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I've never had a girlfriend!

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2004) 108 Answers - (Newest, 29 May 2012)
A , anonymous writes:

hi I am i first time writer but here goes nothing'

I am a sophomore In high school and I've never had a girlfriend, it's not that IM not liked its just IM not good with the ladies. It hurts me a lot to see other couples around my school and hearing all these people talk about what they did with there boyfriend/girlfriend over the weekend. I am a pretty popular student and I take good care of my body. I am a varsity football player and a track athlete and I have a 3.2 gap. So IM writing to say why am I so unlucky with the women?

please e-mail me back
Thanks,
K

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012):

my man dont feel bad about this at all. ive been the same as you for a long time. as soon as i stepped into the girl game i got my shoes all sticky cuz i didn do it right. when you feel like you wanna step up all i can say is do what you mean and mean what you do.none of this half ass stuff. if you like her then make her know it. kiss her on the first date. dont let her think you are her platonic friend. i don know how much i can stress that last one, believe me. and above all be real to yourself and her. best of luck champ

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A male reader, andy468 United Kingdom +, writes (20 May 2012):

hey, im the same as most people in this chat but in a worste condition,im 18 years old and never had a girlfriend or came close to having one and now im not in school anymore and working in a job that i never see girls.

I only also have two friends that never feel like going out, ive always been very shy and have never really communicated with girls since i was in primary school despite always wanting to and since then ive got nowhere,i thought leaving school would have made the situation better but now i never have oppertunities to meet girls that will speak to me, along with all these problems im only 5'8 in height and about 10 stone in weight, im stuck in my room all day every day except work days where i go to work, i dont have the confidence to go out as a loner and randomly start convos with people so i really do see where i will get myself a social life from,i also dont know what to talk about when im with girls because ive not been friends with one since i was about 9

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A male reader, 2nd man United States +, writes (7 April 2012):

2nd man agony aunti was close 2 getting a gf but didnt have the balls to ask her out, i knew she liked me but i had 0 balls .just ask her out. maintain a positive attitude and u will find 1. i havent had a gf and im 15, im just thinking about the positive s.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012):

Hey, don't worry man. Things will eventually come around your way. Like yourself, I've never had a girlfriend.But I figure since I'm still pretty young, I dont need one yet. I know everyone seems to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend these days, but just chill out. Everyone finds someone eventually.

I really liked a girl in my school for 5 years. I loved her more than anything. But like a lot of guys... I couldn't talk to her. I just got so skittish and nervous whenever I was around her. So I did the one thing guys should never do. I wrote her notes telling her my feelings towards her. Here's a tip for guys out there...

NEVER DO THAT!

I was stupid and had no confidence!

She read them though.

But she never talked about it. We still talked from time to time though. But It was never the same.

But finally, one great day... I finally managed to build up enough self-confidence to ask her out on a date. I put on some nice clothes, fixed up my hair, and practically ate a whole row of breath mints. It was noon-ish, about lunch time. I walked up to her locker to ask her, and just before I was about to ask...

another guy walked up and asked her out. She said yes. And that was it. She was gone. I was to late. Almost 5 years of my life, gone. It was over.

I loved her more than anyone could imagine. I still do. But I brought this on myself.

DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID! YOU WILL REGRET IT! IF YOU TRULY LOVE HER, TELL HER!

Ask her out on that date! Get her those flowers! Do what you think you can't!

Leave my story as a warning to what happens when you wait to long.

We all find someone eventually. If you found yours already, let her know.

I'm here for all of you guys. Just get out there, and do it.

-G

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012):

you should be thankful that your not fat i am 260lbs and i am 21 and i have never even came close to having a girl these comments does not make me fell any better i am sure by now most of you have gotten girl friends since u last visited this site i am wonder is there hope for me but one thing , i have Jesus in my life and g8 family so i am very happy besides not haveing a girl friend

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012):

i feel kinda depressed reading these posts and i can relate. i am a freshman in highschool and ive never had a gf. in may of last year i really liked this girl. we talked and people would always tell me we would be a perfect couple. she was picky with the guys though. this one guy liked her at the beggining of the year and we she found out she avioded him. well one day one of my friends told numerous people about my crush, even her friends. it was implied that she found out, even to this day i still dont know. after that episode she started talking to me a lot (SHE MADE IT OBVIOUS) .there was a week left of school and i planned to ask her out on the last day of school. we had 3rd period finals that day and she was in my class (PERFECT OPPORTUNITY). when the bell rang for dismissal i got really nervous. she stoped to talk to a teacher. i thought it was over caus she would be somewhere else. surpriseingly she caught up to me with a smile on her face. we had a short conversation then there was apause. when i was about to ask her my nest friend came in. by the time i told him to leave she was gone. i did not have her number so i couldnt contact her. its been 7 months since ive talked to her (NO CLASSES AND RARELY SEE HER IN THE HALLWAY). grow some balls and ask. please dont end up like me. that day has given me nightmares. fyi i am average lookin with 4.31 gpa

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):

you know man, i have that problem too.

i havn't had a girl before.

no kiss no relationship or anything.

i'm not shy, in fact, i always talk to girls.

i'm not ugly. Pretty normal good straight edge guy.

i'm 16 and a half, high school junior, 6 foot.

as you can see, i shouldn't have a problem. but the thing is that i'm not trying.and i see this problem in many people. just try asking and who cares if you dont know how to kiss. if they really truly like you, thy wont care. not only that though, theres many other things.

im going to try and get a girl for now on. but if not, whatever. we only stay kids for a little wile and should enjoy it all we can. plus, trying to impress a girl who doesnt like you is too expensive and a waste of time.

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A male reader, CGH0606 United States +, writes (17 February 2011):

I myself read this article as a 16 year old junior without a girlfriend or a kiss, I myself am a okay looking guy who lots of people like(even got voted as class clown in my grade) one of my problems was im scrawny 5` 8" 120lbs. The past few years i have been in football to try to get my weight up, gained thirty pounds in a year and to get a little muscle on my body. Now when i say scrawny i mean i look like im supposed to be in the eighth grade. I Actually have alot of girls that are friends with me but a never thought to ask. Intill a few days ago when i read this article online.

It pissed me off to think that I had been wasting my time on girls that didnt like me. So, i asked an alright looking girl who I had only talked to once and she went with it. Before I had a low self confidence in myself and never thought I could get a girl intill I tried.

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. Most of us are going to be out of high school and this may be your last chance for you and kyour crush to go out. Just go for it, if you are a senior it wont matter you may not see each other again. I spent two years on trying to get one girl to like me its not worth beating yourself up for it. I rejected a kind of fat looking girl who now is one of the hottest girls in the school. Sometimes you need to just say "Fuck it!" and get out there and ask out a girl. To hell with it, i dont care if you are the shyest person on earth just prepare asking a girl out in front of a mirror and then get a few of your friends to force you to do so you wont back down.

Push life to the limit found where your weaknesses are then destroy them. HOPE YOU GUYS GET THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS!

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A male reader, jomo1044 United States +, writes (19 January 2011):

im 17 and and 7 months old. and nobody ever believs me when i tell them iv never had a gf! it makes me so mad that all my close friends make out, hand job, blow job, sex, whatever, and i have never held a hand. i talk to girls in my grade with ease, its just that i have no intrest in asking them out. but there in 1 girl iv liked for 3 years now, and i cant bring myself to talk to her(more than a "hey" or simple comment). its just so hard for me because i care so much about what she thinks about me. iv tried several times to give up on her and try someone else, but i kno it will just result in the same issue.. . i definitly feel ur pain. i want nothing more than to just naturally talk and act around a girl iv liked. some of us just have to learn how to make ourselves presentable.

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A male reader, neverhadagirlfriend United States +, writes (2 November 2010):

well, i am 16 years old, never had a girlfriend and now i am growing some confidence and all of a sudden 4 days back almost all the girls in my neiborhood started flirting with and hitting on me and a few girls in my karate class and school and i am average 140 pounds, Male, Straight and also i have never kissed a girl except my mom almost all of us kissed our moms right, lol but yeah, i will be a virgin until i get married but all i want is a girl friend and my odds are pretty close but my parents might not let me so i should do some secret dating but all you need is confidence i'm serious break out of your shell it feels good, i'm so serious but watch out what kind of gf you get it might be a bad girl so watch out ok all right laters.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010):

Before asking girls on dates, you need some level of comfort and confidence in talking to girls. Otherwise, asking for dates will just be a downward spiral of rejection and defeat.

Start by practicing talking to girls whom you already know, such as your female relatives, friends, coworkers, or classmates. Talk to everybody: beautiful, ugly, married, single, young, old. You aren't going to ask them for a date, don't want anything from them, and have no agenda, so you aren't invested in the outcome of these conversations and there's no reason to be anxious. If worshipping girls from afar is a problem, then, for now, ignore those girls and don't try to talk to them.

Many of these conversations will be short or even pointless, which is OK because for girls, conversation is its own purpose, and you are doing them a favor by talking to them. Talk about future plans, what you did last weekend, movies, music, or hobbies. Whatever your natural impulse is in conversation, practice the opposite. For example, if you naturally interview others (asking questions, listening, but not volunteering much), then practice revealing some slightly personal information about yourself (don't reveal that you've had a secret crush on her for years). If you naturally talk a lot, then practice being genuinely curious about others. Ultimately, you want to have a back-and-forth conversation, with both people volunteering information, both asking questions with genuine curiosity, and both responding to what the other says. If this is too hard, then start with talking to a therapist or ask your doctor for some anti-anxiety medication.

Once you have some comfort within your own social circle, branch out to girls whose job it is to be nice to you, such as cashiers, waitresses, hostesses, or the Wal-Mart greeter. Start by looking them in the eye, smiling, and saying, "hello." Once you can do that, say one sentence to them and then move on. If you can't think of anything to say, think of one good quality about them that you can genuinely appreciate, such as "You are the fastest Twinkie scanner in this grocery store," or "your glasses are cool." Her joy is boring, so you are doing her a favor by talking to her.

Keeping expanding the number of girls you talk to, the places you meet them, and the time you spend talking to them. Many of these girls will act like they aren't much interested in talking to you. That's OK because you are just practicing and aren't much interested in talking to them, either, so just move on to the next one. When a girl is interested in talking to you, the difference will be dramatic and there will be no doubt in your mind because you have something to compare it to, i.e., the hundreds or thousands of girls who weren't interested in talking to you.

