A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband seems quite disinterested in sex with me. When I say that, I mean that he seems pretty unexcited by me even though we have regular sex . I try spicing it up with lingerie and new ideas . I've tried everything but despite the fact we hAce sex he seems quite bored of me to be honest . For example if I come out in new lingerie he will barely react it a new move causes little differnece to the same routine On the other hand if he is watching other women in potn , he is suddenly way more enthusiastic and obciously turned onIt's very hard for me not to see that he is clearly more attracted to other younver women. No matter how much I try it how much effort I put in , it seems clear I will never be as attractive to him as them It is becoming harder and harder for me to accept this and not feel hurt . It's not that I don't expect him to find any other woman attractive . It's just that EVERY other woman seems more attractive to himIs it even possible for a man to be more attracted to his wife of twenty years than porn stars ?I have found myself mentally planning a divorce as a life of being unwanted seems worse than being alone
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2015): Of course it's possible to be as atracted toa wife of 20+ years as much as oter women..especialy if the wife has more to offer than all the others put together. Wives can be much better partners in bed than the unatainable "other women" he needs to understand that Even the dating sites will look at his profile and go, "AS IF!" we men don't realize that we befcome used goods as time goes by and keep thinking we're even able to "shop around" The reality is we are NOT attractive to those other women. We just wish we were. Upon realization that the world has turned and we haven't that evolves and it scares the poop outa us. He'll soon realize that you are his partner in this game of life. We all lose to life and youth.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 I assume everything else is good in the marriage and you don't argue about anything else. Stopping his porn use is half of the problem. Men and women are not so different from each other when it comes to sexual attraction. I bet you were not as attracted to him as in his 20's. Men are more visual than women? That's bull. The difference is the wiring in his brain and the pathways responsible for his erection. He has trained himself through porn that he needs bigger better excitement in order to get an erection. You may be attractive to other men because you are new to them. Novelty is one of the factors for sexual arousal. What you perceived as his boredom may actually be an effort to keep his erection. It's more about his physiology than you here.
In relationship dynamics there are pursuers and distancers. The more you pursue the more he distances. He will only look at your effort as being desperate and pressure for him to perform. You have to think counterintuitively. If he acts disinterested, then you should not be interested in him.
If you have been with him for more than 10 years you owe it to yourselves to find a solution to this. Stick with each other through thick or thin, youth and mid life crisis. Your point here is not to ban him from looking at others but to strengthen your marriage. He could be looking at porn to sharpen his tool, for maintenance check but it doesn't help when he's trained to only get hard for other women, and not you. A purging of porn and a period of abstinence is needed for his brain to "clear history" and to get an update.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 0P: Hubby has tipped his hand that he's an unmitigated looker.... (at OTHER women).
Does he know that this is disheartening to you? If "No," then you can (must) tell him... and THAT you must tell him that it (his behaviour) is NOT acceptable.... and that it must stop...
(AND, you have to mean that!!!!).
The conversation might go like this:
You: "Hunchy-Bunchy, you know I love you without conditions. AND, I bet you know that I know that you view other women with what I perceive as more desirous/leechy thoughts and expressions. THAT's NOT OK with me. I want to be Number One in your life and my life. Do you understand me?"
Him: "Uh, I guess so."
You: "Good. Then it's settled. YOU will discontinue eyeing all the OTHER women on the planet. I will resume being the ONLY woman for whom you lust.... and life can go on."
Him: "I agreed to that?"
You: "Yep.... because, if you didn't, you're going to have to find a new address tomorrow."
Easy, no?
Good luck....
P.S. Don't torment yourself... Ooodles of guys travel this route... and the odds are that any one of them is not likely to understand the impact of what they are doing. You need to tend to YOURSELF, only.... AND, don't grovel and compromise on this...
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