A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What can i do to make things right?Me and my partner both 23 got married 2 months ago after being together 2 years. We have a child that is nearly 10 months old.It seems our lives have switched, me being the party going, drinking and shopaholic have now turned into a working and full time mum, hardly doing the thingsi used to do.My husband is now always going out, working so much and sleeping due to the overload in work he is doing.we never seem to spend time together and when we do we fight.our latest rows are over him going out to much and after seeing pictures of him hanging round and flirting with a girl i just feel so insecure and left wondering what i should do.he is trying so hard to keep me happy and has agreed to stop flirting with other women and going out so much but this has left things 'icy' between us.Am i being controlling, becuase i always felt it was him that was that, i just feel like a single mum trying to do everything its been a hard year for me coming to terms with being a young mum and not being able to live how i used to. I just dont know how to make things work.I love him so much and i can see me and him together till we old and grey but he says he sees us together for 10 years so far... im always crying and hate for my son to see me this way.was we to young to get married? i have accepted my responsibilties as he?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 how long before you got married did you ignore poor behavior from him? this way of being and treatment is not an overnight development, it's slowly progressed for quite a while. many times the changes are so subtle it's hard to recognize them until change after change after change becomes a big mess.
He needs to realize he's married to you, not his social life, all though it's important it's not the nunmber one priority. He's not married to his work and earning money. most fights within the marriage have nothing to do with the marriage its self but life challenges that are brought into the marriage because of stress.
If I were you, without anger, ask him why did he merry you, if he's never around and paying attention to the marriage? If he says he loves you, ask him why he treates you poorly if he really loves you. A marriage is about realistic compromizes. It sounds as if you've done quite a bit, but he has not. It's OK for people to go out every once in a while in a marriage, but it's not Ok if their going out neglects their children or the person their married too.
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