When you meet this girl who wants to talk to you, tell her you enjoyed talking to her, want to see her again, and ask her for her phone number. Call her; talk to her some more. By this time, you should know what interests you have in common. Ask her to do an activity in which you are both interested (e.g., go to a street fair, go roller blading). Congratulations, you just asked a girl for a date. There's no reason to be nervous because you aren't secretly in love with her, you've talked to many girls before her and will talk to many girls after her. After a date or two, you'll probably discover that the two of you aren't compatible. You politely break it off and move on, having learned something about yourself and girls in the process.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010):

You know what you guys need? Confidence. That's it! Really! I've had more girls in a year then probably all or most of you have had in your lifetime! Not trying to be mean but just grow some balls and walk right up there and ask a woman ot for gods sake!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010):

Alright I am a 17 year old boy who like many of you never had a girlfriend up until last year and would wonder what was wrong with me and how come all the jocks and players got the girls. Well in the past year I've had 4 girlfriends and here is why. First of all you are most likely too picky trying to find the perfect girl then once you do they don't feel the same about you. Don't do that start with a little less attractive girl and work your confidence up. The more expierience you have the more confidence which attracts girls. The reason players get the girls is their. Confidence. And absolutly never telll a girl you love her without dating her because chances are unless she feels the same way she will just be creeped out. And you don't have to be a player to be confident just be outgoing and ask them to hangout or go to lunch and be flirty and playful. I hope this helps!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010):

I feel your pain, i relate to you a lot man, i take care of my body, been going to the gym 3 years, good looking guy, but i just feel that my personality is so bad and that im weird, i was diagnosed with social anxiety in the past but im getting better. I feel like im going to be the 40 year old virgin. Fuck i just need to man up, but its so much harder then it sounds man. I feel your pain.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

I'm 14, I've never kissed a girl, and I've had one very awkward relationship that only lasted for a couple days. I'm just so shy. Whenever I talk to grls about anything other than relationships I'm fine but when they bring it up I'm suddenly an awkward guy no one wants to be around. I have no clue what to do or say!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010):

Im 17, and i have never had a girlfriend, a kiss, or anything remotely close to a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I'm not unattractive, ive had about 3 girls come up and ask me out and ive turned them down. This is mainly because i absolutely refuse to change myself and my views to "get laid". I have some pretty unconventional views about society, and frankly dont care much about what other people think of me. For example, im into politics, philosophy, and smoking cannabis.

My advice is to CHECK YOUR PREMISES!!! Why do you want a girlfriend? What is so great about having one? What are you willing to give up to get one? I took a look at my life and realized that getting laid is not a priority. And honestly ive never confided much in the female population in the first place. So my advice is to question why you want a girlfriend, be sure its not because its the "normal thing to want" or "the normal thing to do"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

Hi, I'm 16 and my story is pretty similar to everyone elses. I know how you all feel because I've never had a girlfriend. I am incredibly shy and introverted. I've never had a girlfriend because I am a coward.

The girls at my old school always emotionally tormented me to the point where I once nearly killed myself. They didn't try to stop me. They just laughed when I put the knife down. I've never felt loved since. And my trust in the female race has deteriorated from those exeriences. I can't even bring myself to talk to people in general, let alone girls.

My opinion is that some are born lucky, and some aren't. Saying you and me aren't lucky is an understatement.

I feel your pain and respect the fact that you've at least tried. On a final note, no girl has ever hugged me and neither have my parents. "you got to toughen up" thats what they tell me. I haven't even experienced somebodies embrace. How sad is that?

I hate everything.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

Wow this topic has a lot of posts...mostly kinda depressing, but glad to see I'm definitely not alone lol

I'm 18 never had a girlfriend etc. To be honest I'm not too worried about it and i don't think you should be either. Don't get me wrong I would love nothing more than to have a girlfriend right now but...I think ya gotta just go with the flow...I just haven't met a "compatible" girl yet (aka someone who likes me). No point in worrying about it I eventually will. All I'd say to you is if you haven't met anyone like that yet then expand your horizons, meet and talk to more people/girls. That could mean talking to new groups of people in school or maybe joining some kind of clubs for your hobbies etc. (obviously a unisex club or there won't be any girls there!) voluntary/charity work is always a good way to meet people...you can be sure that they are nice people that way too, just go out and do new things and you will eventually meet someone... hope this helped and good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010):

It's okay not to have a girlfriend if you don;t want one, but if you do, then you have to make an effort. I'm 38 and have never kissed a girl on the lips or had unpaid sex. I'm going to try to teach English overseas and start talking my butt off to women. You have to be proactive.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010):

Bro, you just have to be yourself. You need to actually start to love yourself in order to gain confidence in who you are. I don't mean that in a conceited way. When I say "love yourself" I mean you need to accept yourself for who you are, both your strong points and your flaws. A good way to start would be to write a list of things that you do well, that are positive attributes about yourself. It's so easy to be negative and self-destructive. Once you've come to accept yourself for who you are, you'll find that you will then have confidence. From this new found confidence, you will find that it's a lot easier to be yourself both around men and women. And when you are yourself around people, keep this in mind: "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

In short: Be confident in yourself. Girls like personality.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010):

First of All, im glad to see their are more like me out there. I too am 17, i moved out to Canada in 2008 from the UK which i do miss, believe it or not, my accent really didn't do me that much of a charm but it caught some attention.

I have never had a girlfriend and nothing really close to it, my best buddy got me to ask out a girl but she is always busy, starting to lose hope in her. Its not that im ugly, i go to the gym 4-5 times a week, weigh in at 160lbs and 5'9" but I just can't get those nerves to dissappear. just be yourself and try your best, i will keep trying too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010):

Hi. I'm now 17 years old and I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl.

I'm not an unnattractive guy nor am I unpopular but I find myself to be somewhat shy and untalkative around girls - I find it difficult to show them who I really am. I know that some girls like me as I have had a number of girls flirt with me in the past, some of whom were popular and very pretty. Sadly I've always been too nervous or too stupid to realise in time and they've ended up with someone much more confident and outgoing.

As I've gotten older I worry that girls mistake my quiet nature for unfriendliness, and, as many other people have written, this often ends up with me being the only guy in the group not to get a hug - or at best an awkward one second squeeze.

But I still think it's best to remain hopeful and try not to tie yourself in knots worrying. Although I've never asked a girl out in my life, or even had the courage to pay a physical compliment, I know when I find the right girl for me i'll be able to give her all the love I've been building up for my whole life!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010):

Hi, i am a sophomore in high school and dating is a huge thing there. I, like most of you, have never had a girlfriend and i honestly don't think i ever will. I only have one close friend that is in the same predicament as me. It seems as if every girl i meet either finds me a creep, just unattractive, or lacking in the confidence department. I have been called cute and attractive before, but i consider them lies, seeing as i have never even held hands with a girl. I know, almost for a fact, that i am destined to never be in a relationship and it hurts to not have anybody, but i am slowely and surely getting used to it. Maybe one day, if im lucky, my attraction to girls will just disappear. Thank you all for ur time, and if any of u are feeling down about this situation, please know that I share your curse and i am totally there for you......add me on facebook.my name is Deva Gordon from Hilo, Hawaii. thank u and good luck.....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010):

awe well dont worrie im 14 and iv have boy friends before iv just never kissed anybudy and i hate that cuz i feeel so emberassed cuz like everybody has and it sucksand im goinginto high school like... so ya i know how u feel

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010):

great now i feel alot better now i no thanks to them comments that i am never going to get a girlfreind jst be on me own for the rest of me life

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010):

Lol well arent we the positive group of guys hahaha..... But sadly im no exeption.(hope my little story make you guys feel a little better about your situations.

Anyways i had a major crush on the chick Amanda since the 6th grade. somehow i wandered in the "friend zone" during that year wondering everyday what i could due to make her like me as much as i liked her. But instead of my ridiculous plans working out i would see her making out with "jocks" and "players" never understanding why she liked mean, degenerate, assholes like them over me. Yet we remained "semi friends" up until a party in 9th grade that i wasn't invited to.

By then I was So crushed and sick of the stories I kept hearing about her getting drunk and sleeping with other guys over the weekend. I figured I would go to that party anyway and confess my love for her...Well i guess she was a little drunk and her friends dared her to kiss me to see what i would do (damn sluts)... Well she did, and the moment our lips seperated i proceded to spit out this short speech i prepared admitting i was deeply in love with her....

I didnt realize I was talking over the music and everyone in that room. The place was instanly filled with laughter. She then told me that it was just a joke and i wasnt her type trying to hold back her giggles. Didnt take long for that story to spread around school. And after just 2 days of endless jokes at my expense, i droped out to spare what little self esteme i had left.And I havent had the courage to ask a girl out since. Now Im 20, I have no friends, no job, no car, living with my parents, And the only time I get out is when I accompany my mom to the grocerey store...

I Still dont see why she didnt like me. In retrospect I realize i wasnt all that good looking (a scrawy 120 lbs, at 5'7 acne, long shagy hair that covered most of my face.) But nobody will ever lover her as much as i did. The guys she was with were just looking to get laid, they didnt realy give a shit about her.

Im sorry to say this story for the most part was pointless, I learned nothing from this lol. I saw these posts and thought i was a good place to vent and weep for some strangers on the internet. But you should remember It could always be worse.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

yeah you and i both dude. i have this mad crush on this girl named natalie regan. shes on Tesoros varsity cheer. she just broke up with her boyfriend tanner. shes perfect. shes nice, perfect body, perfect height. But i dont stand a chance with her. i have never had a girlfriend or a first kiss also. my friends are trying to hook me up with girls, but the thing is that i dont really know how to be a boyfriend and stuff. like i dont know what to say, i dont know how to kiss, and i really dont have the balls to ask out a girl. so im right there with you bud.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

I hear u bro, I'm fifteen and I'm a sophmore in high school. I have never had a girlfriend before and I've never been kissed by a girl either. Its not that I'm not good lookin or anything like that, its just I don't really know what to do or say. Most of my friends have had a girlfriend and they kinda leave me alone in the dark when they talk about the girls they've been with. I do have a crush on this girl (her name is Elida) and she has a boyfriend. I'm happy that she ain't alone but the guy she is with has an ex who he dumped after she lost a fight. I just don't think that he deserves her. Through my eys all he cares about is popularty. In fact all the previous guys she's been with have cheeted on her. I don't understand how she would be interested in such jerks. Anyway what I'm trying to say is that ur not alone, I know a lot of guys with the same situation. My advice would be to be confident and and eventualy you'll have a girl that appritiates u for who u are. I don't usally write this much, but I had to get this of my chest. Good luck bro..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010):

I am 15 and a half, and not only have I never had a girlfriend, but I've never been to a party either. I have no good friends, even though I'm very confident, funny, and smart. I once attempted to ask out a girl, but it didn't work out too well and I didn't technically ask her out. I have once been asked out, but I really didn't like the girl...

