A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:THe other night i had a terrifying experience. I was walking home and some guy i felt was following me even though at this point i hadnt laid eyes on him and there were others around.It was 230 am and i had commenced a 10min walk to my bfs house thru the city. On the final straight i caught glimses of this guy in window reflections and a look a stole pretending to look at a pub opposite. By this time i was alert as anything. He was now walkng on the other side of the one way street parallel to me at this point. And when i looked this time his eyes were in the corners looking at me, i knew this guy was up to no good. THere was a guy walking toward us , so i carried on and at the last second made a sharp turn in to the really dark courtyard my bf house is in.. As i guessed he had stalled. I looked and saw him torn on the road not sure to follow as it would be so blantently obvious to this other pedestrian. I continued walking 2m and then without thought just started to bolt for my life..about 20m i ran on cobbles in heels for his aparment block door. I still hear his steps behind me and i was so scared as this was like a dark alleyway almost..as if from a horror film. I got to the door and finally fumbled the key in after a few attemps and pulled it shut running to the lift frantically. while waiting i saw him on the other side of the glass and it freaked me out more..he was surprised i got away..there are a few apartments there so like he must have hoped the one i was going to was further. it was a close call and this guy was very tall and in a white singlet and he could have disempowered and muted me in a second i know it.ANyway, this is all etched in my mind everyday i run it through several times. I keep having flashbacks, it couldnt have turned out so nasty..it makes me almost sick with worry when i think about it i feel to almost throw up. I feel like crying always now..but i'm so emotionally dead that i can't even do that. and i think of it on the slightest similarity..i was walking on cobbles today and thought of it. I saw a bald guy like him and thought of it. I have such important exams in a few weeks, and i feel so down and depressed when alone. I hung out with friends from 2-12am today and it was fine, but now i'm back depressed again..if you were talking to me my voice would be flat..and yet i am a bubbly person. I can't stay wth my bf , we decided already b4 this that i needed space from him to focus on studies as i get so lazy around him and it would just disturb him and my routine probably. But what do i do?we have called the police and made the report, also i really can't afford a councillor, i'm studying overseas and life is tough financially as i cant work and my parents are going thru divorce yadda yadda. i already have so many difficulties to talk about such things/feelings already with people that it overwhelms me mentally at that time and i just shut down. All i told my bf today was that i was feeling so depressed and he asked if it was him and it isn't , it is like my family, my fears, my stresses with studies adn exams, money. Its is so difficut here, they speak hungarian and the friends i have are great people but change every few months. Friends back home just don't understand how difficult it is as they are just doing the same thing.I know i have potential and can make a go of it, but i just feel like messed up mentally and i can't get out of it right now..and with exams in two weeks i'm scared shitless. It's almost as if this one event - and a few bad things that week have inflamed everything. it's a pressure building in my head at times..and all i feel i can do is either hang with people or listen to music..studying is just too hard to concentrate. can some one help me with some advice if you have experienced this? please any advice would be really appreciated.. thanks for you time to read this nonetheless
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the advice. It sucks to hear the stories others have faced too, but nice to know that you seemed to have moved past it. Thank you.
I think i will inform one teacher- the other exams i mentioned are actually uni applying exams so it's a real scary prospect knowing that i might not get in if i can't get it together-im studying music so it's just that one chance. Today my bf was real supportive and i fell into this real zombie state but he dragged me out and we had a long chat on wht i needed to do just today to get through it, and i managed to do some pending tasks..had a long hot bath and now finally am feeling incredibly better this evening after watching a movie also...so that's a first in quite a few days..hopefully im over the hill and im on the downhill slope picking up speed now :)
The only problem was keeping busy- as i feel my mind wander incredibly when i need to study- it's just kind of disturbed..busy with friends is a different issue, but yeah... fingerscrossed, it's evaporated when i practice tomorrw.
i have a cognitive book and i will definitely get back to reading that, buy an alarm and think positively . Thanks again :)
A
female
reader, Boogs  +, writes (1 June 2009):
What a truly frightening experience and it sounds like you already had enough on your plate to cope with.
I think Dr Psych has some good advice. I found Cognitive Bahavioural Therapy useful after I was raped a few years ago and a therapist will be able to help you with the flashbacks. I don't think all GP's have access to counselling but it's certainly worth trying especially as you don't have a great support network of family and friends. I think it's also a very good idea to tell your tutor, most examination boards will consider taking into account any exceptional circumstances when grading your papers.
I imagine you're pretty anxious about going out alone in the future even if it's not late. A personal alarm might help you feel safer and whilst I wouldn't recommend carrying anything illegal on you valuable seconds for running could be gained by a blast in the eyes of an assailant with your deodorant. Carry a phone too so you can contact the police sooner if you need to or call a friend to meet you. I'd like to stress that the chances of something like this happening to you again are very slim but it's more about helping you to feel safe again.
Well done for reporting this to the police and for having the sense to keep your wits about you so you noticed something was wrong.
Please consider getting some professional advice, you've worked too hard to let this bastard ruin your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): How scary. I been followed before but it was in daylight and on a busy street so could lose him easily. It's awful but you need to get over it. Don't forget as you should stay alert but thank yourself lucky you got away.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych + ♥, writes (31 May 2009):
 In 2005 I was stabbed and robbed in London in the middle of the day - it shook me up in lots of ways and I took a long time to recover emotionally. You have my sympathies as what you have experienced is a very frightening experience. Although I am loathe to state the obvious - I hope you won't be walking the streets at silly o'clock in the future. It is sad that women (and men) cannot walk freely at night, but in the real-world there are many risks including being mistaken for a sex worker if you are dressed up after a night out (as I recall from my Uni. days). I appreciate you cannot afford help but there are lots of things you can do for free that may help you. Call Victim Support (google their helpline no.), see a GP and ask for a free referral to an NHS counsellor or approach your student counselling service. If you have exams coming up, your personal tutor needs to know about what is going on with you so be sure to contact them.
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