Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): ty quiet echo thats what I was looking for she said sex is just sex and she is not single right now so I believe that it is just a matter of time before she gets bored and starts to wander
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): So 570 is past the official number for making retroactive jealousy okay? Well maybe I find 2 or 3 or 10 or 15 too many. It's all a personal opinion. Where is the line? Where does anyone else get off deciding what is okay for someone else to have done in the past?
I can guess the response to that idea: "Yeah, but at 600 partners it's not just a matter of jealousy, it's a signal of personality issues and disease danger!"
But isn't disease being risked every single time? Aren't personalities a little different between someone who has has 0 partners or 1,5,10? It all signals different things about people. IT'S ALL JUST A MATTER OF DEGREE, IT'S ALL A MATTER OF PERSONAL OPINION!
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female
reader, DenimandLace44  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Thank you Tennisstar88... That is indeed the article. I am on my phone today and could copy the link.
Poster only you can decide whether you are willing to move forward with this woman. Good Luck Honey, Denim
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): You need to find out and ask her do u think if u drink, you would cheat on me n don't get mad if I'm bringing it up I just want to know cuz drinking is diff. From not. N be happy just don't be unsecure but don't be stupid either. Hey u already did her so kEep her n hopefully staying with u only is true no games so go with the flow maybe she thinks she found mr. Right so maybe she realize its time to settle down. Can she have kids tho in the future? N 570 is a lot so don't. be telling ur mom or family they will see her with diff. eyes and judge her then everyone will get u annoyed. N they r going to prob. tell u to leave her n if there girl went Through the same past if u tell them to leave their partner they won't there going to do what they want so u do what ur heart tells u so u won't be saying what if. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): no I said its more then 570 she stopped counting shes done it all 3 somes gang bangs and even got paid for it
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male
reader, corbandallas  +, writes (27 November 2010):
570? Come on? I'm sure it's a lot but not 570. I would be wondering if I could trust her if she has slept around that much. Maybe it's a drunk thing. Does she drink often?
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male
reader, defeated +, writes (27 November 2010):
wow 570, there are prositutes that dont have that high a number, and even though she gets tested every 6 months dont mean anything, some std's can not be detected untill there is a break out hsv is one of them
my advise; run
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): I would question the 570....that seems pretty unrealistic to me.
but I would also let it go....the past is the past. she is not cheating on you and has been responsible in getting tested.
you got an answer when she asked you not to ask, and you did it while she was drunk. so, you took advantage of her...you reap what you sew....
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Here's the link of retrograde jealousy DenimandLace44 was referring to:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
Wow, her magic number is 570+? Hopefully, she is clean and STD free. Perhaps she is a sex addict. I also question if there is any traumatizing events in her childhood-adolscent stage that lead her to raking up this many men. This is why you NEVER, EVER ask anyone about their sexual past. Don't ask, don't tell. I agree with quiet-echo in the aspect that this is a very unhealthy and irresponsible lifestyle she was living. However, this is not necessarily who she is today. Can you really judge someone now, on what there track record shows? No you can't. Each new guy is a clean slate..a chance to start over fresh. Even if it maybe 570+ times.
The thing about your retrograde jealousy is you have 2 options. You can either choose to look past her past, and focus on who she is today in present time or to break up with her because you can't seem to get past her astounding magic number. That's what it's going to come down to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): She is clearly embarrassed and knows why if she knew she didn't want you to know. My advice would be to stay with her. She is clean and chose to stay with you.
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female
reader, josephy  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 she will tell you with time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): What does it matter how many guys she slept with? She's with you now. She didn't want you to ask out of fear that you might leave her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): What does it matter how many guys she slept with? She's with you now. She didn't want you to ask out of fear that you might leave her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): What's the confusion? You're the one guy who she hasn't kicked out. That means she committed to you. Now you told her you wouldn't get upset, so don't make a liar out of yourself for asking a question you knew you wouldn't like the answer to.
Retro jealousy is a poisonous thing and it's completely illogical, although knowing that only makes it worse really because you feel bad for feeling that way when you really shouldn't.
Take this as a lesson learned and if trust her and love her. Then do what you have to get over it. She's done nothing wrong to you, so don't start backing out now. Whether she'd slept with one guy 1000 times or 1000 guys 1 time you were always going to be a jealous so you shouldn't have put your hand in that fire.
It's tough man, but you have to realize she tried to protect you from it but you then took advantage of her drunken state to make her tell you. Everything wrong here is all you, I hope you realize that. I'm only saying that so you know it is you that has to fix this not her. You're the one who has to find a way of getting over this and don't even think of punishing her based on her past, or start making demands, you're the one who wouldn't let this go and you're the one that has to let this go. If you're just going to sit there going over every sexual encounter, or trying to imagine the circumstances of those encounters then it will destroy you.
Let it go. She is who she is now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): There is a name for that sort of woman. Leave her now! Or your life will be ruined!
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (27 November 2010):
You knew it wasnt going to be pretty...and you asked her anyway. She hasn't cheated on you.... That's the important thing! Let the past be exactly that... The past.
Tisha-1 has an article on her profile page on retroactive jealousy that is very very good. I recommend that you read that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Did you say 570?! Wow! That would come as a shock. I think you should consider getting some counseliing if you can't deal with this. But don't tell her about it. It's your problem...not hers.
Maybe you should look at the positive side of this...She must be good-looking if at lesat 570 guys had sex with her.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Well everyone has a past and you should have just not asked her, because its in the past and you shouldnt judge her by that, ok that is an extremely high amount of guys but she has gotten tested reguarly which means that she is aware of STI's and looks after her sexual health so thats a good start id be more worried if she was sleeping around without using protection and not caring. You need to try and forget her past and just concentrate on the person that she is now, it shouldnt matter how many people she has been with just put it to the back of your mind and remember that it is you she is with now and you could be the guy to change things.
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