So no parties, no kisses, no good friends, no girlfriends... oh yeah, and the thing that makes it worst is that I go to a school that has more girls than guys... like a 3:1 ratio, so it's kinda sad when I don't have a girlfriend, or am aware of anyone interested in me.

I feel so alone...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010):

I am 18 and apart from two very short-lived "nothing" relationships more than 3 years ago, I have not had a girlfriend. I have been at a small school, which makes it difficult to meet new girls. I know the girls in my class too well for anything to ever happen.

I agree with some of the previous comments in terms of personality.. Despite the crude abandon with which many young people live their lives, for some people, such as myself, relationships and certain things - a first kiss or losing your virginity - are special, important things, which should not be wasted on anyone. I am naturally quite introvert, which I feel makes me a bit awkward when it comes to girls, but at least my attitude towards love - as a special, sacred thing - suits this.

And I believe that when love does come, it will be a complete, understanding, caring love that others, who might have had many more relationships, will never experience.

All the best people. :)

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A male reader, biblo2 United States +, writes (13 May 2010):

For all who are depressed. I can only say that you will have to change yourself for the better. Stop being conservative and become more liberal. Things change. Your going to have to break out of that "shy shell." If your not satisfied with your looks, do something about it. Life doesn't revolve around you it revolves around us. I am not here to denigrade all who are despondent about not having a girl friend. For all those who have suicidal thoughts, is it really worth it, you only have one life, and many chances. Perseverance; do not forlorn about your life and struggles. Everyone has them. Its how you deal with them. To tell you the truth I am seventeen and I have never kissed a girl and never had a girl friend. Does that stop me from moving on. I have been rejected many times. I have a 4.07 GPA, Scholar Athlete, going to a 4-year university and I am a handsome guy. I'm not going to act hubris and go on. I am here to say do not give up. Because I haven't. You need to change and by changing you can make a difference. Go to the gym, I didn't get six pack from sitting on a couch. Go run. Just don't give up. It's never over till you die. My challenge to you, can you carry yourself through life and find a purpose.Truthfull I try to live for God but I am not perfect I make many mistakes, I try to act down to earth and I am bothered when people say crude things. Patience is the key to finding the one you will truly love. Lust leads only to pernicious actions. Thank you for reading and I hope I didn't act supercilious too much. It's really superfulous to end life now so begin!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010):

I no how it feels everyone. I two carry this burden. I am 17 years old and yes i have had girlfriends but they were all for a joke to see if they could make me feel like i was in a relationship then laugh in my face about how dumb i was. I choose not to go out now as i have been brutaly beaten even polled to the head in unprovoaked attacks. I also have a condition which only i have in the world which makes me feel like a human outcast. How can i tell this to a girl and expect anything positive. I havnt had a Girlfriend in six years let along kissed someone. I feel so lonely...but i keep moving and striving im not ugly nor am i the best looking bloke around but all we can do men and women is hope life is very cruel and unfair but dont look to the people who are classed as FIT youll just in the end be regected. I have no confidence wat so ever but i give this message in hope it helps sombody out. No one should be alone and i mean no one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

look guys all it takes is one brave move. stop thinking "what if she says no" and start thinking positive... worked for me! Go somewhere that it doesn't matter if you get rejected like a bar out of town or a club and get some practice with the ladies.... ps i dont understand why girls like useless deadbeat guys who treat them like crap either. good luck!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010):

Well I can identify with ur situation. Im 17, and never even had a girl like me. i have a history of speech impediments, and even at this point find it extremely tense just to say one word. i occassionaly play baseball, read, play video games and only hang out with a few friends. generally i feel like im looked down upon (wen i sat down at a lunch table everybody got up and left). i know what my problem is; two years of untreated depression has left me with an indifferent attitude, often nearly provoking fights and usually just dont care what ppl think of me. im getting to the point where i just want to step out in front of a truck. i mean, aside from my parents, who would really miss me? id probaly be doing everybody a favor, as it seems the entire area hates me. i dont know how this helps you, but at least u could have it worse right?

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A male reader, Marauder Canada +, writes (30 April 2010):

I understand your problem, Im 18 as well, have a real good job working in the bank, in business banking, as well drive a nice car. Yet this does not seem to attract any girls, now I dont know whats wrong, I dont think Im bad looking, nor do people in general think Im bad looking, yet most girls I find want the BAD BOY type who are going no were in life. Now I dont completly understand as to why this is the case, but unfortunately it is. Never had a Girlfriend, have asked girls as well but have always been turned down. Though Im there confidant, were they can confide in me there problems or why they are depressed, and so forth, I need a confidant as well. I dont know what the next step is, or what I should do, but I guess I will just continue doing my thing. Working hard, to have a good living and retire early.

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A female reader, oshaun'26 United States +, writes (30 November 2009):

well im a girl and i've never had a boyfriend i have been kissed but it was an extremely short relationship, 5 days not even enough to be called a relationship anyway, i have had guys interested in me and i can tell you one thing if we don't make the first move or if you make the first move and we tell you stop in an annoying tone or something, WE ARE NOT INTERESTED. Don't force it, you can try putting your arm around her but if she says stop take it away and DO NOT do it again but if she snuggles up to you then you know she's okay with it but don't take it too fast. Most girls just want a guys who is nice, faithful and loving. And if you give a girl, or at least this is what i would want, if you give her loyalty, faithfulness, respect and love, you will get everything returned to you ten fold. at least i would give it to you the same way don't be discouraged a lot of girls out there are just as confused and frustrated as you are but i think the main thing is is to be confident in yourself and if you think you're ready for kissing or whatever do it but if your not then don't hope this helps

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A female reader, oshaun'26 United States +, writes (30 November 2009):

well im a girl and i've never had a boyfriend i have been kissed but it was an extremely short relationship, 5 days not even enough to be called a relationship anyway, i have had guys interested in me and i can tell you one thing if we don't make the first move or if you make the first move and we tell you stop in an annoying tone or something, WE ARE NOT INTERESTED. Don't force it, you can try putting your arm around her but if she says stop take it away and DO NOT do it again but if she snuggles up to you then you know she's okay with it but don't take it too fast. Most girls just want a guys who is nice, faithful and loving. And if you give a girl, or at least this is what i would want, if you give her loyalty, faithfulness, respect and love, you will get everything returned to you ten fold. at least i would give it to you the same way don't be discouraged a lot of girls out there are just as confused and frustrated as you are but i think the main thing is is to be confident in yourself and if you think you're ready for kissing or whatever do it but if your not then don't hope this helps

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

I hear ya. I'm 17 as well and I feel ur pain. I have been lookin for a while and it seems as though all the girls Here are looking for is a bad boy that gets in trouble and is rude to their parents. It's annoyng cause I am one of the nicest guys in my grade and all the girls I ask out give me the excuse "I think of u as a big brother rather than a boyfriend. I could never date my brother." I'm sick of this! I have had chances but every one is a girl that has a problem and just really wants a therapist. I'll be off to college in a year and will the only guy in my grade that has not had a date. So don't feel bad and join the club. Guys order him a club jacket.

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A male reader, anonymously United States +, writes (23 June 2009):

okay dude, i hear you. i've asked out three girls, all of them turned me down. i've had to break up couples getting it on twice. i've turned down an orgy, and have walked away from numerous, shall we say, hopeful situations. never had a girlfriend. i'm by nature a very shy introverted person. constructing complete sentences can sometimes be almost painful, even though i know what to say. human communication is almost never truly pleasant, and is mostly forced. phone conversations make me more nervous than roller coasters make little kids. however, i know i'm a funny guy, a thoughtful guy, and a very well spoken social guy. even though i dislike interacting with people, i know i have a gift for it. so even though i feel distanced from the rest of my humanity by never having a girlfriend and by being so massively introverted, i always just plow through it. i have heavy metal playing in the back of my head, or i use some taoist meditation techniques, but really, when push comes to shove, you just do it. you suck it up and power forward. there's a lot of stuff that makes it easier, loud songs, not letting yourself be alone too much, different types of meditation, and faith helps too. but really, you just gotta get out of your box, it gets easier, though never truly easy. wish i had a magic answer for you, but i don't and i don't think there is one. just do it! and remember, nice guys finish last, but only the truly diamond girls wait to see ALL the contestants finish.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009):

Hi,

I have managed to read through the majority of these posts - somehow i get attracted to these responses makes me feel like im not the only one out there-roller coaster f depression. But anyway im 18 haven had a gf and never attempted to ask someone out. I feel incredibly shy, however i can talk well to girls and guys without any fear. Girls that i know, when greeting them at parties etc friends give me hugs and kisses on the cheek. I know i prob fir in the average cateogry of the guy who likes indie music,football and videogames wiht a non styled haircut but then it is hard to step out of that. I maintain a clean hygine around everyone and try to be nice to everyone though i do upset some people and that really hurts me inside - like accidently saying something inappropriately or accidenlty ignoring someone which really happens unintetnionally. I cant bring myself to do social things that often i am more the loner type. I keep myself fir and take care of my appearance. Somme things i notice is when i talk to my freinds they talk to me for a bit and then their expression changes to boredom all my frens do i know that i am a boring guy i feel i have no personality. in reality i know i am boring. I am in uni now just starting and i feel its similar to high school. My frens get and meet new people quite easily which i cant do :( i am boring. And I feel im riding a rollar coaster. MY frens don't invite me anywhere any more, after changing from high school to uni and in that group it is diminishing slowly. I am scared to call up my frens and i am starting to dread small things to such as getting a haircut im scared im becoming more and more antisocial. I do sport twice a week and even there people dont talk to me much even though i have known many people 10+ years i feel they have something against me. I feel really lonely and i cant bring myself to talk to people at least to see their face brighten up when i talk to them but all i do is bore. I am what you say the more nerdy type of guy not so much as likes studying but the person who likes to read and play video games. I have no sense of humour and a very serious guy. I just want someone to make me feel i belong and care, i really just want to love someone who will love me back for who i m and i feel i will neveri cant change its not me unless someone can point out if changing into someone else is good because it takes away from what you like and in saying that i know its life and tough luck. If you managed to read through all this, Thanks alot for putting up with my rant.But feels good to get that off my chest. Sorry if it seems jumbled as this is pretty much my thoughts i felt for the whole of my life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

@ Woodyt / Tom

Okay firstly at 15 years old, most guys haven't kissed a girl before. If your say they have, then some could be lying. As for your mate who has lost his virginity, he could also be lying but also he could actually regret it later in life.

