A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’m 32 and in a relationship for 5 years the first 4 years were good then our sex life became non existent I asked my partner what was going on if he was depressed or stressed about anything he said no then one day I heard him watching porn while he was supposed to be having a bath i walked in and asked what he was doing and he admitted it since then we have had sex 2 or 3 times that was 11 months ago my question is is it normal for our sex life to be like this after only 5 years I’ve asked him if he’s seeing someone else or if he’s just bored with the relationship all to which he says he’s happy and he’s not bored what else could be causing him to not want sex with me I look after myself always wear make up and make sure my hairs done nice and always try to dress nice I don’t know what else to do cos I don’t feel like he finds me attractive anymore any advice greatly appreciated
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depressed, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2018): Have you told him that YOU want to have sex with him?
What does he say?
Sounds like a bad situation.
I do want to say that I masturbate to porn but still have sex once a week with my wife. It's different! (Sex with her is better, but she doesn't want it more frequently.)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2018): Hangon? So men do use porn because something’s missing in a relationship ? I personally agree with this . However I see over and over again people claiming this is not true and all men watch porn even when satisfied . This is why so many women get confused and conflicted over this porn issue . On the one hand we are told it’s no reflection the relationship and us and on the other we are told it is a reflection that’s somethings missing and we need to find out what or ‘spice it up ‘
Personally I’d say to him ‘
Look I’ve tried talking to you several times about this and I’d like to give this one more shot to have an open discussion. If that doesn’t work, honestly , just walk for your own sanity
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2018): Something changed at the four year point and he is not admitting what it is. If you had a healthy sex life and it stopped there MUST have been a reason. Look back, did the sex start getting less and less over a period of time or did it just suddenly stop? He is clearly looking at porn for stimulation so again there is something missing. People can stop having sex or have it less and it be because both are not that bothered about it or of course illness can cause problems but most couples have sex at least sometimes if these are not reasons. I would be seriously questioning him as to why he has stopped because to go from normal to nothing with no explanation would not be something i could let drop.Before meeting me my boyfriend admits he watched porn and masturbated a lot as a release but he says he doesn't watch it at all now as he has no reason to and i believe him because our sex life is good, if he was watching that frequently i doubt it would be. Don't blame yourself here, you have asked and are trying to get to the bottom of this, he has to be honest with you here because you are too young to stay with someone who is not being honest to you
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 December 2018):
 Healthy males should be able to have sex with their wives at least once a week up until their 60's. That's males who don't watch porn. Porn programmed your boyfriend's brain to seek variety, which means if he watched the same porn actress, same video over and over he would not be aroused by it after just one time. There's nothing wrong in his opinion. He's content having sex with his hand but having a companion at home. You deserve so much more than this. I think he is very lame to say there is nothing wrong with the relationship but not asking if you are upset. It's as if your feelings don't matter at all.
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