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female
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anonymous
writes:OK, I just want your opinions on this one and what you'd do if you were in the same situation...I've been eith my bf for about 18 months now, i love him so much! We live together but for the past 7-8 months we have no passion or sexual contact what so ever. He won't kiss me passionatly, he won't go near me when i come on him or anything, he says he has just lost his sex drive and doesn't feel about sex but he still loves me the same he just doesn't know whats wrong with him.We have sat down and talked about it on numerous occasions and he has also been do the doctor, she said it could be stress or his sex drive may have just 'lowered' they just gave him viagras, but his problem wasn't the fact he couldnt get arroused it was the fact he just didnt feel like it!I am younger than him about 15 years to be exact. I have a higher sex drive than him and still find him to be beautiful in my eyes, but i am so frustrtaed now i am considering cheating on him, not starting a relayionship with someone else but having a one night stand. I have cheated on him before and he knows about this, it was a stupid kiss thats all, but cheating is cheating no matter what it is,do you think doing this is wrong? do you think i'm being selfish, we have talked and been to the doctors and he wont go for counsillling, i think we are at our last end? do you? thanks you for your comments
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): Do you think it's wrong that you are considering cheating on him, er, YES?
I believe you when you say you love this guy, but I don't think you have really given the right and only solution to this any proper consideration.
As far as I can see the choice you have to make here is to end the relationship. You've tried all other options, you've been to the doctors, etc. The option is not then to cheat on him, but to show him respect, and love, and to tell him you need sex in your life to be happy and therefore you must break up. I have no doubt you can remain good friends and you can find someone else like you. If you cheat on him - you'll break his heart, never have a friendship with him and you'll both endure months of feeling utterly horrible.
I'd also like to ask, how sure are you that he actually fancies you? it sounds to me that perhaps he doesn't. I do think he loves you - but it's not a romantic physical love - it's a deep friendship love.
Please, do not cheat on this guy. Act in a way that you would like others to treat you. It's the best way to live life.
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female
reader, carrotcake +, writes (18 September 2006):
I sympathise with you ; and I understand totally where you're coming from since I too found myself in exactly the same situation with my ex. Its very confusing when he tells you he loves you but feels no desire for you . Whatever you do try not to take it personally and dont let it effect your self esteem. Having a one night stand might make you feel better for a short while since this would confirm that there is nothing "wrong" with you and that you are still desirable and attractive to the opposite sex however I would not suggest it as it will just make matters worse in the long run. In my case I decided to end my relationship ; I was not happy and very frustrated ; but ultimately its your decision as to how long you are prepared to ride it out . Sometimes stress and work problem effect a man's libido ; so this could very well be the case; you have to look at the whole picture and evaluate the relationship and weigh the pros and cons of staying or leaving. Its not easy to leave someone you love but you have to love yourself first and its difficult to be with someone when you feel so unwanted and your need for affection and intimacy takes center stage and effects all the aspects of your time together . However if the positives outweigh the negatives ; think twice before you take the plunge ; Good luck .
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 I have never actually had this problem but I did want to tell you that having a one night stand is the last thing you need to do. I think you should seperate for awhile and this will wake him up and I bet then his sex drive will come back. As long as a person is content with theier situation they won't do anything to change it. When they are not longer content is when a change is made. You have to force a change but cheating will only cause more damage than good in this case. Don't let your lust override your rational thinking. Good Luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): spice it up, you need to light p the flame that lit before when he was interested, re-vitalise the passion :)
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