In terms of you thinking that you're ugly, are you actually? Ask your friends, both guys and girls and see what they say. Make a point of saying that you want them to be brutally honest. If you are not happy with your appearance then work with it, try to improve your looks. If it's haircut, look out for a new idea that you could replicate. If you have spots then dedicate a could few weeks on getting them cleared (check acne.org). If you have bad teeth, then make an effort of cleaning them thoroughly and regularly. If it's your clothes you don't like, then look out for a style and try to copy it. If you want a particular skill, music or cooking etc, then take lessons or enrol on a course. Constantly trying to improve yourself in life is key, set targets and attempt to hit them.

In terms of height, 5'8 is fine. I don't actually know weight because I'm not American so don't know pounds, but if you are overweight then do something about it. You don't even need to go to the gym, just do regular exercise and cut down on fizzy drinks and chocalate (DO NOT cut down on how much food you eat overall or diet).

If you do feel suicidal, then you need to seek help. There is always confidential help around. Simply type into Google "youth help" followed by your town. For example "youth help Seattle" or "youth help suicide Seattle".

Things do change, but you have to make them change. If you think you are ugly, then do everything you can to change this.

Also read my five points below. They can help you.

Hope everything goes okay.

YeahYeahYeah.

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A male reader, Woodyt United States +, writes (5 March 2009):

My name is tom.

I am 15years old and I have never been kissed or had a gf

Almost every guy I know has at least had a gf and been kissed

My best friend has lost his virginity

I feel lonly all the time.

I feel like I am sooo ugly and mo one will ever like me

I am like 5'8" or so and wiegh like 180 pounds

Almost every day I feel so depressed about my life I have even had suicide thoughts. I always feel so detached from every one I know. I know a lot of girls and most of them like me as a friend and say that I am pretty nice. But I know I am too ugly and I will never be more than that. A friend. I always feel like someones wachin me and thinkin I'm a fat geeky nerd. I always dream about havin a gf. I don't even care that much about the sexual stuff. I just want someone who loves me for who I am. I don't think I will ever be loved. I believe I will die alone.

Thanks for listening(reading)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009):

I've wasted maybe a good 15 minutes reading this page so here's my story.

I'm 16. I've also never had a girlfriend, never been kissed (properly, I've had friendly kisses on the cheek).

I'm not a social outcast. I have alot of good friends.

Firstly, I'm not an unattractive guy, I'm not overweight either. In fact I think I'm quite good looking (if I do say so myself).

Girls say I'm cute (although I get the feeling this is just their word for "nice" :P).

I get on well with girls and on the whole, I don't get nervous when talking to women.

With one exception: this one gorgeous girl (like supermodel gorgeous) who just blows my mind.

I get on well with my two good female friends who are both stunning but they are both hang around with loads of boys all the time. One of them has had about million boyfriends and loads of sex. The other one isn't so bad, she just wears tight-fitting clothes all the time. She keeps thinking she's ugly, so I think having loads of guys ogle her must boost her self esteem.

Unfortunately, I don't really have much of a chance with either of them, as I don't see them outside school alot and they both have "better" male friends than me.

So that frustrates me quite alot.

I'm not particularly nerdy or unstylish either, my main interests are graffiti and punk/alt/grunge rock. My hair is usually styled punk-ish and I always dress well.

Basically, I take good care in selecting what I wear.

I used to just wear whatever, and not bother with my hair at all. Changing how other people saw me, made me feel more confident because then they have a preconception about me which I feel obliged to follow up on.

I have been asked out before and girls have fancied me before but they were people I could never find attractive. I'll admit it was purely a physical thing, I just wouldn't be able to do anything with someone who I didn't find sexy.

It's strange, the girl who I haven't paid any attention to falls for me but the girl who I've been chatting up for the past two months doesn't realise I'm interested in her?

God why hath thou forsaken me!

Vaguely related, a few of my old friends, a bunch of "cool" indie/scene/stoner kids, used to give me shit when they found out I had never had a gf.

Most of it, about 50%, came from this one prick, who was an egotist, a liar, a racist and a moron all rolled into one.

Yet he almost always had an attractive girlfriend.

Anyway, this guy was a sort of ring leader that was always at the centre of everything, so everyone thought all the stupid shit he said was oh so witty.

In the end I just thought fuck 'em and began hanging out with some intelligent people. They're all guys but at least I don't have to tolerate stupid shit all the time.

Luckily, I'm still on good terms with all my old friends, they just think I've become anti-social or something, so I didn't lose the friends who weren't dicks.

(In re:15 July entry) Same here, girls just ignore me when hugs are exchanged. I'll be walking down my road with a friend when some girl we both know comes over gives him a greeting hug, ignoring me completely. It just made me feel as though I'm worth the time.

I once asked a girl about this (the one with the tight-fitting clothes) who said it was because I was "too hard" - because I have a sort of punk/cynical/anti-emotional/sterotypical male attitude towards everything, so I guess they feel intimidated as if I might back away and start swearing at them (which I most certainly would not :P).

As for why I've never had a girlfriend, my main problem is that whenever I'm with girls there are other guys around. Since I changed friends, the only place I meet girls is at school, during lessons. The classes are divided into little cliques - so I'll come in and sit down at a table with my mates and there'll be x amount of guys and only 1 or 2 girls.

So it's almost like your competing for her attention.

How're you going to get a girl on her own at 16, without seeming like a creep?

Because I'm never been in that situation - just me, her, alone - it's made it hard to get relationships started.

So my advice (for what it's worth)is,

- change your friends if they keep annoying you about it

- don't be shy, let's be honest that doesn't work

- try a different look, improve your appearence

Anyway, that's my essay over. I don't usually write this much but I had a lot to get of my chest.

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A male reader, YeahYeahYeah United Kingdom +, writes (24 December 2008):

Ok guys, here are some tips...

1) Get out there - If you want to meet girls, you need to get out of the house, because that's the one place where there aren't any. You can meet girls at a variety of activity clubs (drama/sports etc), social places like bowling alleys, bars, live music venues, cinema. If you don't visit these places then you're seriously limiting yourself. Think how many times you meet new girls every week, if the number is low, and you know that you're not suitable with girls you already know, then you'll never find someone. Infact school/college and work are the worst places to look for girls because most girls know that if the relationship ends on a bad note, they'll still have to see your face every single day!

2. Be different - There is not one person who is liked by everyone. Sure some celebrities like Brad Pitt have alot of admirers, but not every single girl likes him. If you are "very normal" then chances are you'll have quite a few female friends, but no girlfriend. Normal can also mean boring as well. In some way, be different. You don't have to be totally different, but you to set yourself apart from other guys either using your looks, your personality or even your hobbies/activites. The guy who wears plain t-shirts, jeans, non-styled haircut, has an "alright" personality and likes football, video games and indie music will get nowhere.

3. Consequences - Get into a position where you're meeting girls who you'll never see again. That way you are in a position where you have nothing to lose. It's fine to feel afraid about being rejected. It's takes balls to ask a girl out who you see everyday in school/college because if she does say no, you'll still have to see her and the "event" will probably have made it's way around the school. Whereas in another environment, if she says no, then it doesn't matter because you'll never see her again.

4. Try younger - I know alot of 16 year old girls who are dating 18 year old guys. I also know alot of 16 year old guys who are dating 14 year old girls. It's usually the way things work round here, and it might be the case with where you live too.

5. Research PUA - Material is largely free and some, although not all, have said that it works. Either way it does tend to make you much more confident.

Hope they help!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008):

hey there

I'm one of the many as I see here who unfortunatly never had a girlfriend. I'm 21 y old now going on college. I can say that I'm a sociable person have a lot of friens (lot of male and lot of female friends also) and I never even tried at some girl cause of the fear that I'll be dumped. I think I'm not an ugly men I've talked about that with my friends about that and they assured me that it's not about the beauty. I really don't know why ,at the moment when I should say to the girl that I like or I want to kiss her, I just freeze and say to myself "Leave it you can't do it, u are too stupid for this".

Last few weeks I'm kind alike with one of my flatmates (girl of course). I really like her, she's beautiful, nice, outgoing person. But I'm afraid I will do with her like the rest of the girls, she'll become just my friend nothing more.

So any advise will be helpful

Thans

V

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008):

Well im 18 and a half aswell and never had a gf. What ive learned is that girls look for the guys that are kinda the bad boys. All my friends are girls and i dnt have any close guy friends, i think this is another one of my problems. So through having only girl frineds i have learnt alot. So many of them tell me wenever thayve had a rough time in their relationship, and its always a guy cheating or a guy treating her badly or sumin, and yet they always go back to that same guy. ???? WTF. i still dnt understand it, and the weirdest thing is twice now ive been told by two of my friends that, i quote, "Your such a nice guy, ur not like other guys and i hope you always stay like this and never become one of those bad boy types. I mean WTF????? So im not sure, mayby if i hold out it will all work out in the end.

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A male reader, Urosh Serbia +, writes (18 November 2008):

Urosh agony auntLemme tell you something brother.That means you re a good person.You have a pure heart,and you think of first kiss and such stuff as something very special.Since these things are so special to you it s obvious why they don t happen very often.I agree,it s not fair at all but once it happens you will please your girl and make a good use of it all,you ll be the star.I like you being honest and ask for help man,and besides I have the same problem yet I m 17 already.I feel like a loser sometimes and it hurts.But you know this:never break,never back down.Cheers mate,enjoy your life,like yourself,make good time cause you deserve it and in the end I hope you get what you ve been looking for.Good Luck Dude!!!!

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A male reader, mxracer578 United States +, writes (11 September 2008):

man i feel u, i just turned 17 and just came out of a weird experience with a girl that liked me.we met through freinds and we hungout for 2 weeks and all of a sudden she had her ex boyfriend text me saying that she just wants to be freinds. this was after weve been close,but ive never had a gf either and we r all here for u bro!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008):

sorry about the girl problems, i have the same problem, but if it makes you feel any better I'm going into my senior year and have never kissed a girl before. You have plenty of time to get in on the action. Dont worry

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008):

Im in the same boat, im 18 and find it very hard to talk to girls....for some reason i dont feel worth it, i would look at a girl and think "they can defo do better, they wont bother with me" and i walk off and use music as my natural hi. i guess porn addiction is also involved here...

also wot also frustrates me ( and is probably my fault) when a load of hugs are exchanged between students that i know of, but i don't get approached....that gave me the impression that im ugly and they don't exactly like me...so that made me step back....

now i find that just talking to male or female people is awkward.....there are a couple of people who i really enjoy talking to. but there are some people that i talk to and i end up thinking "i just want to be somewhere else"...i feel as if people find me annoying and boring cuz im consstantly trying to b entertaining and funny.

im up to the point where i think i will be happier somewhere deserted, on my own....it will make me and everyone else happier....

weirdly, i don't feel like shit...i don't love myself, but im comfortable and very happy with me. i would not want to be anyone else :P.....

yet strangely, i feel as if everyone else is better then me..i guess i have accepted the fact that im not as good as anyone else, however im happy with it :S

is this a good thing or a bad thing?! i see it as being non judgmental.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008):

hey all thanks for the help on that, im 17 and i allways crap myself for just thinking to ask a girl out. but im gonna ask a girl out plus if u dont try u will never know

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A male reader, guyfrombtwon United States +, writes (30 June 2008):

I am also in the same boat.

