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Niece gave me BJ while sleeping

Tagged as: Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 November 2009) 19 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2010)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I went to visit my sister while i was driving thru calif. We had a BBQ and lots of drinks. Well around midnight i went to bed and passed out. About 3 am i was woken up to a really good blow job but the lights were off. I was thinking it was one of my sisters friend that i was hitting on. When she was done and i came, i turned on the light and was shocked to see my niece licking her lips. I have no idea what to do about this. Is this molestation? Did I break the law when I had no idea who it was? Do i tell my sister and risk family disgrace?

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A female reader, texas_gal United States +, writes (12 February 2010):

This is outrageous behavior on your niece's part! First of all, she took advantage of you with your defenses down, being both asleep and drunk. Secondly, it is incest. What accounts for her behavior? She may have been inappropriately sexualized, prematurely sexualized, and/or be mentally disturbed.

What is your relationship with your sister like? What are her family values? What is your niece's relationship with each of her parents? What is the family history? Has your niece had a stable adult male in her life? Or have there been men in and out of the household? Is there anyone in the family who would have professional or prior personal experience with such a problem? Maybe a doctor, nurse, social worker, teacher?

Silence may be read as either guilt and/or that you condone the behavior. Better that you bring it up rather than your niece. I wouldn't trust her motives. Maybe you could cassually talk to your sister about whether she has any concerns about your niece having any problems, what her social life is like, her mental health, etc. When you are ready to tell your sister, be sure she knows you are not accusing or revengeful, but that you are genuinely concerned for your niece's health and safety.

Maybe you should talk to a lawyer, too, just in case the tables get turned on you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010):

tell your sister about it explain it all verry will b4 u tell her who it was let her know u thought it was a friend of hers and had no idea it was your niece

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A male reader, yankit United States +, writes (18 November 2009):

Have you considered talking to the niece about it to see if she is mentally disterbed? I mean mopst females think you have to be crazy to give a BJ to start with.

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A male reader, duce00 United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

duce00 agony auntHe is an adult and she is a minor. The whole debate about him sleeping and being an innocent by stander in the incident could be made mute if she just decided to lie. No offense, but I would be more inclined to believe here if there were a court hearing.

Think about how plausible it would be to a judge for you to claim you were a little drunk and passed out and your niece came in and was servicing you Johnson without your conscious knowledge.

If she is unscrupulous enough to do this, do you really think there is any way you could reason with her or get the truth believed by anybody in the family let alone the law?

You just need to be quiet and stop going over there. You really don't have much else left as a choice as I see it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):

"Seadansr", I was not attacking you; I'm completely with you in that blokes will generally get the blame and not be believed.

In this case, it wasn't even consensual - he was asleep and out of it. Surely NO court could convict him of anything if he were believed?

Murderers have got off when they have medical proof that they did it whilst sleep-walking.

Ok, difficult to prove in this case, so best to keep quiet, despite the unfairness?

We are also up against our different laws here. In the UK, incest specifically applies to intercourse and that did not happen here.

What did happen was indecent assault - by the girl!

As she was underage, it would be sufficient to put her on the Sex Offenders' Register here, so another reason for silence - you wouldn't want to blight her life for something like that when so young, and as others have suggested, with other issues to that she might need treatment for.

So, I think we are on the same page here, and I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was against you - certainly not! Just different legislatures creating confusion.

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A male reader, Seadansr United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

To the anon. The reason i said face jail time is that in the US most adults that have any sex with a minor is considered a crime no matter if it is consentual or coerced. In calif the age of consent is 16. She is 15. Hence a crime. Being she is a niece that is incest. Hence a crime. And the final straw is females will lie about this and society tends to take the females side over the mans. Hence the person here is screwed and needs to stay away.

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A female reader, Another_Kapiti New Zealand +, writes (15 November 2009):

Another_Kapiti agony auntI'd be erring on the side of caution, tell your sister (or at the least another family member such as a parent) what happened and go by their advice, it might come across better if someone older tells the girl's parents what they need to know without any accusations of incest/molestation. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, hard to know the right way to go about it, I know you don't want to tell your sister, but obviously there is some underlying cause for concern in regards to your niece's well being.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):

"Seadansr", as the recipient was asleep, how on earth can he be at risk of prosecution? In the UK, the female is equally guilty anyway, if underage, so SHE risks prison as she was well aware of what she was doing - mounting an inappropriate sexual assault.

I'm not sure how it can be considered incest though, as no penetration took place.....

I do agree with the general concensus of keeping this to yourself, though, as in this cynical world of ours, nobody is likely to believe that you played no part in this and you could find yourself in deep trouble for something you didn't do: if in fact it is exactly as you said and were really in a drunken sleep?

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A male reader, duce00 United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

duce00 agony auntDon't ask

Don't tell

Stay very far away

You might not go to jail

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A female reader, Another_Kapiti New Zealand +, writes (15 November 2009):

Another_Kapiti agony auntYou don't mention how old your niece is? If she's young (13-16) I'd say the reason she's so promiscuous is because either someone introduced her to sex way too early!!!! Or she hasn't been set boundries in sexual relations! (no pun intended.) If she's older, 18+ I'm not really sure...again it might have something to do with abuse when she was younger, the right advice is extremely hard to give, if you don't tell anyone, hopefully it won't happen again and you can forget it, but at some point she might intimate that you initiated oral sex and you'd pretty much be outed as a sexual deviant by your family, I'd say it all depends on how close you are with your sister and how easily you can talk to her...Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):

Dont do anything. just keep sielent about the whole affair and keep away from your sisters parties. obviously your niece is a very loose girl.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):

You have at least a couple of issues to face here. First, that sort of behaviour on the part of your niece suggests that she's inappropriately sexualized, and as such may have been a victim of abuse.

Second, given the current attitude of courts in the U.S., you're probably going to jail if anyone finds out, regardless of whether it was entirely her idea.

The girl needs help. But unless you're entirely sure that your sister and her husband will believe that you had nothing to do with it, and will be receptive to the idea that the girl needs counselling, you might be smarter to simply save yourself and stay the hell away.

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A female reader, fishdish United States + , writes (15 November 2009):

fishdish agony auntI'm sorry this happened to you, not that you're necessarily traumatized, maybe shaken up, but it IS borderline rape, just considering your lack of consent. I would tell her mother and I would also recommend counseling.

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A female reader, ineedlotsofhelp United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

This is hilarious. Please don't be offended by me saying that, from an outside view this sounds like something that would be on television.

This is incest, and no this is not molestation. I honestly think your niece has some issues and I definately recommend counciling. You didn't do anything to contribute to this and you were disgusted when you found out so you are not in trouble for anything

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A male reader, Seadansr United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

She was 15. the best thing to do is avoid her at all costs. If that is not good then talk to her alone and ask her why she did this and does she realize that she risked you going to jail.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Since they edited the title they removed her age of 15. What do i do.

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A male reader, the_phoenic United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2009):

speak to your niece about what she has done in the right time

but dont ever tell any one else

and keep your mouth shut

becuase by telling people they might judge you for a sin you didnt make and they might judge your niece for a sin she is too young to understand..

good luck

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

DoubleM agony auntPossibly depends upon the girl's age if this is true, but in any case her behavior is certainly incest and disgraceful under any circumstances.

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A male reader, Garm United States +, writes (15 November 2009):

How old is the niece? What is your relationship with her like? How did you react? What was her response?

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