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Nervous about sex. Scared to do it for the first time.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Teenage, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2008) 12 Answers - (Newest, 29 January 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *iva girl writes:

i have never had sex before and i'm kind of scared to do it for the first time. my boyfriend really wants to have sex but i don't think im ready. i really love him but i don't want to go that far. i have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years. what should i do to get ready and not as nervous?

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A female reader, Vbabe14 United States +, writes (29 January 2009):

you should take as long as you need. if he's waited for 3 years then he can wait some more if he really loves you. i'm a virgin as well and i be feeling the same pressure sometimes.ITS NATURAL!!! you loose it when you feel like your ready : ) good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

To the anonymous female poster below... 15 min? For their FIRST TIME? The foreplay lasted for 2 hours my first time. Now, I'm 25 and its still about 40 min long with my boyriend.

Either you're really young and shouldbt be giving out sex advice since you dont even know how to demand it properly for yourself, or your older and need to tell whip your man into shape.

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A female reader, dolla18 United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2008):

dolla18 agony auntHi, you say you have been with this boy for like 3 yrs? If your relationship has lasted this long, then the chances are he wont just walk away from you if you tell him your not ready. If he truely loves you he will respect your decision.

Your virginity is the most valuable gift you will ever give to some one as you only get it once, so make sure you give it away to the right person. If you feel he is the right person then tell him that while you would like to have sex with him one day your not ready yet.

There are other ways to feel close till you feel ready to go all the way. You can kiss an gently touch each other, hold hands while your out so ppl know your an item, an hug each other.

If you do decide to go ahead with what he wants, then pls be carefull, regardless to what you hear you can get pregnant from 1st time sex, so I advise you take precautions an use a condom. My advice to you is don't leave the protection just to your b/f carry a condom with you, this way if things do go that far an he hasn't got one you wont both be tempted to go ahead without an then regret it later. (like in 9months time)

Well, keep safe, have fun and good luck!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

I don't think you're ready yet. When you are you'll know. But if you're still gonna do it, make sure you do about 15mins of foreplay beforehand so you're both relaxed. Just take deep breathes and relax. Go slowly and

make sure you are 100% comfortable with what your boyfriend is doing.

Also, please wear a condom and remember legal age in the UK is 16.

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A female reader, BlondeBabe x United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2008):

BlondeBabe x agony auntFollow your heart dont be pushed in to something that you know that you are not ready for yet.

If your boyfriend really loves you he should understand this. Wait till you feel ready and that way you can enjoy it more.

Hope That Helps x

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A female reader, diva girl United States +, writes (17 May 2008):

diva girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for all of those helpful answers. They really opened my eyes to whether or not to do it. Bu I must add that he probably won't be as nervous as me because he has had sex before like 2 times.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

I think a lot of your nervousness (if that is actually a word lol) comes from being young, because you're aware of him wanting sex, but you don't. Don't let anyone push you into anything! Tell him no if he asks, and if you've been together 3 years, I'm sure he loves you so he should accept your decision and not get mad. This will be a good test for your relationship, as it could maybe make or break it. If you tell him no and he walks away, at least you can see he's not the one for you as he can't accept the answer no. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

There can be lot of pressure to lose your virginity - that is, to have sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sex with someone just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something you may regret later.

You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you 'go all the way' - have sex. You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to feel some worries but good communication will really help to prevent you feeling embarrassed or worried. You should be able to talk to your partner about how you feel about having sex for the first time, and about any concerns you may have. Your partner might be worried, too. Being relaxed and able to share things with your partner will really ease the tension. And if you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your partner - then you probably shouldn't be having sex!

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2008):

lexilou agony auntYou know in your heart you are not ready yet. I stopped sex just before the act when I was your age and luckily the guy was really understanding and respected me for it. We never actually got round to it in the end and my first time was a year or so later with a steady boyfriend. If he has waited 3 years then wait a bit longer you will know when you are ready and not just doing it as you feel you have to. Good luck x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

hi, i remember my first time like it was yesterday and at the time i was so nervous i thought i wouldnt be able to perform. i was nervous because i KNEW it was going to happen.

sometimes i wish i didnt plan to have sex and i wish that i just waited till the moment came to me.

and if your boyfriend reallly loves you then he wont force you to.

hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

13-15 is just way too young. You want your first experiences of physical love to be wonderful, not a letdown, as they will be if you do it too early. You don't want your memory of the first time to be colored with disappointment and a feeling of resentment (as mine was)?

Think about the difference between eating a green peach and a ripe one!

Wait till you're 16 or 17, at least-- it makes a difference!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

Your not ready. Don't have sex. It will hurt because your too young. It won't feel good and when he leaves, you will feel ashamed. When you get older and marry someone else you will be embarrased because you had sex at such a young age. When your older you will be embarrased because people will think your funny for having sex so young. Your too young for sex, your not ready. Women who are ready for sex do it because they want to, they never, ever, ever do it because their boyfiends want them to. Only prostitutes and (sorry) slags do that. Is that what he thinks you are a prostitute or a slag.

You don't believe me... Read some of the stories on this board. Look at the letters men write about girls who have sex young.. They call them bad names... He will lose respect for you once he's seen you naked and done sexual things to you. He will forget about how much fun you have with your clothes on. All he will want to do is have sex and then he will become bored and leave you. You don't believe me... Read some of the stories on the board.

Tell him no.. Tell him you don't want sex. If he wants sex, tell him to go somewhere else. You can still be his girlfriend, you can still kiss him and go fun places with him. But he will respect and love you even more for respecting your body and waiting until your fully grown and ready.

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