It is so good to know that I am not the only one out there.

What is it that causes this?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008):

Well, I'm 18 and a half and I have never had a girlfriend in my life. It's weird though, because I do look pretty good and

I am not shy at all. I have many male friends and many female

friends, but nothing higher has ever turned out with the girls. I have absolutely no trouble with talking to girls, and I'm pretty good at making them laugh (not trying to sound stuck-up by any means, if it seems like I am). Every one of my guy-friends has a had a girlfriend-at least one. However, I have never once had one, and I just cannot figure it out. I

am hopeful, although there are absolutely no good signs. I'll

be going to college soon, maybe things will turn out better there. It's good to see that I'm not the only one with this problem because it really seemed like I was for a while.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008):

well im just like every other person here, never had a girl but i think it gets way harder when you get out of school unless you go to uni or college, and even harder if you are a tradie/labourer basically because you dont seem to spend anytime with any girl let alone the one you want...anyway shit happens and rejection hurts but not forever, anyway fuck this shit im gonna go to a whorehouse hahahaha catch ya

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008):

Hi. I'm in the same boat. (Except it's 2008...and you were a sophomore in 2004.) I'm just going to be myself, and if girls don't like me, well, too bad.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

I am 21 and close to my 22nd birthday. I am halfway to earning a doctoral degree. I have never had a girlfriend. More than that, though, I have never kissed a girl, hugged a girl, held hands, or ANYTHING.

Yes, it is a sad truth that some of us are too focused on academics, or work, or athletics and lose sight of some of the joys of life. I know I have. No matter what I try, it seems the same.

Before you try to think of some reasons why I might be in this situation - assuming I am fat, have a bad personality, or have some other fatal defect - please accept my honest assurance that I am not overly defective in any area.

I am a 6 foot tall individual weighing 160 pounds. I am well developed and have a little acne which is finally receding. My rating on "hot or not" is 8.3. Attractiveness is not the issue.

Although I can be difficult, I still have plenty of friends. People find me likable generally and I deal with many people every day. I am not antisocial.

And lastly, if you think that I am homosexual, you are also wrong there. I exclusively find women attractive.

To be honest, I am not sure what has precipitated my situation - except that I suffered from severe nodular acne for many years. Also, perhaps, I can attribute it to a high level of education and my hard work in school all my life.

Without irritation, there is no pearl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

hey man

i feel your pain and i understand

but here is the thing, since ur a football player and everything you know it's not the physical look that gets the hunies

its something in ur personality

ur shy of talking to girls, that's why u fuck it up

get these 4 points

1- Shy guys finish last... women very rarely will come down to you and talk to you,,, you should get out there and talk .. with confidence, with balls

2- TAKE MORE CHANCES! you know, when i learned stickshift, i didn't do it right the first time, or the second, or the first 9 years of me trying to learn it ... i gave myself numerous chances untill i own one now ( i'm 20 )

3- you're affraid...ex. if someone comes to you and starts talking to you.. would u feel uncomfortable or shy? nooo you'd like it actually.. same thing with girls

4- WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE !! if she gives you bad reaction ,,, you know what, throw ur middle finger at her face and walk away ... a month or 2 later WHO'S GONNA REMEMBER ? you're not gonna be in a history book for facing the worst rejections

(i know there are shitload of spelling mistakes in here, but i have to go soon, hope that helped )

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008):

Man I thought I was alone on this one, well im 19 and ive never had a Girl Friend, Ive thought of why, and could say its because I was overweight throughout my whole life, being picked on and stuff made my self estteem and confidence NILL.

Well now that ive lost 70 pounds in the last 7 months that ive been thinking about this ALOT, When I first started to loose weight I got some confidence, I thought I met the one girl I got to know her and made friends with her and then I asked her out, she shot me down. Since then I cant approach any other girl without thinking about her, it broke my heart.

My problem is I never learned how to approach woman, im just to inexperienced.I remember when I was younger 15-16 I didnt try cause I knew noone wanted to touch me I had barely any firends how could I get a girlfriend.

Well thats my story im still single,and to be honest I dont rely want to be with anyone else anymore,I've given up I guess.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I'm 18 and 8 months old, and also have never had a girlfriend. I feel a lot of girls think I'm gay, which I'm not. So I don't bother asking them out. As well, I was hugely popular in high school (class prez). It sucks. I've had crushes on girls, but when I think they only flirt with me to try to get other guys jealous.

Need help too!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

how bout this...ive had a few relationships before in highschool but all of a sudden i just cant get a girl to talk to me. im exxxtremely shy and i have conversations with women but nothing sticks anymore. my last actual try at a girl was two years ago. i was shot down badly. i guess i was too shy around her and she mistook that for boring. so she called me boring a bunch of old friends i used to have found out and they started calling me boring steve. i dont hang around with those douches anymore there too into cocaine and stuff now but ever since that rejection i have never..ever felt so humiliated and lonely as i do now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008):

I can relate well to you guys, im 17, will be 18 in a few days, and I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I fined any of the few hugs I have recieved from the opposite sex invigorating, the closest thing to a kiss. My peers in school both male and female, who I see all the time, hug eachother daily. I dont know why they dont bother to hug me its an awkward feeling, they usually dont agknowlege my presence in class change or crowded areas where other peers converse, which personally ticks me off. Yet they seem to when they are small talking to me in class before the bell rings... odd... The hugs I recieve are usually from work, (Abercrombie) by other co-workers so I know im not exactly ugly. I think once I get into college i'll finally have some experience in relationsips, only time will tell. Good luck to the others on this form.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

I'm 18, it's really great to see so many more in the same boat as me. #1 thing, I was able to get a few "players" I know to get to admit that they're making most of it up. My dad once told me to see past the bs before I even liked girls but he's right, most every "player" is a liar making ourselves feel insufficient and in the meantime, slimming our chances.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

well im 17(18 in like a month) n ive never had a gf i seriously dnt no wants rong wit me i get on wit girls i jst dnt av confidance in my looks(which dispite wat anyone says it matters) anyway i feel for all you guys n girls n im so glad i found this site. x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008):

I'm the same as everyone else. Almost 17, never had a real lasting relationship that actually dealt with real feelings... I'm just so lonely all the time... It drives me crazy. How all the girls go out with the 'popular' guys and end up getting absolutely screwed over. I know I would do all I could to keep a relationship lasting.

Maybe the people that you take one glance at and think he's sort of cute, but an absolute loser for whatever reason, will be the one that would last.

I don't dress like a nerd at all, I dress nicer than most people. I'm a little overweight, but it's not even noticeable with clothes on lol. I still do play a fair variety of sports (golf being the main one). But I still get overlooked all the time, even though I am told often that I have a great sense of humor, and all of the above.

It's painful, not knowing the feeling of being wanted..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008):

I'm finding it interesting just how many people have never had boyfriends or girlfriends ... that makes me feel great because I've never had a boyfriend and I just turned 18 a month ago. I've started university and I thought a change of scene might help, but nope, not yet ... oh well, I'm trusting in God the right guy will come along ... sometime. I'm only 18!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008):

Hey there, I'm 18 and just started college. And I'm just like everyone here...

I have gotten close to having a girlfriend many times. But time and time again I seem to mess up somewhere (it's happened about 15 times now). It comes to the point where I really feel that the girl is attracted to me but then she suddenly loses interest...

As a result I have lost confidence in myself and my ability to be with a chick. This summer I was especially hit hard whe i was really in LOVE with a girl from my High School...

I thought to myself, "Hey, she's all yours" then I found a way to make a fool out of myself in front of her and she stopped speaking nicely to me and eventually didn't call me anymore...

Since then I have given up... I'm going to Spain this summer to "find myself" and I gonna leave home.... maybe that'll change me and make me a new person...

Anyways, I hope you the best of luck (look online everywhere, David DeAngelo is great look him up!)

Sincerely, Anonymous

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008):

Well I'm 17 and have never had a girlfriend. A lot of that has been to do with me having no confidence but I've also been

overweight for most of my life up until lost 4 stone in 2006. Since then I'm no longer fat and am quite good looking

(sorry if I sound up myself!) or so I've been told. But being fat for so long really affected my confidence.I asked out a

few girls over the last few years but got rejected each time, and It's mainly because I was fat, because looks really do matter

to most people wheather they admit it or not. But after all that I massivly fear rejection and because of that I just havn't asked

anyone out. I'm also not very good with girls to be honest, I'm ok with the ones I don't fancy but the ones I do I'm just a wreck

with. One thing that did happen when I lost weight is managed to kiss a girl for the first time! shocking eh? shallow women...

I also had someone like me but she was too over the top, like I bearly knew her basicly announching her love for me, and then once

I said no she moved on within a week or two :s

My problem is the feeling of rejection has almost made me feel that its not worth asking anyone as I like feeling a bit of a single

loser more than that of feeling rejected, so I don't bother with the risk anymore.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

well im 17, and have had a few fun times with girls but never really had a lasting relationship. My first relationship was in year 10 and lasted for 3 months and then another in year 12 which lasted for 1, but nothing much more than that. Inbetween then ive pulled girls at dances and balls but have yet to find someone i can 'settle down' with which is ultimately what i want to do. Ive taken steps to make myself more attractive and its working because i now get compliments almost everyday at schoolwhich is great! i am quite shy but its amazing how much my confidence has been boosted by changingmy appearance. I know its off topic but guys, girl are impressed when you wear pink! it shows confidence and a desire to stand out from the crowd and really gets you noticed!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008):

I've turned 18 recently (last month actually) and I've never had a girlfriend my whole life. Like some of the people here, I'm not trying to be an ass or anything; but people always say that I'm good looking. But when people asked me where my girlfriend is (they always assume I have one)I'd say that I don't have a girlfriend. Which THEN leads to them asking how many have I had, and to which I reply that I have never had one.

This is where the moment of shock occurs to all the people that haven't known me for a long time, because they all assume that I'm the really outgoing type that asks girls out all the time when I'm not.

