sick in the head, so she may have felt uncomfortable with that idea! The sex on the wedding night is over rated, if anything its just a bonus! You should apologise for being unsensitive!
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A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Your disappointment is certainly understandable. When you think of marriage, you think about the joys of the bedroom on the night of the wedding. That is definitely natural.
However, age and circumstances can sometimes lead to a lack of sexual interest for one partner. It sounds like your wife just couldn't get past the issue of having a daughter in the room (which is understandable). Even if you were quiet, maybe she just couldn't get totally in the mood with the kid there, ya know? Also, if she's in her late 30s or early 40s, she might just not be in the mood at times.
Try to get past this and make some explosive sexual nights in the months to come to help you forget about that night.
Best of luck. xo
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (19 July 2009):
 I don't think you're being unfair or expected too much to have wanted to be intimate, I mean that's what you normally do on a wedding night. But sometimes, some people just don't do it, maybe she really is tired from the stress of having to plan a wedding, among other things, etc. However, instead of trying to do the actual "sex act" right now (even though you want to :), try a different approach. Like give her a massage (ask her to give you one too), have a sweet dinner together (doesn't have to be too fancy), light some candles in your bedroom & just cuddle up together & talk, or watch a movie. You know do things like that. There are other ways to be intimate without actual penetration, so try something else right now. And also I do think that you should talk to your wife & let her know how you feel, cause you don't want to get frustrated & end lashing out, which wouldn't help. So sit her down & calmly telling how you feel & don't forget to ask her how she feels :) Hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Well I have to say that you saying you are a "bit of a trdaitionalist" then why doi you have a 1 year old child before you are married? lol
why would you have your child with you in the marriage suite? don't you have a relative that would look after your daughter on your wedding night? Either of you? WTF?
But yes I could see why you may be a little upset. But in reality, if your child was there, what did you expect?
There's enough blame to go around, so why don't you make it up this weekend
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