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Need the adult kids to move out as I'm stressed out with their lack of respect!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2010)
A , anonymous writes:

I am deeply bothered by something. My ex husband and I are no longer married, because when we were married years ago, he had absolutely no respect for me. I felt I didn't deserve this. I worked hard at being a good wife and Mother. I had always asked him to back me up whenever I had to teach our children about things. You know, the rules, guidelines, values..all that parenting stuff we all should do. He treated our relationship like a competition, to see who the kid's loved more. He wanted to be the good guy. I got stuck with the crap work.

Now, all 3 adult kids live with me. I am so stressed out living in my own home (I own the house) with 3 very ungrateful adult kids who really have no use for me. Sad isn't it. I plan on selling my home, quitting my job and moving so they will no longer depend on me. I have told them of my plans to move but not why. Just that it's time for me to retire and go live my own life. I have asked all of them to leave by March 31. They have now told me, I am a bitch, and that they will not speak to me ever again. My heart is broken..I can't stop crying (in private) and I am devastated. Please give me some insight on how to cope.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (24 February 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntHaving children who are ingrates is just like having no children.

You have suffered much and come to the point that they should take care of themselves.

No one can feel how you feel in your shoes.After you have sacrificed your love,blood ,sweat and tears and this is your rewards from them.

If you did not sell now, later on,they may force you to sell and throw you out into the streets. You don't know what is on their minds.

Maybe,this may shook them up and they may come to respect you and seek a solution or compromise.

There is always Karma.

You have done the best for them and it is time you look after your own interest.

There is nothing more you can do for them.They will have to fend for themselves.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (24 February 2010):

I'm sorry this is happening to you. But you are right and this is the most shocking I've ever heard. Just stick to your guns and let them go out into the world. You have done enough.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010):

I can totally sympathise with you as a mother of 4 (2 of whom are adults). Its tough but please, whatever you do, dont back down. Their using the guilt trip and threats to manipulate you into being their doormat. Basically they are happy with the way things are, regardless of the toll it takes on you. Next time they say they will never see you, just say, Im sorry you feel that way.

Dont buy into their games. Just stand up for yourself and refuse to get caught up in it. They may not see you for a month or two but I promise they will be back...because they know in their hearts it would be THEIR lose to throw away a relationship with you. This is the only way to gain their respect, tough love. Good luck and let me know how you go.

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