So this is also the point where I'll ask, if I really was good looking, did it help me in any way to get girls? In my opinion, no.

I think that I've been too passive about relationships. And regarding girls liking me, I've had a few... and also like some of the people here I always either thought that they're too "aggressive" or that I'm too good for them.

I can't help being picky, but in that sense it makes me fail. I'd like to think there's someone out there for me, I'm not asking for extremely good looks but just someone that I can just talk to nicely about my hobbies and everything without them having to ask me out to go clubbing all the time or something _

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007):

Well I'm 19 and as the theme is, I follow it. I dunno in highschool there were girls that I was interested in but I could have really cared less I was pretty oblivious and was only into hanging out with friends and playing music. But when I got to college I realized I didnt do anything in HS except play music and so I met a few girls but nothing ever materialized and I was deeply hurt by a couple of them and I feel like it really has damaged me. I dont know if I'll ever meet a girl and end up with them cause so far it seems like they like me but someone is always there who interests them more. and from the experience, I do think girls just say they want a nice guy. deep down they enjoy complications because it keeps the relatioship interesting for them. all my friends that are girls all tell me too that I'm a sweet guy and attractive blah blah but nothing ever works. I need to become an asshole.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

i feel your pain. i am a freshman and i have never had a boyfriend and everybody has either a girlfriend or a boyfriend already . It is very discusting what girls and guys say about what they did to someone i have to admit. and it is so pathetic how fast the " relationships" as they are called last for. i sometimes wish boys and girls would just take time to know the person or have an actual relationship then just getting someone for kicks, becuase many ppl get hurt my this. For example i myself started talking to this boy we became friends and soon he asked me out. I soon found out that he was a player and liked two other girls. obviuosly i never went out with this guy, when i found out he was hitting on my friend

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007):

keep your faith be strong. Faith is everything

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007):

to start off i truly have sympathy for you all. i know it is difficult to feel that. We all know that your not alone in this. I'm 16 and have had the misfortune of never feeling of being wanted by someone (you know girlfriend) that feeling of holds someone else that you love. Yes it can be depressing. It sometimes depresses me that i have had little contact with any girls No friendly kisses, hugged a girl once and never had a girlfriend . I don't know how religious you are but whoever you believe in put your faith into them.Think maybe that the higher spirit you believe in thinks it is not time. Patience and faith is the key. Be strong everyone. Your day shall come

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007):

Well seeing as everyone is telling their story, maybe this will help me relieve some pressure from a heavy heart and weighted shoulders of trying to get a girlfriend! Im 22, and the last time I had a gf was prob wen I was about 18 (first and last), but even that didn't last very long. Nothing really happened between us and the crux of the problem continues -my lack of confidence in myself.

Its hard enough that you can't get a gf, but then when you're walking around, watching tv, socialising, you cant escape it, ppl being together, sex on tv, everything in your face!! So how can you stop feeling depressed about it?

well recently ive been working at this new place and there's this girl that works there; after a few weeks, I plucked up the courage and dove right in. Seemed that a bit of confidence was helping me get my foot in the door with this girl. Well after about 2 months, we'd been getting along great, always joking with her, having my lunch break and going to see her and chat(she works in my office). Then out the blue I had this STUPID notion of asking her out! Well my mistake, because after I asked her (just before i finished my sentence)... she hastily replied "I dont really go out with guys. I havent actually been out with anyone before" and just like that my world came crashing down. A few seconds went by, wasnt really sure what to do now, was kinda banking on her saying "yea lets go out!"...so then followed a little nervous laughter and I replied in a jokey way "well that was a slap in the face" and sat there with her for a few moments while she chattered like a monkey about something or other and I returned to my desk.

But at that moment I felt kind of relieved. Reason being, im not that kind of guy that just goes up to girls and asks them out. So I suppose it was a big step for me, despite the rejection. Only problem is...im still single, and on top of that, I see her every morning, and its kind of gotten weird between us two. Now days, I think I should just keep my head down and just stop trying (not just with her, with the female population in general).

Its weird, my freinds say that im alrite looking, I know quite a few girls have fancied me, but I never really taken stock unless I really like them. So the girls I do actually like, end up not feeling the same. Hopeless and possibly pathetic as this whole text of mine sounds...inevitably, i dont think theres much hope for guys in this position unless you raise your confidence which is easier said then done.

All the while writing this account of my recent "shortfalls", im listening to Moonlight Sonata which seems to be making me even more depressed! lol I think the only thing I can do in this situation is to laugh.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

I'm 17 now, I've only had a girlfriend once when I was 11 and all my friends are getting girls but not me, and I'm getting really depressed about it because it's been so long and I just don't know what to do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007):

im 17 and never had a girlfreind and it sucks i used to have a few freinds that were girls but not anymore i am pretty confident when im with my freinds but when i see a girl i like i become a wreck all my confidence goes i would never have the guts to go up and talk to a girl i know what would happen i would say hi and then there would be a huge awkward silence and then she would walk away and i would look like an idiot i don't no what the hell to do or say

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

Dude, be yourself.. get rid of negative thoughts and bring on some positive enforcement. ;) keep that in mind and just go with the flow.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

I'm 17. and never had one. I don't get it.

First of all, in my school, NO one is single for God sakes.

Anyway, I don't do drugs, I have a good GPS(3.0), I show up to work EVERYDAY! Never have missed, so money... I'm also a DECENT looking guy too. However, all my ugly friends, who don't have a job, get girls that ask them ALL the TIME! But me, nope.

Anyway, I really have no idea whatsoever.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007):

It's so weird, for me it was i never had it and now like, it's just natural for me to talk to women, get books on the subject, read some men's health articles, talk to your girl friends that you aren't into about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007):

I'm an 18 year old male and I'm single. I haven't had much success with women. I had a girlfriend in seventh grade, but only for maybe a week. We only played footsie under the table, so it wasn't really serious. She ended it by sending her friends to tell me it was over. My senior year in high school, I was having trouble finding a prom date, since I don't have many female friends, so a friend of mine offered to set me up with his girlfriend's friend. I had a great time and would have liked to get to know her better, but there was maybe a week left in school and she had plans to travel all summer. I'm a college freshman now and just recently I got my first kiss with a girl I really like, but it was terribly awkward because it involved some peer pressure. We don't even talk much anymore since then and we used to talk all the time. Since then, she's started spending a lot of time with some guy. I have to say that it stings hard to see them having fun together. I have a lot of friends (almost all male), so I know that people like me, but when I'm around a girl, I just freeze. I completely forget how to act around people and it just gets awkward. I know that if I could just act the way I normally do around women I would have a lot more female friends and quite possibly even a girlfriend. I just get so self-conscious and my normal confidence disappears. I get so stiff and introverted that it's no wonder a girl has not found me attractive enough to pursue. I hope I get over this soon, because its about time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007):

im 15 and i have had crushes on loads of boys, i like sweet shy boys, but im shy too so i have only have a few relationships i wish boys would just ask! it would make everything so much easyier and so what if she says no its not like you are going to die there are plenty more fish in the sea, if you want a girlfriend just ask of course you are going to be turnned down sometimes but others you wont! good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007):

well umm im 15 and i have absolutly never had a girl friend. i am 6'0 190 pounds and im not that attractive. im in love with my best friend and me and her a really close she tells me everything. were always on the phone and always together. she knows i love her and told me that im not her type and that she cant go out with fat dudes now i want to be with her so bad but there is a part of me that wants to just stop being her friend so that way ill stop hurting. i always have to see her with her new boyfriends and she always talks about these other dudes and how dey so sexy and shit and i just take it in. i play wit her and call her my boo and shit and tell her i love her everyday and when she do stuff with boys like let dem hold her and shit and i say well can i she be like no and i just dont know what to do, i want and need her in my life but i just dont want to hurt her anymore so if anybody got anysuggestions email me plz [email address blocked]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007):

to continue with the "distressing" stories here- never had a girlfriend though did like a few but didn't approach them. I am fairly a good looking fellow, however did like a girl once, we were the best of friends for almost a year with all my friend telling me to go for it. I think she sensed it and maybe she liked me but then took too much liberty with me and talked to me in a way I didn't like for a couple of times. I drew the line and stopped speaking to her totally. She cried in front of the whole class and created a mess but I was firm. I had banged the door shut. She called me twice or thrice but I refused to talk to her. Seems cruel but I know that if I went back she would totally take advantage of the situation. I am hurt too but I am convinced in the circumstances that was the best possible recourse

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007):

im 20yo. 5,8 height. i know that girls find me cute. but somhow ive never had a girl. i only want the hottest ones. i walk around with the ultimate confidence. that is until i try to talk to a beautiful girl and feel an extreme shyness, as if im gona burst out all the liquids in my body from all the holes on my body. people dont understand why we are shy. a total lack of experience is to blame. so until we hit the jackpot,its gona be tough not to explode in the presence of the one that attr

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007):

at the moment i am 16 and go to high school. i consider myself to be not ugly but not good looking either so far i have only had one girlfriend in my entire life...but she lived ages away. the truth is...i would so love to be in a relationship right now but i havent got enough girl friends to find a girlfriend. whats stopping me is the ability to be confident and see the positive side of life.

i just hate the feeling when everything is going well...and i suddenly think..."i have no confidence... i dont have a girlfriend..." it makes me feel really crap and really ruins my day. and my closest friend dont help either. if my confidence and self esteem start to build up, all they do is bust right back down and to make matters worse, they stand me up of any girl i like or have a crush on e.g. "oh look, alex(my web name) has a boner"

sometimes i dont have the courage to have a girl because of my friends!

all i want is a slow progressing relationship with a kind hearted and generous girl, which i know a few of, but already have a relationship. im not very good at flirting, but i want to improve. so what can i do? shall i just w8 till im older?

thanks to anyone who gets back to me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007):

I think the main reason she's like that is coz of the age dif. Or maybe your not her type of guy but maybe she hasn't seen that guy fully yet. There are so many girls out there just as , even more so, shy as guys,they are just waiting for you to say or ask them something... Let the past be nothing but the past and now just, i know this sounds incrediably corny, but just be positive; u know, like see the good in others and see the good in yourself. Don't be let down by a couple of rejections, if you are confident and resilient enough you will one day find someone.I personally think its more attractive seeing someone who, maybe hasn't had alot of luck, but they still live every day open and as themselves rather than the really 'experienced' sleazy assholes. (ok i doubt their ALL assholes but I thought I add that in to give you an idea on the particular guys I mean) i'm no expert but I have alot of brothers and sisters at varying ages and relationship experience. but all the same i mean what i say. Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007):

Well, I can give my own personal account of my interactions with women:

I'm 27 and have never had a girlfriend and although I have been kissed, I still feel like my first kiss has yet to happen. A few summers ago a girl was very forward to me but I wasn't attracted to her. But I forced myself to try and make something happen with her anyway, because she was nice and because of my lack of experience romantically. I am very shy in general, especially around girls (excruciatingly so) Only around my close friends am I not shy and can get pretty outgoing, energetic and off beat.

