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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He is 16 years older than I am. I love him dearly but im really depressed about our relationship. He has never slept with me and hasn't kissed me in over a year. He says he is happy the way things are. Obviously I am not. I don't know what to do any more. I can't leave him, I love him too much. I need him. Help me. I'm really depressed. He wont talk to me any more.
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female
reader, tatiana +, writes (22 September 2005):
He is 16 years older than you - so he is treating you like a child. In a healthy relationship not only you don't have sex for a year but you discuss issues, which he is not willing to do with you. What do you mean you can't leave him, that you need him? I hope it is because you are soooo in love, becase you don't sound happy. You need to get some help - counseling. If he is not willing to discuss his issues and try to resolve this problem - you should leave him. He'll run after you - and then demend a different treatment from him.
A
female
reader, DrLuve +, writes (21 September 2005):
Is it possible that your partner doesn't belive in sexaul relations before marriage? You mentioned that he is 16 years older than you, so depending on the actual ages of you both, he may feel intimidated in the bedroom, with you being much younger than him, or perhaps he has a medical problem he is too proud to admit to. I hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (21 September 2005):
 It sounds as though he may need counselling. If he wont talk to you, or respond to your initiation with intimacy maybe think about writing him a letter. Say that you love him so much and hate the thought of loosing him, but you are the type of person who needs affection and attention. (I dont know any girl that isnt!). I would hate to be in your situation and as me and my man have a bigger age gap than you guys- worry that this still might happen, but you have to open up the lines of communication again. I assume you have tried all the romantic dinners, lingere, massages etc. Good Luck! It sounds like you to are really supposed to be together so I hope it works out well.
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A
male
reader, Decentguy1  +, writes (20 September 2005):
Hi,
Well, if his age is over 40, perhaps he may have some Erectile issues that are causing him to refrain from lovemaking. For a man, that is a very difficult thing to deal with, and he may be afraid to bring it up with you.
First off, try not to be depressed. It is frustrating I'm sure, but there are some things you can do. You say he won't talk to you anymore, i gather you specifically mean
relating to this issue of sexuality. For a man not to sleep
with a woman in over 4 years, that reallyleads me to believe he has some erectile issues, and hence that would lead to his refusing to discuss it. Try to approach him about it. Ask him directly why he isn't willing to be intimate with you. If he resists, gently tell him that you
love him, and want to overcome this barrier. It is a major
issue, and needs to dealt as such. It may be that once he's
opened up, that's all it'll take...try it...good luck...
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