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Never had a girlfriend, unsure of her orientation, but really want to start a conversation

Tagged as: Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 January 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2014)
A female Ireland age 30-35, *_Corbi8 writes:

Hi there! This post isn’t about a problem, I’m just asking for general advice. I’m a twenty year-old college student whom recently ‘came out’ as gay. I’ve never had a girlfriend. That didn’t bother me too much because there was no one in particular that I was attracted to. And then I saw her.

I know nothing about this girl other than the fact she is always wearing overalls (she studies in the built environment), is beautiful looking, and is always with a group of males from her course. I wanted to take my time in sizing her up, however my friend ruined that plan today when he told me she is probably just in the college on a placement of sorts – seeing as she wasn’t around before Christmas. He said these placements last 12 weeks, and hers must have started at the beginning of January, meaning 4 of these weeks have already passed and I haven’t so much as said hello to the girl!

Seeing her is no problem as I see her regularly around the college, though she’s usually with the group of guys. I want to talk to her but don’t know how I can force the situation slightly without coming on too strong. (?) Additionally, I don’t even know for sure that she’s gay/bi/whatever. I’m just guessing, based upon the nature of her study, that she may be gay.

Can anyone think of any way in which I can, firstly, casually start a conversation with her? And secondly, in that conversation find out whether or not she’s gay, in a subtle way? The second part is very important to me because obviously if she is straight, I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.

Thanks in advance for any advice given. It’s much appreciated.

View related questions: christmas, never had a girlfriend

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A female reader, Sit next to me United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2014):

When it feels so right in that moment, walk up , look her in the eye, put your hand to her chin, hold it, and then if she has not pulled away kiss her

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014):

This is a difficult one, but I think you need to either be cautious or very bold,

depending on how you feel able to approach it. Your friend could try asking some of the guys on her coarse about her orientation without mentioning any details and she could either be affronted if she is straight that its assumed she is gay for being on a "guys coarse", or be happy to be openly admit her sexuality. The cautious part is because its in a college environment and you have to be careful with boundaries regardless of sexuality. She may just be there wanting to study, and it might make her uncomfortable, if you were a guy or a girl. It's always pleasant to have an attraction and I really hope it works out well for you.

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