Anwyay, this girl was very forward and coming on too strong; at one point she was chasing me naked by the river when she was skinny dipping. We ended up making out but I didn't enjoy it. Everything was happening too fast. We even sat together watching shooting stars and she sucked on my finger--which kinda felt cool but again, everything was happening too fast--I was too afraid this was all leading to something I was ready for or comfortable with. And I was right. I was having a hard time opening up to her and being open to the whole experience. Then she started kissing me, her tongue way too... aggressive--I always imagined french kissing to be very delicate and sensual. This wasn't. This was closer to what your puppy might do to you. I didn't even realize it was a kiss until she was finished. It all felt disconnected and unnatural. This should have been an ideal moment. I had been dreaming about this moment for the longest time. I'm a romantic. I love the idea of being with the one I love watching a meteor shower. Later we were lying in a the same sleeping bag together--she naked and me only in my boxers. She wanted to jump my bones but I just wasn't ready; I wasn't feeling it. I just wanted to take things slooooow. Even though she wasn't bad looking, and I really liked her as a friend for the short time I knew her--she was a really interesting and down to earth person-- I just couldn't open up to her romantically.

Ever since my very very difficult time in highschool when I became very withdrawn, isolated, depressed, anxiety ridden and disconnected, I've had a very hard time opening up to anyone and making friends (let alone girlfriends!) I think this is the crux of my problem. That, and I'm just not that interested in people anymore--(I wish I was more so), but I feel like damaged goods. :-/ I haven't given up on myself but sometimes I wonder if things will ever get good again. Also, I'm too judgmental--I set too high standard for other people and feel myself well short of those standards I hold others to. Sometimes I liken myself to having a "Caulfield Syndrome" from "The Catcher in The Rye."

I just don't have that much confidence in girls liking me. I don't think my natural, relaxed self is something a girl I would like would be interested in. But finally an exception happend. This pretty girl whom I've known since she was very young--but never hung out with--invited me to India for four months. We hung out some before the trip and I felt pretty comfortable around her--not too nervous. Part of this was because I only partially had a crush on her at this point. I found her attractive but had conflicting feelings about her being like a family friend--even though we never hung out or anything--she was always my best friends' little sister (I'm 5 years older than she). Before she invited me I wouldn't have tried to make something happen between us because I felt she was too young--the age gap was too apparent. But we were getting along as equals so I tried to make something happen between us in India, but on each attempt was denied. First on the plane ride over--I asked if she wanted to lie on me--like, rest her head on my shoulder--and she said in a not so friendly tone "no." Then while in India I asked her if she wanted a massage and again, "no" like the offer was kinda weird. Later I think I mustered the courage to put my arm around her in the open rickshaw because it was cold and she said under her breath in what sounded like a hurt/annoyed/violated tone of voice; barely audible: "you're just trying to cop a feel". These sort of rejections stung pretty bad. Any other time I've sheepishly touched her, like touch her foot with mine, she would just say in an annoyed tone of voice "stop". Every rejection stung, but over the past several months I keep trying because she is basically my only friend and the only person I hang out with; and I like her.

She is mostly nice and sweet around me and although we didn't always get along in Inida, we hang out all the time now, but she is always pretty careful to keep me from touching her. Even posing for photographs she won't put her arm around me or get close to me for a proper photograph. When her brother was visiting from school and asked us to get close for a photograph she even said in a light, bubbly way--like, jokingly (but obviously not joking) that there is a "no-touch" policy between us. We see movies together in the theater and I want to put my arm around her every time but I'm too afraid I'm gonna get some "omg, what are you doing!?!?" response like I'm way out of bounds--crossing some invisible line that obviously is not to be crossed. So I never even come close to mustering the courage to. She sometimes kicks me in the back of the knees playfully--but most of the time I struggle to even muster a smile because I'm so disarmed. She hasn't done that in awhile tho. :(

We do hikes together but most of the time she claims she likes to hike alone, and will go on ahead or tell me to go on ahead. But when she, her brother and I were hiking together and she hiked on ahead her brother acted all flummoxed and surprised that she went ahead-- kept saying "Where's Rita (not real name) going?"--so I construe this that she only goes off alone when hiking with me.

It's important to note that both her brothers are long time very close friends of mine--their family is almost like second family to me. But I've only been hanging out with the sister for a little more than half a year now, even though I've known her most of her life. I told one of her brothers that I have a crush on her and he said he felt it was awkward that I did, and that I was fishing too close to the dock so to speak. So it's possible she never considered me as a potential boyfriend, and just wanted someone to go to India with. I really don't know what to make of our relationship. She once made a comment about our "relationship" when I didn't take the road she wanted. I guess she had gotten pretty used to me doing what she wanted (although I often get annoyed with her when I feel like she is using her sweet charm to get her way)

Also sad to note, it seems she might have a crush on a guy who she met last week and they both seem to have hit it off pretty good, so my heart has been very heavy the past few days. Another strange thing about her she doens't like sharing the same water bottle, but she offered hers to this new boy. So three things that are not universal--not liking being touched (she let other boys touch her in India) hiking alone (she doesn't do this with others she hikes with, such as family or girlfriends) and not sharing her water bottle--all this makes me feel that I'm going about my approach to her all wrong--I think I have walls up and perhaps they are too obvious to her. She is very intuitive on my moods; on how I'm feeling. If anyone has any thoughts, please share!! And you can be honest.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007):

Hey I no this might be weird that a girl is on here but the reason i am is coz i wanted to c a guys view on gf and bf. I've never had a boyfriend before and reading all your answers you all seem like the sweetest guys. The guy I like probably has no idea that i like him coz im not much of a flirt or anything. bt there are so many different girls out there; skanks, catholics, emos, girls who fantasise about a handsome man on a white horse, girls who are too shy to talk to guys whatever. if you like a girl and just start up a nice, random convo she could either; be shallow and blow you off or look for a chance to say hi the next day

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007):

Well im 22 and yes, like most of us here have never had a girl friend.

Im not trying to sound like a cock, but i get alot of people telling me how good looking I am , but at the end of the day im missing the "x" factor.

Ive got alot of male friends but hardly any girl friends as such.

Its starting to really get to me , I dont know where ive gone wrong, I just want a war to come along so I can go off and fight, that will take all my thoughts away from it...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007):

Hey im a junior in high school and i've never had a gf before. I am a really cute guy(i've heard girls say) and have had many oppertunities but i am also really shy. I don't think I have low self-confidence but maybe i do and just dont know it. There's this girl I like right now and i've liked her for about a month now and I was pretty sure she liked me but I just couldn't ask her out. I didn't want to ask her out online on aim cuz I know that would be weak. I have been talking to her at school a little and online too but i told her that id never had a gf before and then she didn't reply back. So, now im just afraid she might never talk to me again. Or she wont think of me as the same person.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007):

I'm a male who never had a date in high school and only one in college, which was disaterous. Reading the original letter reminded me of myself at that time. I may have had opportunities but, I was so shy because of my past history with girls, it was impossible to see them let alone act on them. Whenever anyone tells you not to be shy, it's like telling you not to have a shadow on a sunny day, you ask "How do you do that?" It was once I was out of school and just living that things started to happen for me. I'm not great looking and continue to be shy, but I have found that things happen when you're busy just being. If you keep on with just living the day to day stuff and forget for a while what your past was like concerning the opposite sex, your guard will be down, you might smile more frequently, say hi more often just to say hi, and you'll feel "open" to others. Girls/women may feel subconsciously invited into your world, and it's probably a rich world due to your suffering and alone time. Slowly you can reinvent yourself. You don't need to become a jerk or an act. Believe it or not, all of us have charms, but don't even force those, just let them come out on their own. GIrls have ways of showing you they like you. They'll even hit you over the head with that message sometimes. It'll come. Plus, there's always travel with girls from different cultures. You might be an attraction there because you speak funny and you're from someplace else...someplace they want to know about. Plain and simple, things can change. Hang in there. S

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007):

I have learned something over the years.

Girls dont like "good" guys, they dont like you to be polite, they hate when you are nice or have any goals in life. They love it when you are a deuchebag an asshole or just a complete idiot. They love it when you have absolutely no goals other than partying and " chilling out " for the rest of your life. They like it when you treat them bad. For some reason, girls say to like nice guys but when it comes to it, they rather go out with the asshole that treats her like crap and is cheating on her with 3 other girls.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007):

Ladies, I really want a girlfrend but dont think i could get one because i am really shy. im a sophomore in high school. do girls like shy guys? and what steps should i take to lead up to the girlfriend boyfriend relationship? thanks to all who comment

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

Im 18 year old male and never had a girlfriend in my life and its my senior year in high school. i never get asked out on dates or to the prom. I mean im not that bad looking of a guy,but i guess i will always be a dateless guy.and i have a job dress nice,and kind of shy.but to tell you the truth i give up. womans/girls ignore which they don't even look at me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):

wow i totally relate - i was a track captain and a football star. 6'3 and ripped 220lbs in Highschool have been asked to model a few times and i never dated once in high school i dont know what to tell you...now im in college and 22 years old still playing football could even go pro; 6'3 250lbs and ripped and am in pre-law and ive still never had a girlfriend. i think guys like u and me just expect when we get to a certain level because were all about achiveing things will come easy for us. If we just look like that and just make that play and make that amount of money; all that shit doesnt work if you dont date in highschool not much is ever going to change, i'd say just turn your anger into lifting or sport and school. I might never have a girlfriend but at least i can make my life a little less miserable by buying a bunch of crap and making alot of money.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006):

well...

guys

im probly the most unsuccesful person in teh world

im 35 and never had a girlfriend,kiss or any love from the opposite sex (except my mother and familiy)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006):

Well i canot relate more to your stories, i mean im 22 and never had a girlfriend, or even been kissed, but it has mostley to do with our selfconfidence.

i mean looking back there where 2 maby 3 girls who liked me and showed me this, but either because i was a chicken or maby because they wherent my ideal girl i never took the deciseve step!

one thing we have to do is remove our standards, if you want a gf you will get one she doesnt have to be a model those will come in time!

and most imp we have to overcome our shyness, (i say for myself too) i know its hard but girls really notice our selfconfidence and dont want a wimp! remember we are the strongest sex ( supposed to be )! good luck guys! and gals! and for you gals who wrote, i guess its a bit more easy for you to get a bf i mean men are more willing than girls to have a gf!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006):

I really feel for you. I'm 18, I work very hard in everything I do, I try to please everybody. I take exceptionally good care of my body as I am a bodybuilder/powerlifter/martial artist. I just graduated from high school with a scholarship, honours and a subject award. Also, after my current security guard job I'm joining the army reserves and attending University. In short, while I actually go somewhere with my life many guys who have no drive or passion at all seem to get girlfriends!It drives me insane, seriously, I may go mad one day. I'm 18 and have never even had a freakin first kiss! I'm also very good looking (if I say so myself). Whatever, we can always live out the rest of our lives as shaolin monks. At least then we can learn kung fu (which I've been wanting to learn).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006):

I know this response comes a year and a half after the last one but I need a place to vent. So here it goes.

