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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Am I over reacting or is this a warning sign? My new boyfriend spanked my bum last night. At first it was just along to the rhythm of the music in the pub and it made me a little uncomfortable but I didn’t want to say anything while we were in the pub with his friends around. Later on when we were at his house he started doing it again and I told him to quit it and he said “what if I don’t” and that really creeped me out and I said if he didn’t I’d leave. He said he was sorry and stopped but then he did it again. I can’t remember what I said but I think I told him to stop in an angry tone and he did and said sorry a lot. I told him it was okay but I don’t feel like its okay. I feel upset and angry and don’t feel like I can trust him. He disrespected my body and touched it in a way I told him not to and that he said he wouldn’t. I’m not sure how much of my anger is appropriate for this situation and how much of it is past anger with men who haven’t listened when I’ve said no about touching my body in the past. I'm scared that this is just the first sign of a lack of respect for my boundaries. The relationship is very new and we haven’t been intimate together before and I haven’t told him about my past. I think it’s partly because I don’t want him to be extra sensitive towards me just because of what happened and I’d rather he just respect my boundaries simply because they’re my boundaries and he doesn’t have a right to cross them. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 January 2007):
 This is your body and your limits and if this makes you uncomfortable you must NOT put up with it. If he does it again then yes, blow him out because I think the chances are he will not listen. I think maybe this may be a habit he developed whilst with another GF before you and she didn't mind? It seems to be a strange habit, but hey, we probably all have them.
But you are completely right to put your foot down if you feel uncomfortable. It is your body and your right to chose what to do with it.
xx
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (1 January 2007):
 You have every right to be angry. The fact that he did that again, shows not respect and it a bit concerning.
Make sure he understands that it is NEVER to happen again.
If it does even joking, then let him go and spank somebody else. If someone does not respect you, they do not deserve your love.
xxx
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A
female
reader, Juliette +, writes (31 December 2006):
 I think your new boyfriend is being disrepectful to your requests and it is a bad sign that he is not taking you seriously. It is reasonable to get to know someone well before such advances are acceptable. It is a form of sexual harrassment and no matter how much it may seem trivial to some people, it is not trivial to you and anyone, especially a new boyfriend, should have the sense to find out how you feel first.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (31 December 2006):
 i agree with you that you have told him on a few accounts that it is not acceptable to do it so he shouldnt i think it shows a lack of respect for you. he shouldnt need to know youre past in order to obey a request or a demand from you. it is up to you but i feel ure unhappy with this relationship because he has a lack of respect for you. honestly ask youre self if you are happy and what youre heart tells you.. xxx
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