I will be 18 in just about a month now, and I have also never had a girlfriend. Not for a month not for a week, or a day, or lunch period. None whatsoever, however I seem to have kept that fact hidden from pretty much everyone. My closest friends however probably know and feel it necessary to make constant fun of me. And yes these are my closest friends. I've done a lot of thinking on this subject over the past year and I've decided that the only thing holding me back is myself. I've had plenty of opportunitys come my way, and I've declined to accept them because I just didn't like the person, or admittidly felt I was too good for someone that fat. I find it unbelievably hard to ask someone out, and to date have only done so once. It seems that because it takes me so much emotional energy and risk to ask someone out I begin to raise my standards because I dont want to go through the hardship of it for someone who is not worth it. It seems shallow, but it also extends to personality as well. In short, I'm waiting for the perfect person. I thought I found that person in early august this last year. And It came to me, with a look. I knew her indirectly from our parents and had basically been in the same room with her many times but had never spoken to her. In this look I thought I saw the world. I saw the same sort of fear and insecurity that I bottle up inside myself and cant seem to break. I felt like I was looking at someone who was much like me, and I knew it from that one look. Well, that look has driven me crazy for a year now. I will now present the rest of my story in list form, with increasing frustration and introversion that I never told anyone about: August: I Begin to say hi to her in the hall. September: after many hopeful days and crappy nights I tell myself to stop being a pussy and ask her to lunch. I get a yes. It goes okay, awkward and forced, I feel like I overcompensated by talking to much about myself, because I was worried about not having enough to say. I almost went to the bathroom and threw up. October: after a month of doing nothing I ask her to lunch again, spur of the moment thing, she brings her friend. Its okay, but at times feel like a 3rd wheel. I go to the bathroom and throw up. January: after much persuasion from my parents and other occurances before that gave me clue she maybe liked me, I call and ask her to go to a local concert. She asks if she can call back after she sees what she is doing that day. 2-3 days pass, I feel really crappy. out of desperation I send an AIM message saying that I cant talk but call tonight about the concert, and left my cell phone number. I get a text message, sorry but I cant go. Strangely I never feel devastated and just kind of accept it, with out giving up. This is when my deep introspection starts. I decide that their is nothing that she did to me that I couldn't see myslef doing to another person, because i am insecure and fearful. I could totally see myself not wanting to let someone down and using a text message cop-out. Thus I feel it impossible to stop liking her, but impossible to attain on my own. I never try again but now that I have her cell phone I take to periodically sending messages that may or may not get a response. I did another one 2 days ago and got a very positive response, in which we shared how our summers were going.I missed another opportunity that could have been very positive because of her, but I don't seem to care. I've decided that perserverance is the key, and I don't know if I have it. Perhaps in time it will come but till then I continue to feel an emptyness that hurts every day. It could be worse and so I try to remain optomistic. Doing things like this are nice because I can reveal information that I've never told anyone while remaining annonomous. Best of luck

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A male reader, revolennael +, writes (13 April 2006):

there's one girl i fell in love with when i was 15, and i'm 18 now. the problem was i chatted over the net and was too much of a weasel to aproach her in the schoolyard. i have no idea what exactly she thinks of me but i haven't spoken to her yet, and i have no idea what to do. I'm not a big fan of forcing myself to throw-up and ultimately make nothing of my feelings because they're still there. So yeh your definately not the only one with girl troubles buddy but, best of luck anyway.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2005):

Hey I am 22 and I have never been kissed much less had a girlfriend. Hotornot rates me a 9.2 so I am not ugly, nor am I a jerk. It really all comes down to self confidence, this I lack, and alot of people that are stuck in "our" situation are this way too. Ask yourself if you even want a g/f or b/f and why, do you even know what you want in a relationship? These things should come first, and with them grow self confidence. Then you will see through the dating games that are played and you will know what to look for in a person and above all, have the confidence!

On a personal note, I think it better to get through college and establish a career before all of that, in HS all I wanted was a g/f, but now all I want to get is a freaking career!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2005):

Hey,

Dude I totally feel the same way and as I'm sure you can see you're not alone. I'm in my senior year, never been kissed, never had a bf where as my little sister who just started her freshman year has had 2. I know it's hard but in the end highschool relationships rarely mean anything. Try to think about how much something will matter 10 years down the road, if chances are it wont matter at all then is it really worth worrying over? Didn't think so.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2005):

You really shouldn't worry about it. At all. I promise you everything is okay. I'm 17, going on 18, a MALE and have never been kissed or had a girlfriend. Heck, I've never even been looked at by a girl in a half-way-decent way. Life has it's bumps. Perhaps love is not for us. Perhaps it is. But either way, good luck with it. ^^

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2005):

hey..i'm 18 now and felt the same way as you did through out all of highschool. i never had a boyfriend and always sorta wanted one, because if feels like your missing out on something everyone else has. i had a ton of guy friends all of which liked me but didnt "like" me. or thats the way it seemed since none of them did anything about it. i am now dating one of those guys i met when i was a freshman, and he told me that the whole time we were in school he wanted to have a girlfriend but was too shy to persue it. i was shocked bc he is very popular and all the girls liked him. he could have had anyone! if you feel like none of the girls seem interested in you i promise you are WRONG! lol

Girls make hott lists and rate guys all the time. Most are just too shy to say anything first. you dont want to be a pest by asking every girl out but at the same time if you have a feeling she likes you too than at least try?!? my bf took 4 years before actually telling me he wanted to date me. think of all the time he wasted. dont do that. just go for it and see what happens. so what if she turns you down.EVERYONE gets turned away. and if i have any advice for you.. never ask a girl out by saying "so what are you doing this weekend? if your not busy you wanna go to a movie or something?" cause this way if she says shes not busy but doest want to go out she wont hurt your feelings with an answer like "no i dont have plans... well i dont really feel like going out i was planning on lazying around." you def know thats a lie! and i hate answering with gay ass responses like that. :) good luck. peace

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2005):

Dont worry, I dont have a Boyfriend yet and I never really have. Besides, you dont need a girlfriend unless you've got no friends and need a relationship partner. Dont worry even if you haven't I really haven't and I'm still alive and coping. from Kelly age:12

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):

Dear K,

I'm not a certified Agony Aunt or love advisor,but I think I can relate to your problem.

I'm thirteen and in the seventh grade,and for me,it's a time of being boy-crazy. All of my friends have had at least two boyfriends in the past,but the last boyfriend that I had was in kindergarten...and as you might have guessed, it was only puppy love.

Maybe the answer to your problem is the same as I've been told mine is: There's just no one for you at your school or even in your whole town. You sound like a nice boy, so I doubt that all the girls that have turned you down are rejecting you for that reason.

Or, maybe they're just like all the guys that I like: They date for looks. Only one of the boys I like dates for what's inside, but he's already got a girlfriend and since he's a sophomore, he sees me as too young to go out with. Perhaps you should start looking for girls in other towns close to yours .If you ever go to summer camp or track meets or football games, see if you can find a girl who catches your eye. That's sort of what I'vee learned to do.I am now crushing on someone from chruch camp who lives twenty-five miles away from me.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Sarah

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):

Hi K,

Guess what? You're in the majority.

You sound like a normal guy and it sounds like you're letting yourself feel trapped by a really common myth. That myth is that "everybody's a success with the opposite sex but me". It's something that everyone feels is true at some point in their lives, but (brace yourself, K) it's a big fat lie.

To answer your question, you need to start by debunking the myth, so do that. Look around your school and think of how many students there are there. What proportion of them are in steady relationships? One percent? Five percent? Even if it were a highly-unlikely twenty percent of all your fellow students, that's a pretty small number overall. One in five! So, remember: although you mght not have a girlfriend right now, you're in the vast majority, and that definitely means you're not 'unlucky' as far as girlfriends are concerned.

All right, so you've questioned the myth that everybody's doing something that you're not, but you'd still like to be one of those with a girlfriend to spend time with. What to do? EASY. Be fun and be someone that girls want to be around, and you'll have your pick. That doesn't mean that you have to be a stand-up comic. What it means is you need to be relaxed, confident and friendly with girls, the same way as you've always been with your male friends. You've said that people like you, right? Ask yourself, what is it about you that your friends like? This is a serious question. Is it because you have similar interests to them? Is it because you're great at parties? Is it because you're generous and kind? Is it because they know you're a good sport? It might be all those things and is probably more. Now you need to let girls that you're interested in see those qualities in you, too.

Don't be shy around girls you'd like to get to know better. If there's a particular girl you want to ask out, just go up to her, smile, be friendly and talk about something that you already know you have in common, like a class you have together, or a mutual friend, or lunch. Ask her if she'd like to meet you after a game, or to go with you and a group of friends to a movie. You might say something along the lines of, "Hi Bianca. Have you seen 'Team America' yet? I was thinking of going on Sunday night and it'd be a lot a fun if you could go, too. Would you like to go with me?" Don't feel too intimidated - remember, she's not Miss America and is probably thrilled at the male attention! - and please don't feel like you have to have a "line" to use to ask girls out. Just be pleasant and open-minded and you'll do fine.

And remember, too, that people develop their interests at different rates, so that some of us don't find partners who appreciate us until we get to university, where there are a LOT more choices and a lot more people. Some things take time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):

well i dont know how it is to not be good with the ladies ( im a girl ) but i do know this one guy who remides me of you and he is really good looking, but he dosent have a girl friend. and i think that that turns on some girls. and if you wanted to i bet you probly could get a really cute girl but sometimes its good that you wait cause if i could go back to high school i whould never date any of the guys i ever dated. And those guys talking about there girls and what they did on the weekends, is probly not true! I mean they are probly just trying to sound "cool".

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